


Another chance

by MeiraLitch



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Good times will come I promise, I am bitter with the ending of season 3 and Alucard deserves happiness ffs, Just Bear With Me, Post-Castlevania (Cartoon) Season 3, but it will get better i swear to god, but only Alucard and Xiana will appear in it, but they won't have a major role, finally got to the sweet sweet love making lmfao, habemus smut, i write happy endings ok, in the end some other OCs were thrown in there, ok this is chapter 4 and the angst is strong, rated explicit for future smut, so that's what I'm doing, the summary sucks balls btw, there will be mentions to other character during the fic, this is a self indulgent fic that I have no clue how long will be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:21:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 77,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23187697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeiraLitch/pseuds/MeiraLitch
Summary: A near dead witch arrives to Alucard's castle with the Inquisition hot on her heels. With her old life burned to ashes amidst the screams of her loved ones, she is now left alone in this world.Saving her life in the honour of his mother's memory, Alucard allows her to stay until she recovers and is fit to be on her way, however, their mutual broken souls will seek one another, will hunger for the desire to have an ounce of comfort after everything that has been taken from them.Perhaps, if the world is kind enough for just this one time they will be able to find some happiness once again, a chance to mend the bleeding wounds that run deep in their hearts. But in order for that to happen, they need to learn how to trust.
Relationships: Alucard | Adrian Tepes | Arikado Genya/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 52
Kudos: 145





	1. Chapter 1

You run through the forest as the yells of your persecutors grow closer. Tears of frustration and sorrow blind you as you keep moving, your clothes long ago torned and bloodied with your injuries. You thought you lost them a few days back, but while you rested in the last village, you saw the soldiers coming in, asking if they had seen a witch that looked just like you. 

So you fleed, and you kept running as you have been doing before, hiding and travelling through Europe in an attempt to save your life, whatever that was worth at the moment. Your Coven was dead, your sisters, hanged or burned at the stake, a destiny that awaits you if you do not manage to keep ru-

There! As your lungs burn in your chest, your heart beating at a maddening pace, adrenaline rushing through your veins, you see what appears to be a castle in ruins. If you can just make it there you might be able to lose them! 

You force your sore muscles to keep moving, ignoring the sting and aches of your abused body, you can’t afford to stop now, for the only reward will be a horrifying death, your soul forever trapped in this world. And you will not have that, so you grit your teeth as tears run down your cheeks. Why can’t they leave you be? Why couldn’t they leave your sisters alone? You never did anything to cause harm! Yet, these so called soldiers of God hunt you and your kind down, no matter the cause, your mere existence reason enough to _murder_ you. They can call it justice, but murder is what it truly is. 

You can now hear the rattle of their armours, they are close, too cl- 

Your thoughts are stopped when an arrow passes near your head, closer than you find yourself comfortable with. With a scream of agony, you push yourself harder, and not long after you distinguish the castle again, there between the trees. You jump and dodge roots and branches, a familiar scent growing closer as you approach your destination. You swallow down any growing uncertainty praying to any kind spirit that might be listening to let this be one of the small mercies in life. 

Is not long before you discover the origin of such a familiar stench as you are greeted by two impaled bodies guarding the stairs. You thought the castle would be abandoned, but with these warnings in place you see your mistake. You hope that the very welcoming view will be enough to dissuade the Inquisition as it would dissuade you were you not running for your life. 

You grunt as you finally reach the doors, pushing them open and closing it behind you. You want to slump into the floor and rest, but this is not enough, you need to block the entrance somehow. You take a few more steps, and when you turn towards the door, a determined expression covers your face. Extending your hands, you commence to harness the power of the Earth and channel it within yourself, you are too weak for this, and as a consequence, you can feel your blood vessel bursting and the sticky feeling of blood leaving your mouth, but you endure, as you always do, you keep harnessing the essence until you close your hands on firm fists, pulling down with all your might as a scream abandons your lips, and with it, massive rocks collapse in front of the door as thick roots erupt from within the walls, locking it for perhaps long enough for you to find a good enough place to hide. With the size of this castle, it shouldn’t be difficult. 

And if you are lucky… you won’t find whoever lives here. 

Without a moment to waste, you turn around and get ready to find a secluded area, but before you have time to move more than a few steps, you hear a voice smooth like velvet resonating in the room. 

“I thought the corpses would be a good enough clue of what awaits to anyone who enters.” 

You look around you, desperate to pin the location of the voice down, but this is impossible as the voice comes from every direction. After a second of thought, you make haste to find somewhere to hide, deciding that the threat in the castle is not as urgent as the thread of the Inquisition making quick work of the blockage you created. If you don’t hurry, they will get a hold of you. 

“Do not take another step.” 

You freeze in your tracks when the voice is now coming right from behind you. You consider your options and you re-evaluate your priorities. The presence at your back is a powerful one, on the other hand, the Inquisition will be entering soon, and while the masculine voice belong to someone that has power, you don’t know how far his abilities reach, if he would be capable of killing the soldiers, or _hell_ , you don’t even know if he _would_ fight the soldiers. As far as you are concerned, he might hand you over. 

You close your hands and take a stance that looks as unthreatening as possible, which mind you, is not difficult to achieve considering your sorry state. Your voice sounds hoarse when you talk, reflecting the last couple of days that you have been running without as much as some water. 

“Please, I mean you no harm.” 

You can feel eyes on your back just the same way you can feel the soldiers clearing their way into the castle. 

“Yet you barge on my home and destroy my door.” 

You take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself through the rush and the pain you feel, and slowly, ensuring he knows you pose no threat, turn around until you face the most beautiful creature you’ve ever seen. If not for the impending fear of death hanging upon your head, you would be able to appreciate said beauty in detail, truly, but as it stands, more urgent matters require your attention right now. 

Your hazel eyes meet his amber ones, and for a second, you are lost in their depths. They speak of profound emotions attempted to be covered with indifference, it could fool other people, but not a witch of your Coven, any of your sisters would be able to see through it.

Yet you have no time to wonder when you are abruptly snapped from your trance when a particularly hard strike hits the rubble. 

“They are hunting me down.” You take a leap of faith, hoping that this stranger with sad eyes will show sympathy for you, that he will give you the opportunity to survive another day. “They will get through your doors soon, and in this state I am not strong enough to fend them off.”

“As surprising as this is, I had already noticed your many injuries, witch.” He regards you with a flat tone, almost condescending, but underneath it all, you can hear tension on it, the way his eyes stay on your bloody wounds for a second longer than necessary, and while your eyes are fixed on his own, you can’t miss the fangs when he speaks. 

You stare at them, a vampire? It can’t be, he is standing there, in daylight, yet the fangs don’t lie, and the energy he exudes, the way he looks at you… he must be a dhampir, but to your relief, his body turns toward the ruins that his entrance is now, his attention set on the shouts of the soldiers outside. 

“You can’t run forever, witch! You will pay for courting the Devil and using his foul magic!” The hatred on their voices makes you flinch and take a step back. If they get to you, death will be a mercy that will not arrive quick enough, if it arrives at all. 

Your gaze flicks between him and the door, your body tensing up, readying yourself to run at the first opportunity when you see glints of armour reflecting in the light. As if sensing your intent, the dhampir turns his head towards you, almost nailing you to the spot with the hidden intensity of his eyes. 

“Well, it seems you have truly angered some humans, witch.” Is that sick amusement you hear in his voice? Yes, yes it is. You can see the first soldiers entering through the stones “Today must be your lucky day.” A promise of violence shines in his eyes. The soldiers are now pouring in, reading their weapons and shouting. “Killing them seems more satisfactory than killing you.” 

The commander steps in, taking in the scene in front of his eyes. His soldiers await in formation, and looking at the dhampir, he sneers in disgust as he points his sword at the two of you. 

“So the Devil’s whore found herself another Devil’s bitch.” The hatred on his voice is evident, but not surprising. And while you can’t see the dhampir’s face, you can sense the profund disdain emanating from him. 

“Ah, humans are as eloquent as ever, it's good to see some things never change.” His tall form steps forward, his presence making him bigger than he is, and as such, the soldiers take a careful step back. Uh, guess they are not as stupid as you thought. “In a different time I would have allowed you to go, proved that your stupidity wasn’t greater than your wish to live, that’s it.” He takes another step towards them, extending his arm towards his right, as in reaching for something. “But that time is now gone, today, I think I will kill all of you, defile your corpses and use you as a warning since two dead bodies seem to not do the trick well enough.” 

With a shout, the commander and the soldiers charge against him, and at the same time, a long, thin sword comes flying right into the dhampir’s hand. With a flash of red he disappears, but before that you have time to blink, you see the throat of two of the men cut open, blood pouring down their bodies like a waterfall. In different circumstances you might have been horrified, but as it stands, you are filled with a sick feeling of pleasure. The room is soon filled with screams of agony and terror, you look at it ensuring that no soldier manages to reach you, which you don’t think will be the case now that all their weapons are focused on your blond saviour. 

Your eyes keep moving, trying to keep pace with the ruthless efficient with which he is disposing of them, but despite his superior skills, he is still outnumbered, and just as he is ripping his sword from the torso of one of the last soldiers left, you see the commander rising his sword behind his back, ready to strike. 

For just a moment in time, you wonder if you should let him take the hit, you are fairly sure the dhampir would not die, but if he is injured by the time he has finished the rest of them off… it might give you a chance to escape. But as soon as this thought crosses your mind, you are reminded of his eyes, those eyes full of deep sorrow and a yearning so profound that it makes your heart ache, and so, the decision is made for you. 

Without time to focus and gather your magic, you force the essence around you to course through your veins at a speed too great for you to handle without damage. But there’s no time to waste as you extend your arms towards the commander. You think of him murdering your sisters, commanding his men to set fire you to your homes, how he killed any of the villagers that tried to aid you, torturing them before putting an end to their misery, is with a scream of pain, a pain not related to your body, but a pain related to your soul that you release all the magic you have left on a brutal strike. Pushing with all your might, a spike erupts from the floor with tremendous strength and speed, effectively piercing him through the throat before he can deliver the last strike. 

You smile weakly, exhausted, but satisfied in the end. You are glad you were the one to kill him, and you wish you had the energy to spit on his dead body and tell him to enjoy the rest of eternity in hell as he grasps for air. His hands reach for the spike in a pathetic attempt to do something about the situation, his brain not understanding that this is it, he is going to die and there’s nothing to be done about it. 

The dhampir looks at him as he gurgles in blood before going limp, the last thread of life abandoning the bastard. With that, all of them are now dead, but as the magic and adrenaline abandons you, so does the last remnant of your strength. 

Your eyes turn towards the dhampir, but before you can think of anything, you feel consciousness slipping away. The last thing you sense before collapsing on the hard floor are the curses coming from him as his eyes widen. You are mildly aware of something moving you, but while your cheek is pressed against something firm and warm, and the smell of elderflowers envelops you, you are lost to the world of dreams. 

\---------------------------

The first thing you notice when you wake up is the warmth and softness surrounding you, sadly, this is quickly swallowed by the piercing pain that hits you from all around as soon as you try to move as much as a finger. Your mind is now thankfully clear, quickly making you aware of your surroundings. You have vague memories of a presence, of you being restless, but the more you try to remember, the more it fades away. 

Gritting your teeth, you sit up in the ample bed you find yourself into. The many pillows at your back make for a comfortable back rest as you stare in wonder at the room. The first thing you notice is the window and the night sky, indicating you have been asleep for at least half the day or more. The second is the fire lit in front of the bed, keeping the room warm and illuminated with it’s gentle light with two comfortable looking armchairs positioned in front of it. Thirdly, you marble at the sensation of the luxurious sheets helping to keep you warm, and it is when you are doing this that you take notice of your own body. 

Your many injuries are now clean, your once healthy skin looking sickly and covered in bruises. Your torned clothes are nowhere to be found, instead, all you are wearing is a soft tunic hanging loosely from your shoulders, it’s size too big for your frame. It doesn’t cross your mind how to be this way, it means someone had to undress you, see you naked as they cleaned your body and looked after you. For you and your coven nudity has never been something to be ashamed of, is not something that was nor encouraged nor punished, it was just a state of nature, something that simple is. 

As you stop inspecting yourself, your eyes fall into the bedside table and the tray containing a closed bowl, water and what seems to be some kind of tea. The thought of someone in this castle leaving this for you fills you with gratitude and emotions so intense that you need to force it down, or else the tears you have been holding on to will overwhelm you. So you push it down, gulping and hoping the knot on your throat will allow you to have a much needed meal. 

Slowly, you sit on the edge of the bed, trying to ignore the pain as much as you can and reaching first and foremost for the water. With shaky hands, you take a few sips of the refreshing liquid, enjoying the cooling sensation running down your throat. Next, you lift the lid from the bowl, and the delicious smell of food makes you close your eyes with delight. Waiting for you is a still hot grilled trout in a bed of steamed vegetables, and while you are not sure of how much you will be able to eat, your mouth waters at the sight. In another pot, you find seasoned mushrooms, and the smell of the seasoning makes your stomach growl. 

You eagerly hold the cutlery that has been left for you, and slowly but steadily, you start to make work of your meal. Soon, you are halfway through, but already too full to take another bite. 

Now that your hunger is sated, you rub your chest as you notice a muted feeling of discomfort in it, you apply some pressure on it, hoping it will alleviate it, but when this doesn’t work, you take the cup of tea and stand up from the bed. Perhaps stretching your legs for a moment will help. The tunic covering you is of good quality, soft but not too thin with a slight smell of elderflowers still clinging to it. 

Slowly, you make it to one of the armchairs. Sitting down you hold the hot drinks in your hands as your mind starts to recapitulate the events of the last months of your life, trying to ignore the nagging feeling holding onto your chest. You think of everything you’ve lost, the lives of your sisters, gone, your Coven, all destroyed, nothing to return to, nothing to call home again. A sob threatens to choke you as the memories rush in, however, before you can dwell on your loss, you feel the presence of someone outside your door. Not someone, him, the dhampir. He must be aware of you being awake, and you wonder how many times he has been checking on you while you were unconscious. You feel gratitude once more, but also uncertainty. He took care of you while you were gone, that’s true, but will he extend his welcome now that you are awake? 

One way or another, you need to find out, and foremost, you need to thank him for his help. You clear your throat, and with your hands loosely around the cup, you say. 

“You know I can feel your presence next to the door, right?” 

Silence follows, but after a few moments the door opens slowly, revealing the dhampir standing there. He looks slightly uncomfortable, but you can sense the relief emanating of him. He takes a few steps inside the room until he is standing next to the fire, his hand resting on the opposing armchair. When he notices your state of clothing, he turns his face around, avoiding you. 

“Put on some clothes for god’s sake.” 

You look at yourself, at the tunic covering you from shoulders to mid thighs and look back at him. 

“I _am_ dressed.” 

“Put something _decent_.”

You scoff, but before you can say anything, a blanket is thrown at you. Sometimes you forget how outsiders act about their so-called decency, but with no wish to cause trouble, you decide to put the blanket over your legs. When he is sure you are “decent”, he turns towards you once again.

“At least you are finally awake.”

“That I am. I assume you are the one I have to thank for… all of this.” You say while looking at the room. 

“Hm. I suppose.” 

He tries to be nonchalant, to step away from this, but you can see the conflicting emotions behind his eyes. 

“You suppose? Is there anyone else living here with you?” You inquire, giving him a puzzled look. 

“No, I am here on my own.” He answer plainly

Your heart constraints with sadness and sympathy when you hear the hidden pain in his words. You offer him a smile, and patting the arm rest you invite him to join you. Hesitating, he looks at you before finally sitting down and crossing his elegant legs. Now that your mind is not entirely focused on your survival, you take a moment to observe the dhampir. 

His long, elegant body sits stiffly, almost as if he is unable to relax. His long blond hair falls freely down his chest, a chest marked for what appears to be a deep scar. His long face is matched with elegant features, a long nose, full lower lip and long lashes framing his yellow eyes. Ah, those eyes, you see the burrowed pain once again, and you wonder how long he has been this way. How long he has been silently hurting with no one to share it with, just like you. 

Stretching your hands towards him, you introduce yourself. 

“My name is Xiana.” 

He looks at your hand in quiet consideration, as if deciding if said hand is a mortal weapon or salvation. You do not realise you are holding your breath until he finally reaches with his own hand, giving you a gentle squeeze when his smooth fingers wrap around your smaller hand. And you, being as focused on him as you are, fail to notice the unpleasant feeling in your chest lifting until it’s almost gone. 

“I am called Alucard.” He says as he takes his hand back onto his lap. 

“In that case, I offer you my gratitude, Alucard.” Looking into your cup for a few seconds, you meet his gaze one more time before saying. “I do not think I would be alive right now if not for you. Or perhaps I would be, which would certainly be a worse destiny.”

His stern face turns into a small smile. 

“Why, you think the Inquisitors wouldn’t treat a witch with the utmost respect?” 

You snort, a short, pained snort at that. You hold your ribs as pain stops you from laughing anymore. 

“Oh no, I am sure they would treat me like a Queen, no doubt about it.” He gives you a humorous scoff, and for some reason, this makes you happy. “Did you cook that food?” 

“I did.” He glances at the unfinished food, and while he says nothing, you know what the unasked question crossing his mind is.

“It was delicious.” You say with a smile. “But I don’t think I am capable of eating much just yet. Being on the run for so long…” You stop yourself, not wanting to think about it right now. “Well, it really affects your body.” You quickly finish through a strained smile.

“In that case, I shall remember that.” You look at him, slight confusion on your face, which grants you a smirk from his. “I will continue to bring you food until you have your strength back, it wouldn’t be that great if I offered you my hospitality just to let you starve in this room, don’t you think?”

You laugh one more time, ignoring the pain on your ribs as you do so. “I suppose no, it wouldn't make much sense.”

You stare at him, and as he looks back at you, with certain sympathy and ease in his expression, you can sense something flashing before his eyes. And just as the smile was there a moment ago, is now gone. 

He stands, not quick enough to call it abrupt, but certainly quick enough to sense the urgency on his movements. He turns his back to you, walking towards the door and standing there as he gives you his final words. 

“You have been unconscious for 3 days. You are free to stay until you recover, but after that, you will march and you shall not return here again.” 

Then, he is gone, and with him gone, the persistent ache on your chest is back. You look at the door, smiling when you still feel his presence on the other side. He is allowing you to stay, an improvement from wanting to kill you and stake you, most certainly. He stays there for a few moments, and then you can not feel his presence any more. A sense of hollowness settles on you, and with a frown, you finish your tea and decide to go back to bed. 

Burrowing under the covers, you comence to think and plan for the future, wondering what you will do next and where will you go, but as you keep thinking, the scent of elderflowers envelops you once again, and wondering why this brings you such peace, sleep claims you one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment if you enjoyed (or hated lmao) the chapter! I always love to hearing about your thoughts if you want to share them :D


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eternal thanks to Dove and Six for helping me catch shit tons of grammar errors on this chapter <3

You awake with the light of the early morning, the brightness coming from the window urging you to open your eyes. As you glare at the light, you curse your past self for not closing the curtains the night before, but to be very honest with yourself, something as minute as daylight was not at the top of your priorities. 

You consider closing the curtains and going back to sleep, the prospect of facing the uncertainty of your future being something you do not wish to do, but oh, now that you are thinking about it, it’s already too late to ignore, especially as the hollowness that weighs you down settles in your chest once more. With a resigned sigh, you sit up on the bed as you contemplate anything but your own life, like the patterns on the carpet, or the textures of the bed, or the fire no longer burning in your room. 

You wonder if there’s some kind of magic involved in this castle as you realise how warm the room is despite the lack of a fire. It might not be winter yet, but this part of Europe is still colder than what you are used to back hom-

You inhale sharply as a sting of pain grows in your chest, the fact that you no longer have a home hurting more than any injury you ever suffered. Images of fire, the sounds of screams, the smell of burnt flesh starting to overwhelm you. No, don’t think about it, you are not ready, you say to yourself, you can’t face this. 

So you grip the bed, swallowing the silent scream that begs to be released, the grief that will send you down the black hole of your misery, the hollowness that is becoming so great that you fear it will swallow you completely, and then, you rub your face in an attempt to perhaps rub the memories away, focusing on your breathing and the feeling of your shaky hands against your eyes, stopping the tears from overflowing, stopping you from feeling too much. 

With a ragged breath, you get up and walk towards the window, desperate for something to distract yourself with. It’s a beautiful morning, now that you pay attention to it. The sun is not fully out yet, thus painting the blue sky with tints of pink and orange. 

Reaching for the blanket that Alucard threw at you last night, you wrap it around yourself as you open the window and sit on the sill. The cool breeze of dawn makes you shiver as it brushes against your skin, and you allow it for a few silent minutes, letting the cold calm your raging emotions before you tighten your hold on the blanket and quietly watch the sunrise. Heeding the peace of the morning, you let yourself focus on the sounds and smells that reach you in your lonely window. You hear the birds singing on the trees, the sound of running water nearby, a creek, perhaps? Then, you breathe in, and when you do so, you are once again enveloped in the sweet scent of elderflowers. 

You pause for a moment, and reaching for the tunic you are still wearing under the blanket, you bring it close to your nose. It still carries the same scent, the one that for some reason brings you some sort of peace, the one that has now started to feel familiar. 

However, before you can think more about this subject, your thoughts are interrupted by the door silently opening. Your attention turns towards the movement as you take notice of Alucard’s presence before you actually see him. You frown slightly at the fact that you didn’t notice before, but quickly discard it as you wait for him to finally open the door, blaming your carelessness on your poor state. 

“Oh.” He says when he sees you sitting on the windowsill. He is wearing a simple white shirt along with black breeches and a pair of black boots, and to match the set, the face of someone that has been caught in the middle of something they should not be doing. With a smile, you push aside the creeping darkness that encompasses your memories. 

“Good morning, Alucard.”

He stares at you, hesitating before walking in, holding under his arms what appears to be a set of clothes. “I did not expect you to be awake so early.” 

You arch an eyebrow at his words, a playful smile forming on your lips before you answer. 

“Are you saying you were going to sneak into the room while I was sleeping?” Amusement slips through your voice against your will, and while you can sense a hint of humour in his, he has the decency to sound slightly embarrassed.

“Umm, I suppose walking here without announcement now that you are not unconscious anymore is not exactly appropriate.” You chuckle and offer him a heartfelt smile, the first in quite some time, if you are being honest, and in return, you are granted a small smile. “I brought you some clothes, the ones you came with were ruined.” 

He walks towards the bed and sets down what appears to be a simple long sleeved purple dress along with a set of comfortable shoes. Glancing at your position and the open window, he asks in the quiet, raspy voice that characterizes him. “Were you unable to sleep?” While you can’t hear anything but the neutrality of his voice, you don’t miss the undertone of concern that emanates from him.

Closing the window, you finally get off the sill and move towards the clothes. Remembering his reaction at your lack of clothing the prior night, you ensure the blanket stays safely around your shoulders. “I just woke up, actually. It’s been a while before I had the opportunity to enjoy a moment of peace.” Looking at the dress, you reach with your fingers towards the fabric, marvelling at the softness of it. As with the bedding and everything here, you can see the skill that was put into making it.

“Is it truly alright to give this to me?” You ask without taking your eyes off it.

“Yes, the person who it belonged to would insist you have it.”

A muted sadness taints his raspy voice when he answers, instantly moving your eyes from the dress to his face. He is looking at the dress with such profound emotions, that you can’t help but wonder who was the owner of this dress, so you ask with a quiet, soft voice. 

“Belonged to?” 

He runs his fingers through the fabric, the touch almost ceremonious in it’s care. 

“It was my mother’s, and as I said, she would have insisted for you to take it.” 

You don’t need to ask to know his mother is dead, the emotions you perceive, the way he looks, touches and talks about it, proof enough of it. This pain is one you are intimately familiar with, so, without thinking, you place your hand over his, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“I’m sorry that you lost her.” 

He says nothing, neither does he move away from your touch, but you can sense his body relaxing on the slightest, part of his grief easing with this brief connection, and in this moment that you share, before he carefully takes his hand away, you fail to realise how a minuscule part of the hollow in your heart lifts with it. 

“Thank you.” He finally says, his voice sounding broken for just a moment before taking a step back and heading for the door. “I was going to head outside to fetch some food, but I could bring you a book, some paper and ink too if you wish to entertain yourself before I go.” 

“Wait. Are you… going foraging?” Excitement and need is evident in your voice with you making no effort to hide it, which makes Alucard’s posture become guarded. 

“Amongst other things, yes.” His tone is cautious, and so is his gaze as he looks at you. 

“May I come with you?” Foraging is something you have always enjoyed, even if you never really needed it until the past few months on the run, but most of all, you always enjoyed foraging with company, and while you know you might not be of much use while you are still weak, you can’t deny that a part of you, broken and aching from the loss of everything you ever held dear, screams with hope at the chance of enjoying a moment of company. 

“I don’t think you are in shape to come out just yet.” He says giving you a long look. 

“Is there a rush I am not aware of?” You ask with your tone deflating by the second. 

“I- No, there is not.” A small frown settles on his face as he observes you now with clear doubts on his face.

“Then, perhaps you can help me out?” Your face shines with hope you don’t want to lean too hard into, but you can’t help but do, your need for this so intense that you decide to ignore his growing discomfort. “I won’t slow you too much, and I can help too.” 

“I don’t need your help.” He says in a cutting tone. 

His words, spoken in such a tone, hit deeper than you would like to admit, and by the way his shoulders slump down, with his eyes falling to the ground and his hands closing into fists, you know he feels it too. 

You scramble for some resemblance of control, biting your lip down and forcing the tears that want to pour down to remain inside of you. You fixate your eyes on the ground and try to not think about your broken self, about the gaping hole in your heart that hurts every waking moment, the emptiness that you try to ignore but never fully disappears, the hollowness that only seems to be better when you are with him, the one that tears you apart at the prospect of loneliness yet once again. 

Your eyes start to sting when the unshed tears burning your eyes try to fight their way through, and a thick knot settles in your throat when you try to swallow the pain, as you always do, as you must to endure. You know he didn’t mean to cause such pain, that he could not possibly know of the wounds that run deep in your soul, and with all your might, you manage once again to force the agony down, to take it back to the darkest depths of your being. While you are not ready to speak about it, you think he deserves to know at least something, and so, with your eyes still on the floor, you speak with a broken voice 

“I just don’t want to be alone. I’ve had enough of it.” This is the first place that has made you feel safe in a long time, a place in which you may be able to gather yourself, slow down for just a moment before being thrown again back into the cold, dark world. But you do not voice this, the wounds still too fresh, too intimate to share. 

When you finally look up and find his eyes, the wave of emotions that hits you is almost too great to handle. You had never seen eyes holding so much pain before this moment, so much fear, so many doubts, the reflection of something once pure now broken and twisted. And your heart aches, it aches as you stare into the amber of his eyes, it aches for him, for you and for everything that has been lost to the cruelty of this world. 

“...I will wait for you at the end of the hall.” His usually raspy voice is now dim and slightly hoarse, and under it all… you sense understanding, sympathy for a pain that he understands. 

As quietly as he came in, he leaves the room and lets you dress in peace, taking a deep breath you turn to the clothes and taking the tunic off, you comence to slowly put on the beautiful piece. Your body aches as you move, but unlike before, the pain is now dull and easier to deal with. Steadily, you finish dressing up and head out of the room. 

Like he said, he waits for you, now with a basket hanging from his hand, and when you walk towards him and see the waves of emotions reflecting on his still face, you understand why he won’t meet your eyes, and like that, your heart reaches out for him again. The gloomy tendrils of sadness spread across your soul when you know you can’t offer him the comfort he needs, the comfort that he would most certainly deny. 

But gods, do you wish to do so. He is the first being you have encountered that gave you the opportunity to slow down, even if just for a brief time. And even without being in the run, you live in a near constant battle against yourself and the memories that plague you. But when you look at him, when you look at his clear blond hair falling freely down his back, you can’t help but smile. 

He finally looks at you, his gaze falling upon the smile pulling the corners of your lips, and when you see regret morphing into guilt, you think that perhaps you can’t give him a hug, something you are familiar with, but you can make light of the situation and give him a way out. 

“I know I don’t do justice to this beautiful dress, but you don’t need to look so appalled, you know?” 

The confused expression that shows for a second makes you snort, which in return paints his lips in that small smile you have missed more than you realised. 

“It fits you well.” After a short pause in which he observes you from head to toes with critical eyes, he continues. “I wasn’t sure if the size would be right for you.” 

You smile playfully as a mischievous glint shines in your eyes. 

“Well, I’m sure you had plenty of time to measure me up when you got rid of my clothes.” You can’t help but laugh heartily when his eyes widen and his face takes a turn for what you would define as the face that someone makes when they are choking on a piece of food. 

“That is not wha-” 

“It’s alright, Alucard.” You cut him off with a low chuckle, placing your hand on an arm that feels pleasantly firm and warm under your slender fingers before letting it slide back to your side. “I’m just messing with you. I’m grateful for what you did, and I promise I won’t hold against you the affront on my honour.” You say with a wink and a chuckle.

Looking down the hall, you see the stairs that wait at the end of it, and to be honest with yourself, you are not sure if you are in good enough shape to make it down by yourself, so you give him an apologetic smile and ask “Would it be too much of a bother if I asked you to help me down the stairs?” 

His body stiffens at your words, but after a moment of quick consideration, he relaxes and nods before offering his arm to you.

“I should be grateful, it’s always a relief to know a witch doesn’t want your head in a pike.” He says with an humorous tone as you place your hands around his arm, taking a step closer and bringing it to the side of your body, snorting while you wave dismissively.

“In my actual state, I would be lucky if I could prickle your finger with some thorns.” 

“My front door begs to disagree.” You chuckle at his words, and at the sound of it he glances at you before returning his eyes forward. In that brief moment, you can see the merry shine of a speck of joy on them before his eyes turn serious, but this time, it’s not something that makes him retreat within himself. “And so would that human if he were still alive. You did a number of him before losing consciousness.” Your grip on his arms tightens without your consent, and if he notices, he doesn’t seem to care about it. 

“That was a life or death situation, if not worse.” You say in a voice so quiet that you don’t think he would be able to hear you were he not a dhampir. “What I did then took a toll on me, one that will take me some time to recover from, if I am honest.” 

“You know what I am, you know I would have finished them all without your intervention.” His raspy voice is low as usual, his calm tone subtily soothing you. A pang of guilt settles in your stomach when you remember how you considered allowing the human bastard to strike, and this just increases when he continues, especially as you hear the sincerity of his voice. “I wanted to thank you.” 

“Considering you saved my life, you have nothing to thank me for.” You say not wanting to be rude, but not capable of just accepting his gratitude.

“Umm, well, you did save me from the inconvenience that dealing with a back stab would have been.” He smiles at you for a moment, and you can’t help but smile in return. 

“Then we could say we are even on that regard.” You feel laughter starting to form in your chest as you think of something. “But please, tell me you are not keeping tabs on what we have done for one another, I can’t afford it, you know.”

He chuckles, and as you continue walking in a comfortable silence, the front door, now cleared from rocks, appears in front of you. The closer you get to the door, the more uncomfortable and closed off he grows. His body becomes tense, his face darkening as his lips are pressed in a firm line, and then you see it again. The impaled bodies of the Inquisition’s soldiers along with the other two you don’t know about. 

This time, you notice something that had escaped you the previous time, in the middle of the chaos of your first encounter. The bodies, unlike the soldiers, are dressed with just sleeping attire, completely naked underneath. A dark, heavy knot settles on your body when you see bitterness and pain reflected on Alucard’s face. But underneath all, what unsettles you the most is the betrayal that you can see in his eyes. You don’t know what these people did to him, but seeing his reaction and the state of their bodies, you can’t think anything good of it. 

Now, you don’t know this dhampir, but you know that he could have killed you long ago. Instead, he housed you, he fed you, he treated your wounds, he gave you somewhere to stay, even if just temporarily, and he did all this while fighting with himself. You have been able to sense the constant battle he fights, his instincts and desires against his reason and fears. 

Multiple scenarios cross your mind, and all of them are worse than the one before, but in the end, when you sense the deep sorrow, so great that you can almost touch it, you push them away. Yes, you don’t know what happened, and you don’t know him, but your instincts tell you he is neither evil nor cruel. 

Not that it matters when you will be leaving soon. 

The rotting smell of decay as you walk down the last steps hits your nose with the morning breeze. You scrunch your nose in distaste, and Alucard’s stiff body becomes so rigid that you are surprised he retains the ability to walk. Silently, you lean more against him in an attempt to take his attention from the depths of his mind, the energy that emanates from him one too familiar for comfort. 

You know what it is like to delve in the darkest corners of your mind, how easily one can get lost in the bleeding wounds of the past, how when you have nothing left, pain becomes the only shelter you trust, and you don’t want him to fall in that bottomless pit of suffering. Not if you can help it. 

When he feels your change of balance, he stops walking, and the eyes that were looking at a far away place that only he knows, turn towards you. “Are you feeling alright?” 

You give him a faint smile. “I think I overestimated my strength.” You pause for a moment and meet his eyes. “I would still like to continue, if you don’t mind helping me a bit more?” You look up to the sky, now turned into a bright blue with the warm rays of sunlight warming up your face. “It’s too beautiful a day to spend it inside, don’t you think?” 

He looks at you with a mix of curiosity and confusion, as if trying to resolve a mystery only he knows about, but finally, he answers you, and while his expression remains tense, the rest of his body relaxed slightly. “Yes, I can see why you would prefer to be out here.” 

You put your hands around his arm, more firmly this time, and leaning more of your weight on him, you continue silently walking, entering the forest until you reach a small river. This is what you must have heard this morning, you think, and with a content sigh you let go of his arm as you go to sit down by a tree. 

The morning chill is not unpleasant, the fresh scent of nature always brings you peace, and as you run your fingers between the soft grass, the texture grounding you in a way that you need, you think that after some rest you will try to find some herbs that you think might grow in the area. 

A sad smile forms on your face when you think that the faster you recover, the sooner you will have to go, and while you hate feeling weak, unable to protect yourself, would it be so bad if you took a few more days to recover? After all, you doubt anyone else will come after you anytime soon, so certainly, there should be no issue with extending your strange sta-

You open your eyes when Alucard’s presence vanishes, he is nowhere to be found, and as you look around trying to find him, calling out for him, you press your hand against your chest as the nothiness around you makes the hollow in your being grow greater. 

You try to concentrate on the life around you, on the presence of the birds on the trees, the herd of deers that walk somewhere on the river, on the fox that sleeps inside its burrow. But it’s all useless, the comfort that nature once provided is no longer enough to mute the emptiness of your heart. 

And as you clutch your chest, desperate to find _something_ to hold on to, to find his presence amongst the others, but failing in the end, you allow yourself to silently weep the bitter tears of grief. 

* * *

He observes your face as filtered light caresses your skin, locks of hair falling loose down your shoulders, the sweet aroma of your skin enveloping him, and when the way too familiar pull of longing makes him wish he was sitting next to you, he averts his eyes from the sight, tearing the treacherous feeling to shreds. He can’t afford to be fooled again, to believe the gentle touch of your hand upon his arm is honest, that your smiles don’t hide secret intentions, that the way your eyes shine with a light of their own are nothing but his imagination. 

He can’t forget how your body tensed up when you saw the impaled corpses, when you saw the brutality he is capable of. But most of all, he can’t forget how dangerous you are, how easily you made him relax with such a simple action, how you took his mind away from the past, away from _them._

At first, he helped you in honour of his mother, her memory being the only reason he didn’t throw you away when you were in need of medical help. And for a moment, you made him want to trust, you made him weak, and that is a luxury he can not afford again. Trust brings nothing but suffering. Be a fool to trust, and the only thing he will get in return is betrayal and abandonment. 

He just needs to deal with you for a few days, perhaps a few weeks, and after that, you and the conflicting emotions you awaken in him will be gone, forever.

Loneliness was not something he enjoyed, but at least, solitude came with its own invaluable advantage, safety. 

Gathering his resolve, he sets his mask of indifference back on his face, tightening the grip on the basket as he tries to rebuild the walls around him. 

With his inhuman speed, he flees from your side, away from your sight, away from the scent that makes him want to step closer, away from the eyes that make him wish for something better. 

He won’t be a pathetic, pitiful fool who cries himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment if you enjoyed (or hated lmao) the chapter! I always love to hearing about your thoughts if you want to share them :D


	3. Chapter 3

After almost half the morning slowly walking through the forest, you have gathered all the herbs you wanted. This task would usually take you no time at all, and while you want to pretend you are being so idle because of your injuries, the truth is you don’t want to face Alucard again. Every time the slightest feeling of camaraderie appears between you, he steps back and slams his walls down. 

And in a different time, you would have been there to help him, to reassure him like you had done so many times back at home. But not now, not when you are defective and broken. With a deep breath, you start your way back into the castle, dragging your feet as you do so, dreading the moment of seeing him. 

With your eyes no longer red and swollen, you try to reason why his absence hurts so much. You have always been someone used to company, but you also had moments of solitude before, so why does his distance make you feel like something is being taken away from you? You don’t know anything about him, yet, every part of your being demands that you get closer to him. But everytime he grows cold, you can feel a part of you getting lost. Perhaps you cou-

Your thoughts are stopped in their tracks when you hear something. Some sort of… whimper? Immediately, your body tenses up as you try to find the origin of the sound, trying to sense  _ anything _ out of the ordinary. Ignoring the impaled bodies, you rush your way to the entrance, and there it is again, the same whimper, this time slightly clearer, closer. You press your body forward, ignoring its complaints as you focus on finding the origin of this sound. 

You walk up the stairs as quickly as your legs will allow you, following the whining sound that lures you closer. The sound induces such… sadness? This is the sound of a lonely creature, and part of you urges you closer, to reach out, to help, to stop the suffering from whoever is creating this sound. So you keep moving, following the sound until you arrive at a section of the castle that is almost set in ruins. 

Stones plague the hallways, almost as if a great fight took place here, and considering the layers of dust that lays here, it appears like no one has walked across this side of the castle in a long time. The whining is so intense that you are not sure if you are hearing it or actually  _ feeling _ it, but the calling you feel is almost throwing you over the edge. 

You try to concentrate, use what little magic you have now to move the rocks, and as you try to harness the power around you, you feel a disturbance in it, your magic once ran free through your veins, like the water that flows in a river, easily manipulated with just your will, but since you were forced out of your home, the torrent started to become a drip, almost like if the stream was being filtered by layers and layers of rocks and gravel. But as you get closer to the sound, you feel your magic becoming stronger again, and even if it’s not even close to what it once was, it’s enough to clear the way. You keep pushing forward, and the stronger the whines, the stronger your need to find it. 

You are close, you can feel it in your bones, just a bit more and you will reach the creature that calls you with such deep woe. You can’t see the being, but you can now feel it, somewhere beneath the debris it can feel you too, and the need to find it becomes almost unbearable. The creature feels… strange, but you ignore this, all rational thought left you already, and all your intent is set on releasing it from this torment. 

You push away the last of the stones blocking your way, and then, before you can react, you scream as a flash of black and blue launches against you. 

\------------------

Alucard had returned to the castle shortly after leaving, guilt riding him strong. He despised himself no matter what he did. Getting closer to her was a mistake, but pushing her away made him ache with a sensation he hated. Maybe this was what he was destined to, after all, to live a life of misery like his father did in the end, have a moment of fleeting happiness in their eternal life just to have it ripped, to make the absence of it more painful. 

With Trevor and Sypha, he had found companionship, people he trusted, people that mattered, something he thought lost after his mother’s passing. In the end, they left him behind, and who could blame them. He missed them, terribly so, but they were humans, their lives short compared to his own. They wanted to enjoy their mortal lives, travel the world and explore its wonders. 

Or Sypha did, at least. 

But it didn’t matter anymore, what was important was the woman that was making him remember things he wishes he could forget. And what was important was getting rid of the crippling guilt he felt every time he did something that deflated the light within her eyes. Those beautiful eyes that stared at him, making he feel like if she could see right through him and right into his so- 

_ “No. Stop this madness.”  _ He thinks to himself, stopping his train of thought. He runs his hand through his hair, pushing some of the locks getting on his face back and focusing on preparing the food. The food for him and Xia-

_ “Stop it, you fucking imbecile.”  _ But before he can reprimand himself any longer, the piercing scream of a familiar voice resonantes through the castle. A sudden fear takes ahold of him, and moving at the speed only one of his kind can manage, he rushes towards her side. With his heart beating at a maddening speed in his chest, he comes to a sudden stop when he sees the cause of the scream. 

\-------------

You giggle like a maniac when the tiny… undead dog, you guess? Keeps lapping at your face. All distress emanating from him completely erased as the black furred creature happily wags his tiny tail.

“Are you fucking kidding me…” You are distracted by the groan that comes from the door, and when you turn around, you see Alucard’s annoyed figure staring at you. Forgetting for just a moment all the old pain that plagues you, you smile at him brightly. 

“Alucard! Look at this!” You show him the undead puppy, missing an eye socket and the flesh of one of his legs, yet, excited as if there was nothing wrong at all. “I had never encountered an undead creature like this before, it’s amazing!” You scratch the dog’s head when the little guy barks at you. “Yes, yes, excuse me sir dog.” You giggle again as you return your attention to him. 

The dog rolls in your lap, showing you his belly and his tongue hanging from its mouth. You start rubbing and scratching with dedication as you continue to speak without taking your eyes from him. 

“This is fascinating, I had seen undead creations before, but this one? He feels and acts like a regular dog!” Your excitement is clear in your voice and your beaming face, which only makes Alucard annoyance increase. 

“For god’s sake, are you fucking kiding me?” He mumbles under his breath with a deep frown setting on his features. “I thought-!” He cuts himself off before carrying his words - _ I thought something happened to you- _ .

Your eyes meet his, and as you look at him, you can see his emotions more clearly than ever before. You wonder what is different this time, but as you look at his pale gaze, you can’t help but smile softly. He was worried for you, despite everything else, he was worried and rushed to your side as fast as he could. It warms your heart more than you expected. 

Glaring at you and the dog for a solid second, he… snarls? Yes, you are sure that you heard him  _ snarl _ , but before you have time to properly think about it, he turns around, closes the door behind him and without uttering a single world, disappears as quickly as he arrived.

You remain there, almost astonished at the little display he gave you, but without a moment's hesitation, you leave the dog on the floor and rush after him, the dog happily running behind you. He hears your steps resonating through the hall, of that you have no doubt, but regardless he doesn’t stop walking. You call after him, and at the sound of your voice, he stops on his tracks and turns around to face you too quickly for you to react on time, and as a result, you collapse against his chest, hands flat against it. The smell of elderflowers envelops you, and for just a moment, you inhale the sweet scent instead of pulling back. 

He doesn’t budge, not even when you take a moment to take note of his scent -even if you feel him shudder through the fabric that separates your hands from his chest-, not in the slightest, his eyes drilling you into the spot with barely self contained frustration, and for your delight, an underlayer of confusion. The dog is at your feet, reaching with his paws -or what’s left of them- hoping that you will hold him up. Without thinking, you gather him in your arms and pet him, but you can’t fail to miss how Alucard’s eyes stare at the creature with deep annoyance. You smile internally, and adjusting the dog in your arms, you shield him from his gaze as you start to talk. 

“I’m sorry.” You say plainly. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”    
  
“I was not.” He snaps. 

“Right. Of course.” You don’t let his words sting, not when the irritation born of concern emanates from him.

“Night creatures have come around this land in the past, and when  _ you  _ screamed like a banshee, I had to ensure that wasn’t the case.” 

You don’t need to be good at reading people to smell the lie from miles away. Even if there had been night creatures around, you doubt that they would dare to come into the castle, the power that seeps from it being… not a welcoming one. You try to hide the smile, the little dog having put you in much better spirits than you were earlier on. 

“So you  _ were  _ worried, after all.” 

He glares at you with such intensity, that if not for the still evident stress in the stiffness of his muscles, you might have taken it seriously. “You are my guest, witch, letting you die wouldn’t be appropriate.” 

Another lie. 

“Really? I thought you usually kill your guests?” Irritation starts to dissipate as you keep jesting with him, and if you might say so yourself, it makes you feel a bit more proud than it probably should. 

“Would you rather be dead out in the woods?” He says, raising an eyebrow at you.

“Oh no, this castle is perfectly fine, if you don’t mind the dust and mold here and there, that’s it.” You offer him a smile, a welcoming lightheartedness spreads in your chest, almost making you forget the ever lasting hollow that chases you. “But what can I say, it’s warm and I have no one trying to kill me, aside from you, that’s it. I will consider it an upgrade.” You can see a smile tugging at his corner, and with this, you consider the victory yours. 

Returning your attention to the dog, you notice that it’s falling asleep in your arms. Uh, you wonder if he actually needs to sleep or if it’s something born from habit. You scratch him between the eyes -or the eye and the empty socket, you guess you should say - and coo at him. 

“You are one strange woman.” He says while still trying to repress the smile that you can see trying to push its way through, instead, covering it with a mask of indifference and judgment. 

“Umm? Why?” You ask, unsure of what he is talking about. 

“You are treating this half decomposed dog like a beautiful, young pup.” You chuckle at the grimace of his face as you bring the little animal to your face. 

“How could I not when he is so adorable?” You say as you rub your cheek with his own before a pained smile forms on your lips. Holding the animal against your chest, you speak with your gaze focused on something that no one can see. “And besides, you didn’t hear him. You didn’t hear the noises he made. The deep sadness in it.” You close your eyes as pain spreads in your soul, frowning at the memories that come with it. “The loneliness that I could hear in his lament…” It’s one you are familiar with, you think. “It was horrible, I could truly feel the despair on it.” You pause for a moment to gather your thoughts before continuing. “I just can’t deny him the affection he has been denied for who knows how long.” 

For a second, you see his body slumping into himself as the shadow of painful memories darkens his features, but just as it appears, it disappears a moment after. With a pained expression that he fails to hide, he reaches out for the dog, and with his long, elegant fingers, he gives him so gentle strokes. It doesn’t escape you how careful he is to not touch you by accident, and without any input of your own, you look at his hand as you wish you could press your cheek against his palm. 

The thought takes you back to your home, for moment in time, as you close your eyes, you can see everyone you loved, you remember the cool summer nights that you and your siblings would expend snuggling to one another, the warmth of their bodies against your own, the affection that was given freely to one another, the companionship you experienced through your whole life, the deep comfort of their unconditional love. A love that you have los-

A wet tongue strikes against your chin in a merciless attack. It startles you for a moment, making you open eyes that you didn’t realise had been closed, but when you look down at the tiny dog and his tail that commences to wag as soon as you make eye contact, you smile. And perhaps, it is not the smile that made you feel whole once upon a time, but as this strange creature continues to lap at you, maybe sensing your distress, you can’t help but smile nonetheless. 

* * *

His hand falls back to his side when Alucard observes her gaze drifting somewhere far away, a look in her expression that he recognises. In the short time they have been co-existing, he has come to realise she is not someone that hides from her emotions, she embraces them freely, with no restrictions, a quality that he boths fears and desires. 

But not when she remembers. He has only seen glimpses of it, of the grief that stains her vibrant spirit and makes him wish he could comfort her. But he can’t, no matter what, he can’t fall prisoner of his impulses and needs. Even if he wants to trust, even if he wants to believe. He needs to remember that only pain comes from it. 

But as she stands in front of him, as he sees the painful smile on her lips, he can’t help but wonder if perhaps, just for this one moment, he could afford to offer a small kindness. 

Not giving himself too much time to question himself, he starts to move his hand forward, slowly reaching for the face that, for some reason, he hates seeing in such sorrow. Her eyes are closed, the memories surely taking hold of her, something that he understands, something that he suffers every night, when he lies on his bed and can’t keep the thoughts away. 

His fingertips are close to her cheek, so close that he can feel the pleasant warmth emanating from her skin, a skin that he thinks must feel like the finest of silks against his own, a skin that is damaged and bruised, but still perfect in a way he can not comprehend. His lips part in silent anticipation, almost in a trance like state, just one more inch and he wi-

He snaps his hand back when the cursed creature starts to lick her chin, his movement so fast that he is sure she didn’t get the opportunity to see his foolish action.

_ “What the hell were you thinking.”  _ He reprimands himself, cursing himself even louder as he can feel heat raising to his cheeks. That was close, too close for his own sanity. He places his hands on his back, and as he observes the bittersweet smile on her face, he rubs the fingers on which he can still feel her faint warmth. 

* * *

You look at him, seeing the troubled emotions dancing in his eyes, but most of all, noticing the slight blush on his perfect cheeks. His eyes are averted from you, but when he sees your gaze fixated on him, he widens his eyes for a second before turning around, his back looking stiff as a plank. 

When he clears his voice, his usually hoarse, smooth tone sounding strained for a moment. 

“I was just preparing some food, I can bring it to your room if you want to rest some more.” He doesn’t turn to face you as he waits for your answer. 

“If you wouldn’t mind… I would prefer eating with company.” You had to refrain from letting out the chuckle that almost bursts from your lips as his already stiff posture straightens even more. 

“Of course.” 

And still, he doesn’t face you, but considering his stance, you know he is waiting for you. Walking side to side, you contain yet another chuckle as you notice how he uses his long hair to hide his face from your scrutiny. 

But you, being the kind person that you are, decide to change the subject and give him once again a way out of whatever is making him so flustered. You can’t deny your curiosity, but you are not a person that likes to pry on others, so instead you let it go. 

“I was thinking, the little guy here should have a name.” You stop to think for a moment. “Actually, now that I consider it, there’s a small ritual I could try to find out his actual name.” 

“Seriously?” He rhetorically asks in a flat, but amused tone. “You would do that just to find the name of a scrappy, undead dog?” 

You gasp in exaggerated offence. “Excuse me! He is  _ not  _ a scrappy dog! He is a beautiful little thing, are you not, doggy boy?” The dog barks in what you are sure is an affirmative response, his tail wagging enthusiastically as he tries to lick your face one more time. “See? He agrees.” 

“Of course he does. The hideous thing is probably unaware of it.” You gasp again, and without thinking you shove his arm in false outrage. 

“How dare you! He is not hideous! He is absolutely adorable! And mind you, I find his missing eye to be particularly charming!” 

You smile teasingly, almost daring him to say something, but instead, you are surprised with the sound of his laughter. It’s a low sound, brief even, but still, it resonates in your ears like the most beautiful melody you ever heard. It almost feels revitalising, like it washes over you like a healing balm. Your smile turns gentle at the sound of it, a soft laugh escaping your lips as you join him. 

Perhaps there is some hope after all, you think as you watch his shoulders shaking with laughter. 

You enter what appears to be the kitchen while still chuckling, and as you take a look around, you admit that it’s more cozy than you would have imagined. You put the dog down, which happily trots towards a nice spot under the table. You see a basket of half sliced mushrooms resting on the counter, along with some vegetables and the smell of what you think is fish cooking somewhere. 

He heads towards the vegetables and continues what you assumed he was doing before rushing to find you, and before sitting down, your eyes fall in two… poorly made dolls laying on a shelf. Instinctually, you gather them in your arms, holding them with certain reverence for a reason you can not understand. Something about them calls out to you, but before you can ponder on it, Alucard’s strained, but soft voice resonates in the kitchen. 

“Please, don’t touch them.” You jump at the sound of his voice, at the carefully controlled tone that he is using, but with utmost care, you place them back on their original place. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” 

His eyes pierce you with his intense glare, and when you return the gaze, you see how exhausted he looks, his expression finished with a sad smile. Looking at these dolls brings memories, good ones, if you had to guess, but good memories can turn bitter when you can’t go back to them ever again. You know this well.

“It’s… fine.” His voice sounds almost vulnerable, longing. So as you finally go and sit on the table, you make sure your own voice is as gentle as it can be. 

“I understand.” You fall quiet for a moment when he nods at you and returns to his task at hand, and as you fall in your memories, you are reminded of one moment in particular. “You know, since I could remember, my family had a cat always living with us, pets were natural amongst my people. The cat lived a long, peaceful life, but eventually died of old age, after her passing, I was devastated, no one could dream of comforting me.” You smile at the memory of your family, your brothers and sisters trying to cheer you up, bringing you food and company at all times. “My mom was a wood crafter, and after a few days, she gave me a small sculpture of my old lady Lúa. It helped, as ridiculous as it may sound, but having that figure there made me feel as if she was still amongst us.” 

He puts the mushrooms on a pan, adding some herbs as he listens to you. 

“They are not dead.” You don’t need clarification to know he is talking about the people the dolls are crafted after. “Just gone.” 

“I see.” You want to ask more questions, but you do not wish to intrude, and at your silence, you think you can sense gratitude coming from him. 

Not wanting to remain idle, you ask. “Do you mind if I make us a drink?” You don’t like feeling useless, even when staying on your feet right now feels like an herculean task after walking so much today. 

“There’s no need, besides, you are clearly exhausted.” He puts the seasoned mushrooms in two plates, along with some fresh vegetables. 

“Is it that obvious?” You say with a tired chuckle, and as you do so, he opens the oven and takes out a full roasted trout, and skillfully cutting it and serving it, he takes both plates and places one in front of you along with a set of cutlery. 

You smile when you see the small portion of your plate compared to his own.

“It is for me.” He gives you a barely concealed arrogant smile before turning back to the counter to grab two cups. “Being a dhampir comes with numerous advantages, a sharp sense of hearing to listen to your difficult breathing or to the heavy beating of your heart, being amongst them.” 

You laugh at his words, is he showing off? Yes, he is absolutely doing so. You didn’t think he would have it in him, but is a welcome surprise nonetheless. 

“Is the arrogance part of being a dhampir too, or is that all on you?” 

“Arrogance? I am merely stating the facts, but of course, I fully expect a witch to mistake it with arrogance.” He says while giving you a  _ most  _ definitely cocky smile before starting to focus on his food.

“Met lots of witches, have you?” You say with a playful smile. 

“Only one before you, but it was plenty to gather that witches and magicians are the embodiment of arrogance, and us different creatures can’t but dream to be even close to their evident superior intellect.” 

You laugh, a full, honest laugh that warms you up from the inside out, and after eating your first bite, you say. “I can’t say you are entirely wrong on that, but I will have you know, not all magic users are  _ that  _ arrogant.” 

“Oh, some of you only see yourselves  _ slightly  _ above the masses of plebs?” He brings a piece of vegetables to his mouth, and you, with a devious smile on your lips, use a flick of your magic to make it flourish in his mouth. Not falling prey to crippling laughter proves to be incredibly hard when you see a flower sprouting from his lips. He looks at you with incredulity, and with cockiness now shining through your eyes as you take another bite, you say. 

“I suppose I can’t deny what are but simple facts.” 

He plucks the flower from the piece of food, and setting it on the table, he smiles before taking a sip of his drink. 

But the joy of the moment is interrupted when you notice something you hadn’t realised before. When he raises his arm to take a drink, the sleeve of his shirt falls back, revealing what appears to be not too old burn scars on his wrist. You try to remember all your encounters, which thankfully are not many, and as you dig in your memories, you are sure that he has always made sure to keep his arms completely covered. 

And it’s because of this that you look away and focus on your food. He clearly doesn’t want you to see them, and if he slipped in this one moment of relaxation, you don’t want him to step back due to your accidental intrusion. 

You are enjoying this moment, and you are surprised at how relaxed he seems to be. You can not imagine what happened to him, a being that clearly wants nothing but comfort, but viciously protects himself against it. But whatever it is, you won’t take this from him, or you, for that matter. 

You can’t pretend your reasons are selfless, you can’t pretend you don’t notice the emptiness of your heart feeling lesser, like every time you share a peaceful moment with him. And perhaps it still hurts, perhaps it still feels there, like an open wound, but even if the cut is still fresh, it stops being a gaping hole of nothingness when he is by your side. 

So you avert your eyes, you pretend you saw nothing and continue eating, hoping that he won’t notice the ache you feel as you stop your body from reaching out to him. 

You finish your meal in silence, and by the end of it, while he swirls the liquid in his cup, he speaks, his raspy voice sounding soft and gentle. 

“What happened to you?” 

“...The Inquisition happened.” He looks at you, his gaze… understanding, he won’t press the issue if you don’t want to talk, you can see this clearly as day, but if you are being honest… you want to speak to someone. “Me and my Coven had been living secluded from society for a long time, but the Inquisition is strong in Castille, it was just a matter of time before we did something that gave us away. And that time arrived three months ago.” 

“You have been on the run for three months?” He sets the cup down, his body moving forward and a frown setting on his face. You nod in response, as you feel tears start to gather in your eyes. 

“Things happened, and sooner than we were aware of, they were upon us, we tried to fend them off, but it was pointless. In the end I was the only one to-” 

You can’t say it, you can't bring yourself to utter the words, to state outloud the reality of your situation, that you were the only one to escape, the only one left, the last survivor of your Coven. But you need to face it, you need to come to terms with your life if you want to move forward, even if it tears at you, even if it claws from the inside out like a rabid beast, too wild to control. 

“I was the only one that survived. Everyone else died, either tortured, hanged or at the stake.” 

Your voice breaks as you choke on the silent tears that you don’t allow to fall down your face, your head hanging low as you try to desperately reel the pain in, to stop the sobs that want to tear through your body from doing so. Your hands fall limp in your lap, too exhausted to carry on, too exhausted to keep yourself together, but as your tears keep trying to force their way out, you endure, you prevail. 

“I’m sorry for your loss.” His voice is truly sincere, the pain and sympathy that laces it, honest. You might not know him well, but in this short time, you have learnt that he, too, knows of pain and loss, and with your head down, you don’t see his hands clenching and unclenching in motions, as if trying to stop himself from reaching out to you . “And I apologise for bringing such memories back.”

“It’s alright.” You say weakly, exhausted, your body begging you to  _ please,  _ lay down and rest, to close your eyes even if just for a moment. “You didn’t bring them back, they always plague me, and if I am honest-” You take a deep, ragged breath, your voice trembling still, you finally raise your eyes, staring at his sorrowful amber gaze with your own. “This is the first time I have been able to properly think about it. While I was running… I couldn’t afford to be crippled by this, not if I wanted to keep on living.” 

You can feel remorse in the way he holds himself, along with insecurity and the wish to offer you comfort, but before he can do anything, you hear a quiet whine from besides you. The little dog looks at you, the remaining ear flat against his head as he tries to get your attention. It’s strange how despite being undead, his behaviour is still that of a living dog, and as such, he tries to offer you comfort like dogs usually do. 

You move your shaking hands and gather the dog, bringing it to your trembling lips and planting a kiss to his furry head. You place him down on your lap, absentenly stroking his fur with your hands covered in cold, sticky sweat. 

His presence grounds you, physical touch being something you always find comforting, and as you keep petting your new companions, your eyes stare at your empty plate, and with a strained yet honest smile, you say without moving your eyes from it. 

“You did prepare me a smaller portion.” 

“I said I would remember it.” 

“Yes, that you did.” 

He nods and without saying a word, stands from his seat and takes your plate and his. After setting it on the counter, he addresses you with still lingering guilt hanging on his shoulders. 

“If you wish, you will find a room where you can bath near your room. It’s at the end of the hall.” Your tired body relishes on the idea of sinking your sore, cold body on a hot bath, so of course, you accept the offer. “Do you remember how to go to your room? This castle can prove itself confusing and difficult to remember.” 

You stop for a moment and think that, in fact, you do not remember the way back. You don’t think you took that many turns when heading down this morning, but as you remember, you were more focused on him than on where he was taking you to. A bit reckless and unlike you, you think. 

“I don’t, actually.” 

“In that case I shall escort you.” 

Noticing the state of your body, he stands next to you and silently offers you his arm, which you gratefully take after putting the dog down on the floor. 

Without any conversation between the two of you, yet not feeling uncomfortable, he leads you to your room, and this time, you make sure to pay more attention to the route he follows. He walks past your door until he reaches the end of the hall, and standing in front of you, an immense, double door blocking your way. 

He gently removes his arm from your hold, and for a moment, you feel a sting of yearning, if it comes from you or him, you can’t tell. However, your thoughts are soon dissipated when in front of you, you see the biggest thermal bath you have ever seen before. 

Alucard offers you his arm back, and taking it as your mouth gapes at the room in front of you, he walks you a few steps inside before letting go one more time. 

The room is large, very much so, pleasantly warm and with high ceiling and columns symmetrically placed across the room. There are no windows here, but the light of the fires placed around the central pool cast enough light to appreciate the magnificence of it. The water steams almost seductively, tempting you, almost begging you to undress and allow the gentle water to caress your skin. 

“You will find towels over that section, you will also see a cabinet containing oils, soaps and other fragrances, you are free to use any of them.” He starts to walk back towards the door, leaving you alone with your privacy. “If you wish to rest, I will come to find you with your next meal.” 

You are still mesmerised, but at his words, you turn around to face him before he can leave. 

“I believe I have exerted myself enough for today but… I apologise if this sounds… needy, but, perhaps you could also bring your food to my room?” 

For a moment, he seems surprised, which makes you wonder why, since you haven’t made a secret of how much you hate solitude, but after staring at you for what feels like an eternity, but it’s most likely just a second, he says.

“I do not need to partake on food as often as humans do but… I will keep you company if that would make it more pleasant.” 

You smile at him, and even if it’s tired, you pour as much appreciation in it as you can manage. “It most certainly would.” 

He nods, and as his raspy voice leaves his lips, you can’t help but think that you hear a fleck of anticipation on it. “I will come to your room in a few hours, then.” 

And with that, he is gone, leaving you and the dog alone. 

You turn to the bath, and focusing your full attention on it, you hurry -or at least as much as your body will allow you to- to get some towels, some oils, soaps, and a comb that you also found in the cabinet, and place them next to the pool. You undress quickly, making sure that the dress doesn’t get wet and placing it on a safe spot. 

Before stepping into the water, you chuckle when you see your furry companion happily laying on the fresh towels you left on the ground. You snort at the unapologetic look he gives you as he tries to dig a hole through the fabric until it reaches some unknown standard that only dogs seem to know. 

Watching with a smile as he finally settles down, you finally step into the water, and while the hot water stings when it touches your many cuts and scrapes, you sigh in blissful pleasure as the hot water seeps into your aching body and turns you into what feels like a boneless creature. You close your eyes, and sitting in the build seating that is underwater, you let your body relax before you start to wash yourself. 

* * *

_ “You absolute, fucking idiot.”  _ Alucard was coming to realise that reprimanding himself was turning into a habit whenever he was near her. 

He walks away from the bath with long strides, trying to put as much distance between him and her as possible. As if that would make a difference, truly. 

_ “I will keep you company? If this is how you plan to remain away from here, you are failing in the most spectacular fashion I ever had the disgrace of witnessing.”  _ He rubs his face in frustration as he exhales a deep groan.

He was determined to keep his distance, but when he saw her in such pain, when he saw her fight back tears… he could not deny the effect that had on him. In the end, he had to be thankful to that scrappy dog for being there, otherwise he would have already made a fool of himself and be the one to go to her side like if  _ he  _ was the dog. 

“Pathetic.” He mutters to himself. 

This situation was a catastrophe,  _ he  _ was a mess, dealing with her was driving him insane and this was just the second day after she woke up. How was he going to survive the rest of her stay, he didn’t know. 

And worst of all? He couldn’t deny that deep down, beyond his bitterness, beyond his doubts, beyond his anger, pain and fears, there lied a small desire to see her again, to see her smile, to listen to her laugh, but most of all, too wallow in the way she made him feel. 

It was shameful, how little control he had over his emotions when she was around was pitiful. Just a few moments in her presence and it was enough to crumble down his resolve, to make him yearn, weak and needful. It was enough to bring him to his knees and make him crave the delicate touch of her fingers against his skin, no matter how hard he tried, he could not crush such weakness down. 

But in the end, the most terrifying thought of them all, the one that he could not bring himself to acknowledge, much less accept, was that he was starting to doubt if staying away from her was what he truly desired. 

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

It’s been a few days since you found Cezar. You discovered his name just yesterday, along with some of his memories. The ritual proved to be more challenging and demanding than it had been in the past, which you blame on the extreme ways you had been pushing your body for the last few months. 

You saw a white haired man, his previous owner, you think, you saw vampires and night creatures, and in the end, you heard the tremor of a tremendous fight followed by the rocks that collapsed on him, miraculously locking him in without crushing him.

Had he been a normal dog, he would have died without a doubt, but as an undead, he does not have the needs of mortals, therefore, giving him another chance to continue existing in this world. Cezar had been staying at your side since you rescued him, and you couldn’t say that you have any objections to this. He was an adorable creature, and in the nights that your sorrow made you weep, he was there to offer some comfort in the wonderful shape of licks and a very stubborn muzzle pressing against your palm while demanding attention. 

As per Alucard, you had fallen into a routine that consisted of going foraging in the morning, eating breakfast in the kitchen while having some light conversation, and after that, you would explore the castle for a while before retiring to your room. Lately you have been feeling stronger and were able to stay around for longer periods of time before needing to rest, strength that you were using to swim in the pool that Alucard called “bath”, just like you are doing right now. The thought of something so big being referred to as a simple bath making you smirk as you lazily swim through it.

Later on the day, he would arrive with a tray and some food, food that was slowly increasing in size. He would sit with you and keep you company as you ate your meal, which was in fact, mostly delicious. You had to admit that he was a good cook, and when you kindly informed him of it, it had made him visibly pleased. 

You smile at the small memories you have been sharing with one another, like the time you pranked the cranky blacksmith of the village, or the time in which you fell into the pond in a  _ completely _ dignified way while you were trying to not lose a bet with the rest of the kids, or how he would run wild through the castle while his mother chased him, good memories from your past and your experiences. Your smile wavers when you remember the happy memories he could share were rather… limited. 

You noticed how he seemed to avoid talking about anyone but his mother and his friends, Trevor and Sypha. He hadn’t told you much about them, but by what little he had said, you knew they were deeply important to him. In one occasion, while he told you an anecdote about his childhood, he mentioned his father. That was the one time he did, and as you saw the shadow of grief and regrets cover his face, you didn’t press the issue. 

As you float aimlessly in the pool, you realise how in this little time, you had come to understand more of his character. He was a damaged individual, that much was evident, but the profundity with which his many wounds ran was somewhat surprising. On rare occasions had you met someone with so much hurt within them, but then, where you came from, everyone was surrounded by people they could turn to, a shoulder to cry on, loved ones to rely on, which in his case, you now know is a privilege he rarely had. 

But as much as he was damaged, you could tell he was also good. He had a caring, gentle soul, a soul that, without knowing the details, you knew had been put through many challenges. Yet, despite the brutality you were sure he had lived through, he still had a tenuous light shining within. And he showed it in small ways, like the pure, innocent delight he would show when he would play with Cezar everytime he thought you were not looking. 

Despite your bumpy start, he had been kind to you, offered you a roof and a hot meal every single day. More than that, he offered you company, and in some occasions, understanding. While you think of this, your thoughts drift towards a reality you need to face. Soon you will have recovered. Soon you will have your strength back, and when you do, you will have to depart. 

The idea of being surrounded by a community once again was something you had been thinking of, something that during your escapade -even if a painful concept, that to start anew without your people- had been something you wished to do. But now, as you face these simple facts, you rub your chest as the mere idea makes you feel hollow. The prospect of leaving his side being one you detest. Is it because of your own loneliness? Or is it because you have come to enjoy his company? Or perhaps, knowing that once you leave, he will be alone once again? 

You frown when you remember the sadness in his eyes on the day you met, the sorrow that you have seen many times after, and you think of how lately, while still prevalent in his soul, the weight of his darkness has appeared to be lighter. You think of the sound of his laugh, of the small smiles, or the way that he looks at you when he thinks you are not aware. But you could feel the conflict, you could sense in his eyes the opposite pull of his emotions.

And you understood, for you were also damaged, broken, perhaps beyond repair, you thought when the darkest parts of your mind took hold of you. The events of your life had changed you in a fundamental way, a way that you didn’t want to accept but had no choice but to do so. The day everyone you loved died, a part of you was taken away from you, ripped and disposed of as if never existed. 

Or so you wish. 

Perhaps, if it had truly been taken away, you would not feel the never ending void inside your chest. The terrifying nothingness that stares at you, that mocks you every night as you try to sle-

“Cezar!” You yelp, surprise quickly turning into a heartfelt laughter as you see the splash of water formed after the dog jumped in the pool, determined to reach you as he swims with all his might. 

Standing on your feet, you play with him for a few minutes before you take him in your arms as you rub his head. 

“Do you really think it’s wise to jump in the water like that? Um?” You start to walk towards the steps as you keep speaking to him. “What if you start to rot?” He barks, and you laugh once again when you can swear you hear offence in it. You are sure this dog understands every word you say, somehow. “Fine, forgive me, Sir Cezar, that was an extremely inappropriate thing to say.” 

As you finally get out, you grab the towel you had prepared for you and sit on a bench next to a fire. “But what do you say we dry you off anyway?” His tail wags in response, and with a wide smile, you start to work on him before drying yourself off. 

Your hair is still wet, your long mane always taking it’s time to dry off, and as you quickly wrap a soft towel around it, you get dressed and call Cezar as you both leave the bathing room. Once again, you are thankful for the heating system that exists in this castle, your skin shivering at the memory of the cold breeze touching your damp body while having to use rivers and lakes for personal hygiene. Ah, if only you were a witch that could control the elements, that would have proven to be very useful every time you were in need of water, or a warm place to pass the night, alas, that is not within your skills, but at least that is not a problem you have to deal with right now. 

Unwrapping the towel, you start to gently dry your hair as you walk barefoot down the hall, again, thankful for the warm stones touching your feet. Your mind drifts away, your body feeling soft and relaxed thanks to the hot water. You bring your hair to your nose, breathing in the pleasant smell of the oils you used to wash it with, you had never been someone surrounded by luxuries, your life had been much better than that of most people, your magic and that of your sisters had allow you to live a comfortable life, more than that, if you are honest, yet, it was not close to the level you were experiencing here. 

It was interesting, though, most of the castle was in a poor state, debris populating a great part of it, yet, the bathing room was spotless. You wondered if perhaps Alucard partakes in the pleasures of it, and as you think this, images of what you imagine his naked figure to look like sinking in the water invade your mind. You think his elegant fingers running over his wet skin, of  _ your  _ fingers running over his firm body, of his full lips asking you to kiss them, of your lips caressing his skin, his long hair sticking to his body, strands of it falling in front of his face, his amber eyes gazing at you through them as he looks at- 

As he looks at you, like he is doing right now. Alucard, a  _ fully  _ dressed Alucard, at that, standing  _ right  _ in front of you, giving you a quizzical look along with a confused smile as your mind is forcefully brought back to reality. 

You avoid his piercing gaze as you try not to smile in a way that becomes too incriminatory, but this is hard when your mind betrays you once again and makes you wonder, what would be his reaction if he knew the kind of images your mind created? Would he blush? Would he run away? Would his heartbeat quicken, like yours did? Would it… entice him? Would he stare at your lips the same way you stare at his? 

“You seem perturbed.” He states, and by the tone of his voice, you are certain he has no clue as to why.

“Do I? I think I’m just feeling slightly dizzy, I probably stayed in the bath for longer than I should.” You lie, completely, and irrevocably, and as you do that, you don’t want to give him time to think about it, so looking at the tray he's holding, you add. “Already time for dinner? We should go in before it gets cold.” 

His eyes narrow on you, but without another word he nods. 

* * *

She is lying. It’s plainly obvious, even if he doesn’t like admitting  _ why  _ he knows of her lies. He much prefers to think that he knows thanks to life experience, but truth is… he is simply acutely aware of where she is at all times. And again, he tells himself this is to protect himself, to ensure that she doesn’t go anywhere she shouldn’t, that she doesn’t try to betray him in some way, but deep down, somewhere in a hidden corner of his mind, a place that he chooses to be blind to, he knows he has no real control on this. 

He scruitines her back before she sits by the fire as she usually does, her long, dark hair forming gentle waves even while it’s damp, mesmerises him. How would it feel if he ran his fingers through it? If he helped her to apply the oils that he smelled on her mane? 

_ “She just lied to you.”  _ He reminds himself. He knew she hadn’t been bathing for that long, her fingertips not even pruned as she spoke. What was she hiding, he wondered as distrust raised within him. She had never deceived him before, or that’s what he believed, now, not so sure anymore, but when she had changed the subject before, he had seen the pain in her eyes, and he had known it was not an attempt to fool him, but to protect herself from her past, something he had understood. 

But this? This was different. She was trying to force her body to relax, but her heartbeat betrayed her, she wasn’t a good liar, not like  _ them. _

Or perhaps, he was a blind, wishful fool then.

He had thought about them, about their time together more times than he wanted to remember, he still did, the ability to control the memories beyond his control. But now that his eyes were open, he could see the deception in their actions, the lies that they whispered in his ear, the falseness of their touch, the pretense of their companionship. But oh, he had been too ignorant to realise, too lonely, too needy, too willingly blind. 

Anger and hurt raised in his veins, the familiar pain of betrayal fueling his rage, rage not only directed at her, but mostly, at himself. Why did he care? He knew this was but a matter of time, yet, as he is faced with this situation, he finds himself unable to control his pitiful hopes, a curse from his human side, he was sure. Despite the evident lie, a part of him kept claiming this was not like  _ them _ , it simply did not feel the same. 

But that part of him had proved to be the most stupid part of his being, so with all his might, he buried it under the many layers of distrust that would keep him alive, away from more pain. 

So he places the tray on the small table and sits down on the other armchair, and without even being aware of it, he allows his fears to take control of him. 

* * *

His eyes are piercing you, you can feel them on your back as you sit down, he knows you are lying, you are sure of it. You wrack your brain trying to find a way out, something you can say to shift his growing doubts without confessing that you were simply lusting after him. But is it a good idea? It is painfully obvious as you sit down and look at his posture, that he is onto you, and glancing at his eyes, you see the strong emotions brewing in him. 

That’s it, you fucked up. These days of growing comfortable with each other, potentially thrown away because he is the most beautiful being you ever saw, because of your growing attraction and your inability to control your thoughts to the point of not noticing his presence right in front of you. All because he was  _ there _ to see it. You are certain that if you had said the truth, the results would have been no different, if anything, they would have been worse. You don’t know  _ why  _ you know this, but you do. 

And so you are left between two bad outcomes. 

He is extremely still, worryingly so. His legs crossed on his usual position, his muscles seemingly lax. But you  _ know  _ how far away from the truth that is. You know, you simply do, just like every instinct in your body screams to you that right now, he is a predator readying himself to get rid of a threat. You try to steady yourself, but the hammering beat of your heart makes it impossible, feeding more into the primal urge to defend yourself on this moment. The room is silent, almost unnaturally so, for a moment, you can swear even the sound of the crackling fire is drowned in the sheer power of him. 

Carefully, you start to harness power in your veins, hoping that you won’t need to use it, but not ready to take the risk. You are aware of how your magic is still… defective, still not coming to you as naturally as it did long ago, yet, you can not afford this to deter you. You can’t, not when you are very aware that your life is on the line. 

Trying to act as calm as possible, which is hard as you feel his eyes on you, his power growing in the room with such intensity that it suffocates you with its mere presence, you take the tea he always gives you and take a sip of it, hoping that it will help to calm you down. But of course, it does little to help. You are still thinking, trying to find a solution that doesn’t end with the unpleasant outcome of you joining the impaled bodies at the door, when his voice, unnaturally calm, breaks the silence. 

“Lost your appetite?” Your body tenses up even more at his words, at the hidden danger that slips through the false stillness. 

This is the calm before the storm, and you are unsure if you will make it out of this alive. His power is choking you, the instinctual fear growing inside of you makes it difficult to think. Had you your full strength, you think you could take him on and escape with your life, but as you are now, you know that’s not possible. You will go down with a fight if you must, but god, let it not be the case. 

You put the cup back on the tray, and rubbing your face, you take a deep breath, trying, desperately so, to find something,  _ anything.  _

“I think so.” You say, trying to earn yourself some time, even just a few seconds would be valuable right now. “I think I might have pushed myself harder than I should.” 

“Have you?” He is still not moving as his gaze remains locked in your body. You don’t meet his eyes, a part of you knowing that if you do, something in him will snap. “Perhaps cooling down the room will prove beneficial after your bath.” 

“Yes, that’s a good idea.” By some miracle, you still manage to keep your voice steady, to not move when he gets up and moves to the window, opening it wide and letting the cold air of early winter swipe in. 

You look at your hands, hands that you hadn’t noticed were trembling, you close them into fists, and after a few seconds, when you open them again, they are steady once again. You try to focus on your magic, in the power that has slowly built up in your body, to try to find reassurance on it. You look at Cezar, who is staying by your feet and growling at Alucard, and before doing anything else, you reach to him and let your magic drift into him, putting him into a deep sleep that he won’t wake from in hours. 

You don’t know what the limits of Cezar are, but you know if Alucard attacks you, he will try to protect you, and in the state he is at, you don’t know if your loyal companion will live. So you put him to sleep, hoping that this way, at least he will be spared. 

Alucard’s presence remains by the window, but you can still feel his eyes on you, the deadly intent still running strong, yet, he doesn’t say anything as he watches you putting Cezar out of the way, safe. 

It’s a strange situation, this one, both of you being perfectly aware of what it’s happening, yet not being able to do anything about it. You wonder if this is what your brothers and sisters felt as they walked to their death. 

“I think I should probably rest for today.”

You muster your courage and get up, you walk to the bed, making sure the object stays between you both, not that it will really do anything but give you perhaps a split second advantage if he decides to charge at you, but yet, you will use any little advantage you have. Your fingertips tingle with magic, almost ready to protect yourself if the moment comes, and as you look at his body, you hope for just one moment that he will leave the room, that he will not let his pain take hold of him, but when you hear the snarl coming from him, you know you are wrong.

Before you have time to react, you are thrown against the wardrobe, the door cracking with the force of the impact. Slender fingers grip your throat, and as you gasp for air and your hands shoot to his arm, you are surrounded by his body locking around you. All you can see, all you can feel, it’s him. His face is mere inches away from you, his fangs bared at you, looking ready to tear your delicate neck apart, his expression distorted in a grimace of fury and hatred. If towards you or himself, you can’t tell. 

“You lie.” His words are simple, direct, and laced with venom. 

“Alucard, plea-” You try to speak through the iron grip in your neck, your hands pointlessly gripping his unwavering arm in return, but all you can feel is the hold on you becoming tighter, your vision becoming blurry, you are losing consciousness, you are going to die! Do something! 

You try to concentrate your magic to throw a single hit that will leave him in the brisk of death. Your whole body becomes taut as bitter tears run down your cheeks, every part of you lamenting, grieving for what you are about to do. You close your eyes, you can’t face him, not when you have to do this, so you ignore your heart, your very soul, the fading, flickering light that begs you to stop, to not hurt him, to not do this as you ready yourself to end his life.

Tears keep burning your eyes, the guilt, the agony you feel letting you know that after you do this, you will never be the same, you know the light within you, your last connection to who you used to be, will die with him. Your lungs burn, you can’t keep wasting time! You must act now or-!

“Give me a reason to not kill you right now.” He snarls, but underneath it all, you can hear the desperation in his voice, the silent plea for you to stop this. 

He doesn’t want to do this, and just like that, you let your magic dissipate into the air as his grip on you relaxes enough to let you breath. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, I prom-” 

“Give me. A reason.” His hold tightens again, not enough to cut your respiration again, just a gesture to remind you of its presence and the situation you are in. 

“Plea-!” A deep growl emerges from his throat as he pushes you harder against the wardrobe, once again cutting your airflow as he speaks.

“Stop. Lying.” He relaxes his grip, and as you stare into his eyes, you know you need to say the truth. 

“I lied because I was daydreaming about being with you in the bathing room!” His eyes widen for a second, his hand shooting back as he puts distance between the two of you, but just as quickly his eyes narrow as he snarls one more time. Yet, he keeps his distance between the two of you. 

“You lie.” 

“Oh for God’s sake.” You rub your throat as you look at him, your voice hoarse as he has no doubt damaged your vocal cords, and to your surprise, you feel something hot and sticky in your palm, you look at it, and when you see the blood in it, you realise you don’t remember feeling the pain of anything piercing your skin. Your hand falls down to your side, too tired to care about it right now.

“Is it truly that strange that I desire the comfort of another soul amidst the wreckage of my life? That I am attracted to you? That I have growing feelings for you?” You laugh bitterly as you think of your existence, of what you have become. “I don’t know what happened to you, but I know you were hurt, I know that you don’t trust me, but God, we almost killed each other.” 

You look at him, and as you watch his eyes becoming wide open, looking at you as realisation washes over him, you give him a tired, yet understanding smile.

“I have clearly overstayed my welcome, if you allow me to spend the night here, I will be gone in the morning. I thank you for everything you have done for me, but it’s time for me to go on my way.”

As if breaking from the stunted state he appears to be in, he says.

“I’m sorry.” And with that, he is gone. 

As soon as he is away, you crumble to the floor, painful tears run down your cheeks as violent sobs overtake you. The thought of leaving tears you apart, the idea of not seeing him again hurts more than you thought it would, but what else can you do? You must leave, no matter the pain, no matter how wrong it feels, you had only been postponing the inevitable, it was just a matter of time, and you had been a fool denying the truth, hoping that somehow, you could stay here and make this your new home. 

It never made sense to start with, you don’t even know him, not really, so why must you feel this way? Why can’t you stop the tears? The hollowness that is making you numb with each sob? You are scared, you are beyond that, you are absolutely terrified of what you will become, of what will be left of you once you leave. 

But fear won’t stop it from happening, and as the numbness becomes greater and your eyes run dry again, you gather Cezar in your arms and crawl into bed, knowing that if you sleep at all tonight, it will be due to exhaustion. 

* * *

Alucard transforms into his wolf form as he runs through the forest. He needs to run, to flee from her side. He almost  _ killed her _ , he almost killed a woman that had done nothing to him. But was it true? Could she really have feelings for him? The idea spreads an unknown warmth across his body, but he quickly destroys this growing feeling as he reminds himself that this did not matter anymore. 

_ “Because you almost murdered her.”  _

He pushes away any thoughts as he pushes himself to run faster, as he forces his muscles to work harder. He runs and runs until he can not keep going any longer, until his trembling form transforms back into his natural body as he rests against a tree. Guilt and regret grows in his soul as he remembers the pain in her gaze, the understanding in her smile. 

“What have I done.” He asks himself as tears start to run down his face. 

He was truly broken, and any growing affection she was feeling for him, he did not deserve. Not after he saw life escape through her eyes as he suffocated her. Not after he saw the trail of blood his claws created, marks that would leave a scar. 

His shoulders shake as he burrows his face in his hands, he almost killed her. She had done nothing but be kind, and he decided to distrust her every action. He had willingly chosen to be blind to it all, to deny it, and now, the slim opportunity he had at finding some reprieve for his existence, was forever gone. 

He was a monster. And after all, perhaps he should have let them kill him. 

* * *

You did not manage to sleep at all, and as soon as you see the sun peek over the horizon, you start to move and get ready to leave. First of all, you wash the dry blood from your neck, now painfully aware of the incisions he must have created, but even so, you feel numb still, the feeling from last night expanding at a slow but unstoppable pace, you open the broken wardrobe and ruminate through the clothes that Alucard gave you. 

You remember as he insisted you kept them, insisted on saying they were now yours, so you take your dress from last night off, a dress you didn’t even bother to take off before getting in bed, and choose a comfortable dress along with a tunic that had a generous amount of pocket. You keep silently picking the things you will take with you, not many, since you want to travel light. Truth is, you are still weak, but you have made it through worse circumstances, and you will keep enduring once again. 

Once you are ready, you extinguish the fire, and as sadness and regret for how this had to end grips at you, you open the door to find Alucard standing there. 

“Don’t leave.” 

Saying you are confused would be an understatement, one that reflects clearly in your eyes as you stare at him without saying a word. 

“The castle is ample enough for us to not face each other again. I shall stay away from you for the time being, and I will ensure the pantry has enough provisions for you. But you are still too frail to leave like this. In your state, you will perish to night creatures on the first night.” His raspy voice sounds strained, hoarse, and his eyes, oh, those are the sad eyes you saw on that first day, the ones that make you ache, the ones that make you hurt once again, the ones that beg you to reconsider. 

You remain still, unsure of what to say, on how to react, still too numb to the world around you. And as you observe his fingers moving towards your neck, you keep immobile. His voice drops, his words becoming a whisper that you can barely hear. 

“I don’t expect you to ever give me forgiveness, God knows I do not deserve it. But… I wish for you to know that I am ashamed of my actions.” His fingertips hover over your skin, just under the wounds his claws gave you, almost touching but never making contact, and as you see his eyes fill with regret, you want to lean into his hand, you want to feel his touch despite everything else. 

Still unable to speak, you nod at him, knowing, regardless of your cloudy mind, this is the best solution right now. Both of you stand there, silently looking at each other, and as his hand finally cups your cheek, you close your eyes and let yourself lean into it. His thumb runs across your cool skin, slowly, deliberately, you open your eyes when his hand doesn’t part, and as you stare at the amber of his iris, you think that, for a second, you think you can hear something inside of you. 

“Goodbye, Xiana.” His hand leaves your cheek, and with it, the faint voice within you becomes louder, desperate, but before long, it is drowned by the numbness one more time. 

You see him walk away, and as you see his back moving further, you realise this is the first time he ever said your name. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked the chapter, I totally don't mind if you leave a comment in here *whistles casually*. 
> 
> It will totally not make me squal, not at all, uh oh. 
> 
> But seriously, tho, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and that you suffered reading it just as much as I did writing it. 
> 
> There are a 2-3 more chapters of angst incomming, but the good feels will be there, I promise.


	5. Chapter 5

Day after day, you are mildly aware of the passing of time. Your nightmares haven’t been bothering you much, you think. Or perhaps you simply don’t remember. You are becoming rather forgetful, something you seem to realise, yet keeps slipping from your thoughts every time you try to focus on it. 

You wake up, you get food and you return to the bedroom. You force yourself to go out, trying somehow to feel normal once again, but whatever is this feeling that nags you, it does not let go. This has been your routine for the last few days, Cezar the only element that keeps you from getting lost in your mind. You try to fight it, as hard as you can, you don’t know what is happening, you don’t understand why you are growing weaker instead of stronger, and at the same time, you can not fully bring yourself to care. Nevertheless, you manage to win the battle, if only for a few hours. 

It’s in these hours that you attempt to occupy your mind in your recovery, in your plans for the future, but every time you try to concentrate, there is a tugging feeling pulling at you. Something that, even if unsure of what it is, or where it’s coming from, makes you want to seek for it. 

And so days keep passing by. As Alucard said, you haven’t seen him at all. You haven’t even felt his presence in the castle. Where this a different situation, where this a different time, you would try to put a remedy to it, but while you sit on the windowsill admiring the bright stars that illuminate the black sky, you can just bear so much. You wish everything had been different, that you had managed to reach out to him, to offer a helping hand, to _take_ what you so desperately need. Alas, that moment is now gone, and dwelling on it will bring you nothing but misery. 

So you breathe in the cool night air, letting the cold sink in your bones as the scent of impending rain lingers in your nostrils. You can not see a cloud in the sky, but the smell does not fool you, this is a scent you are familiar with, rain something common in your old home. In fact, you wonder if the clouds are just behind you, for not only can you smell it, you can also tas-  
  
You see the sky become lit for a moment before the cracking sound of thunder resonates through your very bones. The once starlit firmament quickly turns black as thick clouds travel through it, the only light now being that of lighting. You lean out, the wind is picking up, and your hair starts to wave with it, it’s just but a few moments before freezing droplets of rain start to fall. Closing your eyes, you let the water hit you, each drop becoming a blessed distraction from your own mind. 

Your body keeps inching forward, the need to feel the piercing cold of the rain overcoming you. The hollow in your chest has become too great, too powerful, and now you can only find a moment of peace with the shock of the merciless elements against your skin. And it works, your focus is ripped away from your mind, forced to attend to the stabbing sensation of frozen needles grazing your skin. It’s an odd feeling, you realise, you are not entirely aware of the cold, yet, it somehow grounds you, so much that… if you could _just_ feel it a bit more, just a little further… it would make you feel _so_ much better, you are certain, you _know_ this with every part of you.  
  
You get on your knees over the windowsill and lean out, almost mechanically in your movements. Your hands grip the frame as your hair, now totally soaked, whips wildly around you. Locks of it fly into your face, obscuring your already poor vision, but it doesn’t matter, you don’t need to see, you don’t need to think, what you need is to _feel_ , so you lean further, the water soaking your dress, turning the fabric heavy and sticky against your chest. You shiver, but you don’t notice the clattering of your teeth, or the way your knee is slipping towards the edge, you can only feel the unstoppable need that urges you further, just a bit more... Just a few inches and you will-!

“Woof!” 

Your attention is snapped back to reality, your eyes widening as you become aware of what it is that you seem to be doing. You try to move back, but your numb limbs barely respond to your commands, panic starts to rise in you as a sudden gust of wind almost throws you out, and with the fear of death gripping at you, you tear yourself away from the window, falling in your back as your body shakes violently. 

Your heart beats hard in your chest, your mind still on a blur of images of what just happened. You are cold, so so very cold. You turn around and realise the fire has been extinguished, the room rapidly growing cold this way, you wonder for how long you had been on that window, and to your concern, you realise you have no clue. You can barely remember sitting there, and you can’t certainly remember almost falling off. The only thing becoming clearer is the whine of Cezar as he looks at you with his single ear flat on his head. That and the crippling cold that attaches to your shivering body. 

You are tired, so very tired, you only want to curl up, close your eyes and sleep. The idea is tempting, extremely so. But with your mind still frantically moving in a blur of confusion, you push your body with a titanic effort and manage to get on your feet. Your frame keeps shaking as you try to stabilise yourself, and without as much of a conscious thought, you leave the room and head for the pool with only the will to live and sheer determination forcing you to put one feet in front of the other. You lean on the wall, fighting with your limbs as they refuse to work as they should, but eventually, carrying you to the place you need. 

The door is slightly open, something that you don't even register in your mind as you stagger in. The water is more inviting than ever, the warmer temperature of the room already feeling like bliss. As you drag yourself to your salvation, the last rational part of your brain lets you know that you can not just throw yourself in the water, and with an amount of self control you were not aware you possessed, you start to slowly sink yourself in without bothering to take off your damp dress. 

By the time you are fully inside the pool, your shivering has subsided and your mind has become slightly more clear. And with clarity, comes realisation. 

You stare at the water as you relive what just happened in your mind. You can’t believe you did that, you can’t believe you did something like that without even a conscious thought, but the worst of all is, deep down, you don’t really care. The part of you that would have been horrified at this is now too far gone for you to hear. For a second, you had hoped that this shock would stir something in you, that it would bring back your inner fire, but it doesn’t. 

The world is still muted around you, the vibrant pulse of life that you once could feel, now a withering thread that can not be saved, and as you remain in the pool and close your eyes, you don’t feel the quiet sobs that your body creates. The brief clarity that you felt a moment ago, is now gone as the familiar hollow takes over once again, blanketing you, shielding you from the world, keeping you unharmed, safe. What once was terrifying, you now embrace freely. Perhaps everything would have been easier, if you had let the pain consume you long ago, if you had fully accepted your fate as the last member of your Coven, as someone that can never feel whole again, as someone that will have to leave with the asphyxiating grip of the hollow clenching your soul. 

But it’s alright, you say to yourself, in your emptiness, you feel as one single piece again, even if it is in a dark, twisted way, you can learn to live with it.

The sobs that you didn’t notice quiet down, and with this, you leave the pool. Mindlessly, you take off your dress, letting it fall to the ground like a heavy weight and forgetting about it. You move to find a towel, but when you reach the section that contains them, you stop in your step as you see some clothes already there. You catch your breath when you realise these belong to Alucard. The shirt… you gather it in your hands, holding it almost ceremoniously when you realise this is the shirt you woke up with on that day. Your eyes become blurry, but this time, no sob departs from you, just silent tears that you are not aware of falling down your cheeks as you run your fingers over it. You bring the soft fabric to your face, and as you breath in, you are enveloped once again with the scent of elderflowers. 

The minuscule light that still lives within you lets out a desperate scream, but you are a deaf to it, that conexion to yourself being something you have lost. Yet, for some reason you can not comprehend, the smell of it grounds you, it brings you a strange kind of peace that quiets the suffocating presence of the void. You put the shirt on, not thinking or caring about your hair or skin who remain completely wet. The only thing that you care about is about this scent, about the slight heaviness of the fabric on your shoulders, on how it envelops you like a caring embrace. The sleeves cover your hands when you press the shirt against your nose one more time, tears and water mixing together and making it wet. But it doesn’t matter, not when it still smells of him. 

After a moment, you decide it’s time to go back to your bed, so you leave the bathing room, forgetting about the dress you left behind as the only thing you seem to be able to focus on, is the sensation of the cloth’s touch. When you get back into the room, you observe the windows still wide open and the rain falling inside. The room is cold, and with your hair and skin still wet, you shiver at the sensation. You head to the window with mechanical, steady steps, and with the same kind of movements, you carefully close the windows as you barely register the cold drops of rain striking against your skin. Once they are closed, you pick Cezar up and settle him in the bed before joining him. 

You get yourself comfortable and mindlessly pet Cezar while your eyes look at the storm outside. Soon, you feel the touch of sleep starting to claim you, your eyelids fluttering shut as your muscles grow limp on the bed, and as you slide into a deep slumber, an almost silent whisper calls for you. 

* * *

Alucard rests his body against the pool as he allows himself this moment of peace. The last few days had been hell for him, and despite the time, he could not forget how her cheek felt against his palm, how she had leaned against him, how she hadn’t turned around as he deserved her to do. His heart hadn’t stopped lamenting since he forced himself to walk away, weak, defeated, neglected by his own hand. 

He wishes he hadn’t been a coward, he wishes that he hadn’t been blind, but wishing has never changed reality. He knows, he has wished many things before, yet, he was never granted any of them. 

He wished to not be alone, he wished to be held, to be loved. But life never gives lasting joys, the idea but a mere illusion of the naive child he once was, a naive child that grew to become a naive man. How pathetic, to think that he could have something good in a world such as this. To think that he could try and be better than his father was. 

The vision of her bleeding neck invades his mind, the guilt causing him to take a ragged breath as he feels disgust towards himself. He was no better, if anything, he was worse. His father committed many atrocities, all of them in the name of his mother, he said, and despite his capacity for cruelty, his complete lack of empathy for humanity and his burning desire for retribution, his father had never harmed his mother. And no-

His head snaps around when he hears her steps next to the door. Faster than most creatures could ever match, he disappears and blends himself into the shadows, quickly forming again behind one of the many dark corners of the room. His first thought is to leave quietly, he knows she will not notice him if he doesn’t want to, but before moving into action, he finds himself frozen in the spot as he listens to her breathing. 

A nearly unstoppable urge to spring forward grips him, and it’s only through sheer control that he holds himself back. He has no right to be near her, yet alone touch her, but as he pays close attention to her struggle to drag herself to the water, still forcing himself to not make his presence known, the images of their last encounter push to the front of his mind. Sickening shame rushes through him, guilt rendering him useless as his nude body slumps against the wall. He lets his head hang loosely between his legs, wet locks of hair falling down as water drips on the floor. 

All his senses are focused on her as, despite everything, he can’t make himself leave. _“Just until she leaves, not until I am sure she is fine.”_ While there is some truth to his thoughts, he knows, deep down, this is just an excuse to remain by her side, even if it’s in a way such as this. He listens as the clatter of her teeth comes to an end, as her frantic heart goes back to a normal beating. He feels relief mixed with deep concern, however, he quickly brushes it aside. There is no point in feeling this way, not when there is nothing he can do, not when they have to part ways. So he remains still as silence reigns in the room once again, that’s it, until the first sob breaks through. It’s quiet, was not for the echo of the room and his heightened senses, he is unsure if he would have caught it. 

Self loathing surges in his heart as he regrets every single choice that led him to this moment. To the moment in which he can not comfort her as he so desperately wants to, he closes his hands into fists as bitter tears form in his eyes. If only he hadn’t caused this disaster, if only he hadn’t been a coward, then, things might have been different. With every one of her sobs, he feels a part of himself breaking apart little by little, the pain of his own past now becoming intertwined with the one of the present. 

When her sobs quiet down, he listens to her exiting the pool, followed by the sound of soaked fabric falling on the floor. She walks towards the towels, and then he remembers. His clothes are still there.  
  
_“Fuck.”_

From this position, he sees her back entering his field of vision, her long hair falling freely down her naked back, his eyes linger on the curve of her hips, following the shape of her bottom and her long legs, the droplets of water travelling down her appetising figure. His throat goes dry at the vision, momentarily forgetting about his clothes, but most importantly at how inappropriate this is. However, he soon realises and averts his gaze from her. 

This doesn’t last long, not when he hears her breathing stop for a moment, when he can sense her body going still. He turns his eyes towards her, still protected in a shroud of darkness as he observes from a distance. She has his shirt on her hands, and is with the way she looks at it, the way she touches it almost in a reverent manner that makes something inside him stir. He finds himself holding his breath, his lips parting as he watches the scene unfold. She brings the fabric to her face, burying herself on it and breathing in, and with this, he hates himself. 

He hates himself because he can not stop his helpless heart for wishing her face was against his neck, for wishing her fingers were running over his skin the same way they run over that piece of clothing. He hates himself for not being able to stop the growing affection he harbours, not even when he knows it will bring nothing but misery. But then, she puts his shirt on, and the way his heart tugs at this, makes him forget, if just for an instant, all his previous thoughts. 

She stays there for a second longer, once again bringing the fabric to her nose and breathing in before finally walking away, and as she leaves the room, a part of him leaves with her. He listens to her walking back to her room, and when she closes the door, he steps out of the shadows and gathers the rest of his clothes. As soon as he is there, the lingering scent of her reaches his nose and almost instantly, he feels his fangs elongate against his will. He covers his mouth, horrified at his own reaction, horrified at the mere thought of sinking his fangs on her soft skin, yet at the same time… he can not pretend he doesn’t hear the part of him that urges him to do this. 

Quickly, he puts on his clothes and rushes away from the scent, away from the aroma that makes him feel a craving for blood. No, not just blood, _her_ blood. He had never felt this hunger before, never felt the urge to bite, not for her, but for anyone. The scent of the red substance never tempting, the barely existent need always kept under control, but this, this was different. He had never felt such a visceral need, never had lost control of his fangs like that, especially when all this had been caused by simply her natural scent. This was new and intense, and it is in this new found sensation that he is terrified of himself, terrified of what he could have done to her if things had been different. 

In the end, this was for the best. 

* * *

You open your eyes with the cold touch of stone on your feet. Confused, you realise that you are walking through a section of the castle that you haven’t seen before. The layer of dust is thick, or at least that’s what you think with what little light there is here. You frown and stop, disoriented as you glance around. You start to wonder why you are here, but then, you hear it. A whisper that, for some strange reason, you know you’ve heard before. Your feet are moving before you decide to follow the call, but the unknown voice, no _voices_ , they pull you towards them and you know you have no chance of fighting it. 

The sensation reminds you of the time you found Cezar, the undrescriptiable urge to find the source of this overpowering any other need in you like that one time. You walk through halls and stairs, the call becoming stronger as you approach it, and with every step you take, you feel a nearly suffocating energy gripping you. Yet, you can’t turn away, you don’t _want_ to turn away, every fiber in you urges to move forward, to find it, and you listen, you let it take control and guide you. You don’t question it, you don’t worry about the almost tangible agony of the call, the only thing that matters is to move forward. And so you do. 

Your mind focused on nothing but this, and now, you know you are close, the voices, voices that you can not understand become so loud that they almost deafen you, they resonate in you, screaming, begging, grieving, it’s almost too much,but as you finally step in a room you had never seen before, the voices cease, turning now into the gentle murmur of a distant echo. 

You glance around the room, taking notice of the many books that decorate the walls. A bed is placed against the wall, a piece of the wood piece completely destroyed, as if something had ripped it off by pure strength. There are drawings and stuffed animals around, wooden toys too, you realise this must have been the room of a child. You take another step further, the storm still raging outside as you take more notice of the actual state of the room. The glass of the windows has been totally destroyed, pieces of glass still laying on the floor, and is as you look at the floor that you find what appears to be a silver ring amongst a partially burnt carpet. As soon as your eyes fall in the ring, you know, this is the source of the voices. 

You get on your knees and look at it without moving a single muscle. Now that you are here, you try to focus on the voices one more time, but still, you can not understand what they say. You move your hand towards the ring, but just when you are about to touch it… _“No…!”_ you hesitate for a second and look around, you think you heard… someone, someone different, someone not from the ring. That voice sounded urgent, almost as if it was warning you of something, but just as soon as it was there, it was then gone. You remain still, waiting to hear the voice again, but wait as you might, it doesn’t come back, and then, turning your attention back to the ring, you take it in your hand. 

But oh, what a mistake that is, for as soon as your skin makes contact with the ring, you experience excruciating pain lashing through you. You fall to the floor, your body forming a ball as you scream in pure agony. Images flash through your mind at such speed that you can not dream to keep up with them, and it is just when, after nothing but seconds, you lose grip of reality and are lost in a mind that no longer belongs to you. 

You are pulled down, down, down into a darkness you have never experienced before, it claws at you, it tears you apart with every bite it takes. You scream, your psyche unable to do anything but this, and as you keep spiraling out of control, the world around you stops for a single moment, and what you see horrifies you. 

A woman is tied at the stake. _No, not a woman, Lisa. That’s her name._ Lisa is tied at the stake, flames roar around you, and you hear her, begging to someone, to you? Begging to be better than them, but why? It hurts, it’s agony, not Lisa, not her, not your wife, not… your wife? The scene flashes, and now you are in your village, the stakes multiply, your sisters, no! They are going to die! You must stop this, you can’t-! You hear them scream, you smell them burn, you see the tears drying in their eyes. And you see _them,_ the Inquisition, the _humans,_ the ones to blame, the ones to _maim, destroy, erase._ But… no! You are human, your sisters too! Why…? _They killed my Lisa._ You are back at the plaza, and Lisa is dying! Hatred burns inside of you, you will end them, all of them, in her name, they will all die! No! This… this isn’t right! You can’t! No-!

The image becomes blurry, and again, the world spirals out of control, you are thrown away, tossed between memories that you no longer know who they belong to, until again, everything becomes still. 

Alucard, he stands in front of you. He says he is going to stop this, that he won’t allow this, but who is he talking to? Someone else is here, but you can’t see it. Who…? _Adrian, insolent child._ He charges towards you and, no-! You are running, ashes are covering your skin, your hair, it burns, and the smell, it’s so strong, the screams are getting closer. And the village, no! Not again! They are innocent! Stop! Wh-! Alucard, he is on the floor, bleeding, what…? Who…? You. What? You... did this? _For Lisa._ But… _I will do anything for her!_ No! Not like this! You want to rush towards him, to heal the gaping wound across his chest, but why can’t you move? Why are you-? Again, run, run, run. Don’t look back, don’t turn around, don’t let the tears blind you, run! They are after you, you are the only one left, you must survive, for them, for their legacy, you must! _Kill them._ Run! _End them!_ No! _They deserve it!_ You know! They do, you want to, but you can’t, not now.

You trip, you are in the castle, Alucard’s castle. _My castle._ What…? _I made it._ Dodge! It’s Alucard, again, and them… who are they? _The Belmont and the Speaker._ You are fighting him again, but he is stronger, and he is not alone. _I will kill him if I have to._ No, this is Alucard, you can’t kill him! We can’t! _He is trying to stop me!_ No! It hurts! It’s wrong, we don’t have to! But the hate, the pain, it’s too strong, too powerful, you can’t stop it, it makes you blind, it takes control, there’s only revenge, grief, eternal sorrow. Nothing matters, only _her._ He attacks, no _you_ attack, a massive concentrated flame, burning with all the agony of your heart. You only see fire and-! You stand on a hill, a thick column of smoke raises, your home, your people, dead, murdered, gone, lost. You escaped, but was it worth it? The pain, no, you can’t, you can’t face it, you can’t deal with it, take it back, take it, take it, you don’t want it. It’s too much, too soon. _It will never go._ Stop this! 

You are in a room, you know this room, you _are_ in this room, you think? Yes, you are sure. The books, the windows, they are the same and… everything is still. The hatred subsides, you can breathe, and- _My boy… I’m-I’m... I’m killing my boy._ You are drained, you can’t deal, not anymore, but… the sorrow, the regret, you are no- no, he, he is not him anymore. _Lisa, I’m killing our boy._ Tears run down your cheeks. A monster, he became what she hated, he is killing their boy. Alucard. Adrian, their son. He is their boy, and he is killing him. What has he become? _Your greatest gift to me, and I am killing him._ Why, why has it come to this. But it’s too late, he is lost, too far gone, there is no turning back. He died with Lisa, and now, he is breaking his son’s heart. But he has to end it, he must. _I’m sorry._ He doesn’t say it, but you know, you feel it. He is. But he knows what happens next, they both do. 

He closes the distance, and then, he gasps, he grits his teeth, but you, you scream. You feel the pain as if it was your own, because it is, now, in this moment, his pain is your pain, his sorrow is your sorrow. And his love, this pained, broken love, it's also your own, the love that makes you feel regret, wish it had been different, wish he had the chance to still have his mother, wish he didn’t have to carry this burden.

But above all else, the love that made him wish he had been better. 

_I love you, son._

And then, there’s nothing. The world dissipates around you until you are left alone, floating in a vast abyss in which you can not even find yourself. You are lost, but you don’t care, you are tired, you can’t carry on. So you close your eyes, you forget about the world, and simply let go. 

* * *

An agonic, piercing scream wakes Alucard in the middle of the night. Without any hesitation, he follows the screams, soon recognising Xiana’s voice. Fear grips at him, and in just a few seconds, he finds her laying on the floor of his childhood room. 

“Xiana” Her name falls from his lips almost like a plea as he rushes to her side and brings her into his embrace. 

Any rational thoughts had been thrown aside the second he saw her curled in the floor, convulsing, sweating and whispering words he could not make sense of. Every muscle on her body is so tense that it makes her tremble between convulsions, her eyes are wide open, staring but not seeing, not here. Tears fall down her cheeks, yet, she remains unresponsive. He calls her name, tries to see what the cause is, but every passing second of him finding no apparent reason makes his fear grow until it turns into panic. And then he hears it. 

“...Lisa.” 

His eyes are nailed to her lips, his pupils long turned into slits not moving from them as he pays close attention to her words.  
  
“...our boy… I’m killi... boy…” 

He looks at where the ring should be, at the place in which it felt and he never touched, and as he thought, it’s nowhere to be found. With fast, precise movements, he takes her fists and forces them open, snarling at the ring he finds in her palm and throwing it away from her. And then, as soon as it is gone, her whole body becomes limp. 

“Xiana, come back.” His voice chokes in emotiones, his hearing obsessively listening to anything but her beating heart. His long fingers tremble as he brushes aside locks of sweaty hair sticking to her forehead, she is cold, too cold. 

Standing on his feet and effortlessly carrying her, he wraps her in blankets as an intense, cold determination settles in his mind, forcing the rising panic down as his whole being focuses on one single objective. Moving at his inhuman speed, he heads to the Belmont Keep with her securely held in his arms. He does not know what it’s causing this, but considering how the ring was either the cause or the trigger, he knows the source is magical. He is a good researcher, he will find a way to fix this, he will turn the Keep upside down if he has to, he will do whatever it takes.

No matter the cost, he will bring her back. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment if you enjoyed (or hated lmao) the chapter! I always love to hearing about your thoughts if you want to share them :D


	6. Chapter 6

Darkness. 

Silence.

Void.

There is nothing left for you. You have reached the end. There is no need to fight anymore. Close your eyes and let your burdens go. 

Let go of everything, and be free. 

…

* * *

  
  


Alucard loses his nerve with every passing minute in which he can’t find any information that might help. He has set Xiana in one of the rooms the Belmont used when they would spend days within the Keep. Her skin was freezing cold when he left her there, and as such he ensured the fire was roaring and her body was covered in pelts and blankets. She had been unresponsive for almost a day, her heartbeat slow, but at least steady, a heartbeat that he keeps his senses focused on. He might be pouring everything he has on this research, but at the slightest variation on her physical condition, he would notice right away. 

Fear was stalking in the shadows of his mind, ready to grip at him the second his determination wavered, he could sense its claws scratching the surface, but he could not allow it to take control. He had to focus on this, on her. He had to remain calm, even as cold sweat pearled his skin while the knot on his throat threatened to stop him from breathing.

He clutches his forehead, trying to force the headache that has settled in his skull to disappear. He takes a deep breath, pushing the incipient panic back to where it can’t control him and running the mental list of everything he has checked so far. He had searched for magical objects and how they can affect the human mind, anything on retrieving memories through them, or simply reliving them through simple, non magical objects. But how? And why? Had his father enchanted the ring? Or was it something else? He was certain that whatever had happened, it was somehow related to his father’s memories, what she was mumbling before he took the ring away… those were words that he would never be able to forget, words that still made him choke on his own tears. 

But there was no time to dwell, not when he was at a loss about what was happening, not when he would not be able to breath until she had woken from this cursed reverie. He racks his brain as he continues his search, trying to remember anything that will aid him in finding a solution. Was there anything he was missing? Anything he had overlook-

The dolls. On that day, he had carefully observed Xiana being drawn to the poorly made dolls he crafted, almost as if she was in a trance. And Cezar, since the day she found him, it had bothered him how during all the time after the fight, he had never heard him, something that shouldn’t have been possible at all. It makes sense, all of it. She hadn’t heard him, she had _felt him_ , she had felt his sorrow, calling to her like a beacon, there was no other explanation, it had to be this, _it had to._ Dashing through the Keep, he rushes to the catalog and starts to frantically search for the word that might be the key. 

_“There.”_

In the blink of an eye, he has a small diary clutched in his hands, the title on its cover almost faded with time, but still readable enough. 

My time with empaths, it says. 

_“Please have something, please.”_ He reads through the pages, his movements so intense that they almost tear the pages with every turn, skimming through them, trying to find something relevant, something that will aid, something, _anything._ His eyes lock into place when a specific passage catches his eye. 

  
  


> _After the weeks spent with them, a boy from another village was brought here. For what I could see, the boy was unresponsive to any exterior stimulus. He was quickly taken to one of the healer's huts and I have not seen him after that. I have asked other members of this village what was wrong with him, and thanks to their answers I have learnt that the close knitted communities this people form are not only fruit of their culture. As I have learned today, Empaths (as they call their kind), are creatures of emotions, their need for connections with other beings being as important as breathing. For what they know so far, the boy appears to be a former slave, deprived for years from the type of physical touch and emotional relations needed for their kind to survive, due to this, he has entered a state they refer to as “husk”. While in normal circumstances an empath can live their whole life without human contact (but still needing some sort of emotional connection to other living beings), the more than likely traumatic events this boy has experienced have created a division between him and the sentient world that requires deeply meaningful relationships to mend this divide, if this is left unchecked, the empath turns into the “husk”. While in this form, the “husk” lives trapped in their own psyche, the continuous neglect towards their empath side creating wounds that become too deep for them to face on their own, once they reach this point, it is nearly impossible to bring them back. They say that for the next few days, the empaths of this village will take turns to give him constant skin to skin contact and attempt to connect to him in a way that they don’t seem to be able to explain to someone that lacks the abiliti-_

He stops reading, almost throwing the book aside as he runs to her side, horror griping at him as realisation sinks in his soul. This was his fault, all of it. If he hadn’t been so blind, if he had just trusted that part of him that begged him to reach out, if he hadn’t fought it, then this could have been avoided, then she wouldn’t be about to die.

_No._

He couldn’t accept it, he wouldn’t, not for as long as her heart was still beating. With hurried movements, he almost rips his clothes off him as he fully undresses himself, once he is next to her, he practically throws the many layers that cover her body, and with near desperate movements he takes all her clothes off and gets in bed with her. His eyes become blurry with tears as guilt and fear finally break free, biting at every part of his soul just like her cold skin bites at him. Emotions overwhelm him as he cradles her close, holding her against his body and trying to touch as much of her skin as he possibly can. He wishes he could give her his warmth, that he could do something that would wake her up right away, but he knows that won’t happen, yet, he can not give up. 

His body shakes as the soul crushing guilt racks his body, he can’t lose her, he just met her and he can’t let go. He doesn’t know if it’s love, if it’s just a desperate craving for a touch he has been denied for so long, but whatever it is, it screams for her, it begs and trashes for one more chance to see her eyes, for just one more opportunity to hear her voice. He buries his face on her hair as he tucks her head under his chin, his leg thrown over her body, bringing her even closer as his arms crush her against his chest. 

“Xiana-” His voice breaks as tears start to flow freely, the self loathing for what he has done too great to contain. “Don’t leave me, come back to me.” 

* * *

For how long have you been here...? It’s cold and dark, but also calm. There is nothing here, nothing to bring you joy, but also nothing to cause you sorrow. The darkness caresses you as you float in this perpetual abyss, it makes you feel sheltered, it makes you feel safe. It whispers sweet words to you, it keeps encouraging you to let go, to fall into its arms, like the embrace of loving parents holding their child, protecting them from the world and all the ugly it contains. And you want to, you want to be safe one more time, away from a world that you no longer recognise, held and shielded from the pain. 

But… why do you feel like you are missing something important? Why do you have this constant, nagging pull that unsettles you? You were supposed to feel at peace, but you don’t, why? Why isn’t this over? 

_“Let go, Xiana, haven’t you given enough already?”_

The sweet voice speaks to you, almost like a siren’s call luring you with it’s beautiful song. 

_“You have suffered so much, you have lost so much. Come with me and be at peace.”_

Tears form in your eyes at the love you can hear in its voice. It loves you, it cares for you, it wants to keep you safe. And it hurts to be away, it hurts to reject it, but you can not go for as long as this feeling remains. 

_“You don’t need to hold on, you have reached the end, you have fought for long enough.”_

But it’s not true, is it? You need to hold on, but why? You can’t remember, you can only remember your name, your name… who gave it to you? 

_“We are waiting for you, my baby.”_

Wait… Is that your sister? It sounded like her but… no, it can’t be. Your sister… she was a fighter, she… she gave her life for you. You start to remember something, screams amidst the chaos, ordering you to go. The memory is faint, but you pull it, you need to remember, you know this. 

_There is fire around you, screams rise with the flames, and amongst them you see your sister. She stands in front of you, next to the dead body of your father, laying on the floor in a pool of blood and ashes. She is holding them off, the soldiers, but her blue dress is turning dark with the blood that pours through her side._

_“Go!” She screams at you, blood dripping from her eyes and ears while she pushes her body far and beyond its limit. “Go, Xiana! Now!”_

_You can’t, you can’t leave her, you can’t leave everybody else._

_“It’s too late for us, but not for you! Run!”_

_The tears blind you as you force your magic to work, as you try to kill the soldiers that threaten your sister, but she doesn’t let you._

_“Don’t do this, my baby, don’t die with the rest of us”_

_You are frozen on the spot, her face is full of blood, and her eyes, once vibrant and bright are now turning glassy. She falls to one knee, her arms still extended, still forcing the soldiers to stay back._

_“Run, Xiana, run and live.” Her smile is sad, her voice tired. She has accepted her fate, and she is at peace with it, for as long as you live, she will be at peace. “I love you, sis.”_

_She turns away from you, facing the soldiers with the sole intent of protecting you for this one last time. You feel magic rushing towards her, you see her skin starting to smoke as her body can not contain the power that she forces in, you can not look, so you turn around and run, you run for as fast as you can without turning around. You hear a raging scream, and as the tears blind you as you force yourself to keep going, you feel the presence that once belonged to your sister flaring with power for one last time, and then, just like that, your sister was gone._

You gasp once the memory is over. Pain that you had forgotten starts to surge one more time, it’s muted, faded, but still there. You are so tired, you have no strength left, you have nothing but this cruel wanting for something that you can’t have. Something that you can’t reach. You are lost, and you don’t know if you will ever be able to find yourself again. As much as you wish the past not to exist, as much as you wish you could belong one more time, you can’t. 

_“It doesn’t matter anymore. You have been falling for all this time, you have nothing left. Let go of the shadows of your past. I can take it all away.”_

To take everything away, to not feel this pain anymore. It would be easy, to just… disappear. There was no one left, no one that would suffer your loss, no one to shed a tear once you were gone. 

But that’s not true, is it…?

You try to focus on this incipient memory, the pull that entices you to remain here and doesn’t allow you to go. It wills you to not give in, to not close your eyes, like a desperate plea that begs you to not turn away. Amber eyes… eyes that say more than words ever could, but who..?

You feel yourself drifting away one more time, the speck of colour fading away into the void that envelops you. 

You are too tired to hold onto it… You can’t… but… a name, you remember a name…

Alucard…?

* * *

Three days have passed, and Alucard hasn’t moved from her side for even just a second. He holds on to the beating of her heart, the steady rumble being his sole focus, his eyes remain closed as he keeps on whispering her name like a prayer, begging her to wake up, to open her eyes one more time. But she has not given any signs of improvement, a fact that threatens to shatter his heart with only the mere notion of this being the end. 

It wasn’t fair, none of this was. Perhaps he was being selfish, perhaps he was holding onto something that wasn’t even there, just a product of his pitiful imagination making him believe for just a single moment that he could have something good. As far as he knew, the feelings blooming in his chest were one directional. She was human, she could move on, find a place to live and settle down with someone that wasn’t as defective as him, someone that could make her happy, someone that could provide what she needed. 

And even if he wasn’t a delusional fool, even if there had been something between them... he had killed it with his actions on that horrible day. After that moment, he had pushed his impulses down, held them under, hoping they would suffocate and die, but it was futile, for just the sight of her was enough to make this feeling resurface like a wild beast. It was almost evil, because these feelings came with the cruel reminder that this was nothing but a dream.

But none of that mattered anymore, if she could just live, it would be good enough, if only-

“Alucard…?” 

His eyes snap wide open at the sound of her voice. It was barely audible even with his hearing, her lips not even moving with the sound.

“Xiana!” He lays her on her back, his body hovering over hers as he runs his fingers over and over again through her hair. “I’m here.” 

His eyes trace her features, desperately searching for any sign that indicates she can hear him. He keeps talking to her, his voice becoming strained with every passing second. She doesn’t move again, doesn’t utter any sound beyond her steady breathing, but at least, he now has a new found hope. Bringing her back against his chest, he presses his lips against her hair as he keeps on talking. 

“I won’t go anywhere, not until you open your eyes.” He curls his body around her, his arm moving across her chest, pressing her even harder against his body as his lips move to her ear, his breathing turning shaky as tears start to form in his eyes once again. “I have no forgiveness, and I have no right to ask this of you but… I don’t want to see you go, I want you to come back, and I want you to stay here, with me, for as long as you will have me. So please, please, don’t leave me, Xiana.” 

He closes his eyes, a shuddering breath escaping his throat, and holding her as tight as he can without fear of injuring her, he thinks of what life could have been like if things had been different before the exhaustion of not sleeping for days forces him to drift away. 

* * *

You are lost, memories fluctuate time to time, reminding you of who you are, but the truth is… you don’t want it, not anymore. The pain is too much to bear all alone, too much to handle by yourself. So you close your eyes and wait until you are gone, until there is nothing left of you, until you can disappear in peaceful bliss and become nothing. 

_“Xiana!”_

That voice makes your eyes flutter open… it is familiar, your name is called in a whisper with a note of desperation that makes you ache all over, that makes you feel guilt for reasons you can not comprehend. Even as it sounds like a distant echo from a place too far away for you to reach, it resonates with you. 

_The glistening shine of amber eyes._

  
  


You straighten yourself up, or as much as it’s possible in this strange limbo that has become your existence. You look around, keep your ears open hoping for more words to come through, for that voice that makes you feel… _something._ It confuses you, emotions feel alien in this place, like something that is not allowed to exist in this realm, something forbidden, dangerous. But it makes you _feel,_ this voice makes you react, makes you… aware? 

_“I’m here.”_

  
  


Where? You look around, you can’t see anything, but the voice says it’s here, and you know in your heart that it doesn’t lie. You start to feel agitated, something is not right, you don’t know what it is, but something is terribly wrong about this. 

The voice resonates again, words that you can’t understand, a fact that distresses you beyond reason, you run, you try to reach the voice, to will the words to become clearer, louder, something that you can hold on to. This place starts to feel suffocating, no longer welcoming and safe. 

_“...stay, with me...”_

_The scent of elderflowers enveloping you._

Tears run down your cheeks as you listen to these words. Why does it hurt so much? Who is it? Why do you feel like you are leaving something important behind? You are being dragged away, the darkness is oppressive, it’s taking your breath away from your lungs. You have to leave, you have to, you have to! You must leave! This place is not for you! 

_“...don’t leave me, Xiana.”_

_The soft caress of fingers against your cheek._

You fall to your knees and clutch your heart as Alucard’s face flashes in your mind. Memories of your times together return at the same time, it overwhelms you, it makes it hard to breath, but you greedily pull harder at them, you need them, you want them. The suffocating presence commences to lift, with every memory you take back, with every feeling you take on, the darkness around you starts to dissipate more and more. 

Your heart aches, your eyes hurt as light starts to envelop you, the pain is rushing back in, yet, this time you don’t run from it. You don’t turn away, you take it all in and let it invade you, you let the bitter tears start to mend the wound in your soul. The agony breaks you apart, but for every sorrowful moment, you also remember the joyful ones. You see your sister’s wide smile, you hear her laughter, you smell the herbs in her hands, feel her hands braiding your hair, taste the pies she used to make. And you see him, smiling at you, scared to be vulnerable, but smiling with a smile that reaches his eyes. You hear his chuckle, a sound that he tries to suffocate but fails to. You smell the elderflowers as he helps you walk around the castle. You feel his hand against your skin, a pained goodbye, a wish of what could have been. 

And then, everything around you freezes in time, you are floating again, but now, you are surrounded by a kaleidoscope of colours and warmth. You feel something all around you, a comforting pressure that makes you feel safe, you focus on it, you want more, and you let it pull you in. It grounds you, it makes your body feel heavy, and you feel yourself being pulled down, down to a place that welcomes you, down to a body that is being embraced. The warmth becomes more intense, the colours start to fade, turning into a gentle orange shine, the scents become more intense, and then, finally, you open your eyes. 

Your body feels heavy and exhausted, but at the same time, you feel better than you have in a long time. In your heart, you feel light, like a heavy weight that has been constricting you has finally lifted away. Something is pressing against your skin, something soft and warm, something that feels somewhat familiar. Your eyelids feel heavy as you crack them open, and as soon as you do, you realise the touch on your skin belongs to Alucard. With your eyes now fully open and your mind clear, you try to think why on earth both of you are naked and in bed. You are on a complete loss of what happened to you, the last thing you remember is walking into a child’s room, and then… a ring? Your memories about it are a bit fuzzy, but before pondering on them, you decide to turn your attention to the dhampir laying with you. 

You relish the sensation of his warm, firm body pressed around you, almost covering you in your entirety. He is asleep, and when you look at his face and see the frown that is settled on his expression, you free your arm from his grasp and reach out to him. You move cautiously, almost scared that as soon as you wake him, this moment will shatter into a million pieces. You don’t know how you reached this situation, but you would be lying if you said you didn’t like it despite the confusion. You are surprised that he hasn’t opened his eyes already, considering how much you are moving and how closely intertwined you both are. He must be truly exhausted to not react, which only creates more questions in your mind. But you push them aside, you will have time to get answers, for right now, you only care about reliving the worried expression that haunts him even in his sleep. 

You place your fingers on his cheek, running your thumb against that frown that you hate to see, his eyes open almost instantly, and as soon as he takes on you and the small smile you give him, his eyes start to tear up and his lips part with no words leaving them. Just like that, you are crushed in his embrace as he holds on to you as if his life depends on it. His whole body shakes while he sobs against your hair, even if you don’t know what’s happening, you don’t hesitate when you pull your arms around him and hold him as tightly as he does you. 

He says nothing as he lets everything out, all the stress, the fear, the relief, all the overwhelming emotions that he can not hope to cope with in any other way. You caress his back, keeping him close as you wait for him to compose himself. Once the sobs have subsided, you move back, enough to be able to look him in the eyes as you lay face to face. 

“What happened?” You ponder in a whisper. 

He shakes his head, and for a moment you think he is not going to answer. 

“You were gone for four days, I didn’t know if you-” He closes his eyes and presses his lips in a thin line, composing himself as the memories of the last few days make his voice break.

“Four days…? I don’t remember much, everything is still blurry, but four days?.” You frown as you try to remember more, but as of now, it proves to be impossible. 

You shift your body, wanting to stretch your limbs but not wanting to part from his side, and in doing so, Alucard seems to become suddenly aware of both your bodies, your proximity and the inappropriate nature of this. Shame paints his features as he averts his eyes from you and moves away, leaving you feeling cold with his absence. 

“I apologise. I didn’t mean to disrespect you like this, I assure you I didn’t do-”

“Stop.” He freezes on his step, standing naked next to the bed but not turning to face you. “Stay.”

His whole body tenses up, and when he doesn’t make any signs of moving, you get up from the bed and stand in front of him. His eyes stay on the ground, his hair hiding his features as he refuses to look at you. You look at his figure, at the deep scar across his chest and the smaller ones that cover the front of his body. The one on his chest looks old, but the other ones… they can not be more than a few months old at best. Deciding to ignore them at the moment, you take a step closer, forcing yourself on his field of view. One of your hands rests against his chest, while the other tucks his hair behind his ear, next cupping his cheek. You look up at his eyes, eyes that finally meet your own before you quickly glance at his lips as you gently nudge him closer. He allows you to guide him, slowly lowering his head until your lips are barely inches away from his parted ones. 

Your heart races in your chest with anticipation, his heart, beating strongly against your palm. You don’t want him to go away, you don’t want him to shy away from you, ever. All you want is to feel his touch, to feel his body against your own, to hear the sounds he would make as you kiss his body, to taste his lips and slide your tongue against his. You want to sleep with him and wake up next to him like you just did, you want to feel this way for a bit longer, even if it’s just this one time. You stare at his eyes, and you hope that he can see what you feel in them, you hope that he feels the same way you do as you close the distance a bit further, as you feel your heartbeat becoming even faster and as your whole body orders you to kiss him. 

“Stay…” 

And then, you finally close the distance between the two. Your lips press against his own, soft and gentle while your hand moves to the back of his neck. You stay there for a few moments, too scared to move, too scared to over step, and when he doesn’t react, you feel your heart plummeting in your chest for one moment. However, before you can step away, you feel his hands delicately placing themselves on your hips, his head tilting slightly as his lips start to move against your own, his long eyelashes tickling your nose. Relief washes over you, now, both your arms hooked around his neck as you get on your tiptoes and deepen the kiss. Your bodies are pressed together, his hold on your hips becoming firmer as your tongue slides in his mouth. Your tongues dance against each other, almost shy in the movements, carefully exploring one another, still doubting if this is real. When your tongue slides against one of his fangs, he groans in your mouth and his hold turns into a sudden iron grip. You are surprised at this, and you, wanting to test it, repeat the motion. He groans one more time, and with your bodies so close together, you feel his member hardening against your stomach. Uh, you had no idea that dhampir’s fangs were so sensitive. 

You end the kiss, and gently, you push him back to the bed, he falls on his back, his hair sprawled around the pillow. He looks at you, his eyes slowly sliding down your body as you settle yourself on top of him, he gulps, a slight blush covering his cheeks as he stares at you with a hazy look. You bring your lips back to his, capturing one more time as you continue your careful exploration. His hands settle one more time on your hips, his touch uncertain, yet, enough to make every part of your skin in contact with his own feel aflame. 

Heat pools between your legs, and when you lower your lips to trail kisses from his jaw to his neck, you feel the tip of his erection brushing against your core. You yelp at the unexpected touch, a wave of wetness gathering between your legs at the mere idea of having him inside you. Your hands move to his own, and as soon as you place them against the mattress, with your fingers curled against his, you know something is wrong. 

You look at him, all desire abandoning your body in a split second when you see the look on his face. 

“Don’t, don’t do this-”

He is not here, his eyes don’t look at you, but somewhere that only he can see. His breathing starts to come in irregular intervals, and when his whole frame starts to tremble, you remove yourself from top of him and carefully place your hands on his cheeks. You have seen this behaviour on some of the villager girls enough times to recognise it right away, and if that wasn’t enough, the waves of fear, shame and confusion that emanate from him give you a good enough image of what must have happened to him. 

The mere idea of forcing someone, or using them as a tool when for you it has always been something beautiful to share between willing souls kills you inside. Your heart breaks for him, tears start to form in your eyes, tears that you force to stay away as you try to keep your voice as gentle as you can manage. 

“Alucard, it’s me, you are safe. No one is going to hurt you.” You keep talking at him, gently caressing his hair until finally, his eyes focus on you one more time. 

“Xiana…?” 

“It’s alright, everything is fine.” 

He looks at you, confused, ashamed, hurt. Every one of his emotions washes over you as if they were your own, and without any doubt, the one that makes you want to scream the most, is the deep shame that taints every part of him. You want to scream, to tear apart whoever did this to him, to erase every single memory that brings him to this state. But you keep it all on, no matter how deep your fury runs, how deep the horror is, you push it all away, and instead, pull him against your chest and hold him close, your fingers continuously running through his hair as you wait for him for the second time today. At first, he freezes, but soon after, his body stops trembling, his muscles slowly relaxing until he lays limp against you. 

“...I’m sorry.” 

“No.” You make him look at you, you force him to look in your eyes and make him see the sincerity in them. “This is not your fault, none of it is. So don’t say that, please.” 

His lips tremble at your words, logically speaking, he knows that you speak the truth, but what we know and what we feel, is not always the same thing. He tucks his head under your chin one more time, hiding from you, his words impossible to say any other way.

“I wish to… be with you, to do this, but…” You feel his chin trembling against your skin, so you shush him and continue for him. 

“I know, I understand. I do not want you to force yourself to lay with me or anyone else. Sharing such intimacy with another being is something that should be born from mutual desire and want.” You press a gentle kiss against his hair, running your hand on soothing motions on his back. “If we do this, it will be when we are both ready, the last thing I wish is to make you feel pressured on this.” 

He remains silent for so long that you are surprised when you hear his next words.

“...Will you stay?” 

Your heart flutters at such simple words, words that right now, mean the world to you. 

“Until you kick my ass out of here.” You say with a smile forming on your lips, a smile that widens further when you feel the rumble of his chuckle. 

He moves back, enough so his face lays side to side with your own. His eyes close slightly as he smiles at you. 

“And if that never happens?” He asks the question teasingly, but behind it, you can hear the hidden hope that lays there. 

“Then I suppose you would be stuck with me for a very long time.” 

“A most tragic outcome that would be.” He sighs dramatically, offering you an expression that says -ah, the things I have to put up with-.

You scoff indignantly at his retort and shove his chest playfully, trying to keep the laughter bubbling in your chest from exploding. 

He laughs, and the sound of it fills your soul in a way that you hadn’t felt before, you can’t contain your laughter anymore, and as you join him in it, you both find yourselves staring into each other's eyes. He tucks some of your hair behind your ear, and the way he looks at you makes you feel like you were the most important thing in this world. 

“You must be hungry, and thirsty.” 

As soon as he mentions it, you realise how tremendously correct he is. 

“I am, in fact, starving.” 

He chuckles at your dramatic expression, falling back in the bed with your hand on your forehead. 

“In that case, let’s go back to the castle before my ravenous witch passes out from hunger.”

Your heart jumps in your chest when you hear the word “my”, you don’t think he realised, and not wanting to risk changing the light atmosphere that surrounded him, you keep the warm feeling spreading through your body to yourself. He looks at you, then at your lips, then at you once again, almost as if he was asking permission with his eyes. You smile, and with a low, soft voice say. 

“You can kiss me anytime you want.” 

“Oh.”

He stares at your lips for one more moment until finally, closing his eyes, he presses his lips against your own in a soft kiss. His hand cups your cheek, his touch delicate, still acting like at any moment he will wake up and none of this will be real, that you will still be laying in that bed, gone to that place where he can’t follow. The kiss is short, and when he finally parts from you, you both remain with your eyes closed for a moment longer, both of you still savouring the moment. You open yours when he takes your hand on his own and brings it to his lips, placing another soft kiss on your knuckles before getting up. 

He reaches for his clothes that are thrown all around the room you are at, then, he collects yours and hands them to you, his eyes falling on your body for a second longer than necessary, not that you mind, of course. You get up and get dressed as you try to not tease him when you see the light blush spreading through his cheeks. 

You finish putting your clothes on and step out of the room when your legs fail you. However, before you can hit the floor, you are lifted in the air as two strong arms secure you against Alucard’s body. 

“Thank you.” 

He says nothing as he starts to walk you through the halls of the biggest library you have ever seen. This place is more than a library, you realize while you observe the many magical objects that are in exposition all around you, you look around fascinated at the marvel of the place, even when it has clearly been abandoned for a long, long time. 

“What is this place?” 

“The Belmont Keep.” 

“Belmont? As in the famous monster hunters?” 

“Yes.” 

“I- You- How? How are we here?” 

“It’s a long story, one that I will tell you over dinner, if you wish to hear it.” 

You nod in responde, and patting him in the chest you say. 

“I can walk, Alucard.” He frowns slightly at your words, which makes you arch your eyebrow, _especially_ when he totally ignores you and doesn’t put you down. “Alucard?” 

He glances at you, the frown deepening as you sense his worry for you. It softens your heart even before he speaks. 

“You haven’t moved for four days, I don’t want you to overextend yourself. So allow me to at least carry you up the stairs, then we can walk to the castle.”

The stairs? You are about to ask about them when Alucard turns on a corner and, right before you, the longest stairs you have seen stand. Glancing up to the top, you tap him on the chest one more time before resting your head against his shoulder. 

“You know what? You make an excellent point.” 

You feel his concern turning into ease as he chuckles, his arms tightening around you as he starts to move up the stairs. Neither of you says anything as he makes his way to the top, you, too busy looking around you, and him, too busy looking at you and the fascination in your face. Once you reach the top, he sets you down on a square wood platform, something you suppose to be some kind of elevator as you look up to the sky. When he sets the mechanism in motion, he moves back to your side, silently offering you his arm as you are taken to the top. 

The sky is clear, the sun shining brightly in the sky. You close your eyes and turn your face towards it, letting the rays warm your skin even in the chill of early winter. As your eyes open, you find Alucard observing you once again with that look in his eyes, the one that makes you feel like the most important thing in the world, and then, as you both head to the castle in a comfortable silence, you think that, perhaps, the world is not such a bad place after all. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment if you enjoyed (or hated lmao) the chapter! I always love to hearing about your thoughts if you want to share them :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am super sorry for not updating this in... *checks the date* almost three months. However, I am not back to it and I should be able to go back into weekly updates of this. Also, we are alllllllllllllllmost on the fluffy, domestic, cute moments of the fic, so if you have suffered this long, there's not long to suffer now, lmao. 
> 
> With that said, hope anyone reading this chapter will enjoy it, and I guess, see you next week <3
> 
> Also, I haven't proofreaded this chapter, so I will likely be updating it later today with corrections and stuff, but I wanted to publish it already so, here it is :D

You sit on the floor, a mess of scrolls and books surrounding you while you lose yourself into the words, Cezar peacefully sleeping on the corner of the room, or resting more likely, since you don’t think he actually needs to sleep. For the past few days, you have been researching and learning as much as you can about your kind, something that you hadn’t ever thought you would do. As far you were concerned, you were just a witch, but learning that you are also an empath has thrown you on an unexpected tangent. You have learned that there isn’t as much information on empaths as you would like, most of the mentions you have found being passing references amidst other creatures. In the end, the diary that Alucard found had proven to be the most useful of them all, and in your pursuit for understanding, you have read it more times than you would like to admit. 

You sigh as you close the book you have been reading, groaning when again, you haven’t learned anything useful. You groan one more time, followed by a frustrated huff while you let yourself fall back on the carpet, staring at the ceiling while you consider if all of this even really matters. 

“I assume you haven’t found anything useful today.” You tilt your head backwards and look at Alucard, who is standing under the door frame and observing you. With your attention now on something else, you realise that you hadn’t notice him leaving the room in the first place, nor the sun already gone from the sky above. You rub your eyes when you suddenly become aware of how tired you are. 

“Yeah, no luck at all.” You pat the space next to you, inviting him to join you on the floor. He maneuvers through the papers scattered around you, finally clearing some space and laying down on the floor next to you. You roll until you are half on top of him, your arms falling to the sides while your cheek rests on his chest. One of his hands moves to your back while the other remains on the back of his head, making you smile at the casual touch that he was now comfortable with. “If I am being honest, I don’t think all of this is that important, well, besides making sure I don’t go on another magical coma or something of the sort.” 

You feel him tensing up at the mention of it, which causes you to move so you can look at his face. His eyes rest on your face, a slight frown settling on his brows, perhaps as he remembers your cold body, unresponsive and lifeless on that bed. Your thumb moves to his frown, applying pressure on it until it fades away, smiling at him in what you hope is a reassuring smile. 

“I’m fine now, Alucard, what happened will not repeat.” His frown returns to his face, this time deeper than before, and something about the way he feels makes you think that there is something more that bothers him. “If there’s something you wish to tell me, you know you can, right?” 

His gaze moves from your eyes to nowhere in particular, his eyes lost in the space of the room. 

“I know, I just worry that something else will happen, because something else always happens when I am involved.” 

He is lying, well, not  _ exactly _ . You know that what he says is true, that he believes this, but underneath, you can sense that this is just on the surface level, there is something else deep below that he doesn’t want to share, you wonder what this could be, but above all you don’t wish to pressure him into telling you, even when a part of you stings in response to this. As usual, you don’t pursue the subject, and instead you pretend that his words are all that there is to it. 

“If that’s the case, we will figure it out when the time comes.” 

He rolls to his side, taking you with him until you both lay face to face, his hand moves to your cheek, his eyes boring on you like in search of something. The scrutiny they subject you to makes you feel somehow exposed and naked, and while the sensation makes you shiver, is not something that you mind. Whatever it is that he is looking for, you don’t think he manages to find, for his shoulders sag forward as he exhales, offering you a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“I guess we will have to.” 

Concern takes ahold of you, you want to reply to him, to address whatever is causing the waves of doubts to emanate from him, but as you are parting your lips, he gets on his feet and offers you his hand. Looking at his posture and the aura that surrounds him, you know this conversation is over and any attempts to speak about it would be futile. 

“Let’s go, I came to tell you dinner is ready before you distracted me.” He smiles at you, and you know that this is his way of trying to change the subject, of asking you to do the same, and while part of you can’t help but remain worried, you yield this time, putting on one of your smiles as you accept his hand and he sets you on your feet effortlessly. 

“Is the curse of my bewitching looks, can’t do anything without distracting everyone around me.” He offers you his arm as he usually does, chuckling at your words while you call Cezar to follow you. 

“A most effective curse, no doubt.” 

Making your way to the kitchen, you sit at the now familiar wooden table and start to eat the meal that he prepared, time to time you are still surprised at how much of a good cook he actually is, and amidst a comfortable silence, you finish the food and remain sat for a while as you drink the bottle of wine that he brought. It’s then when your eyes fall on the dolls that rest on their usual spot, and with it, the thought of a conversation you think you need to have crossing your mind. You swirl the wine, your eyes staring at the circular motions while you put together some of the pieces of the memories that, while still scattered, you have managed to recover after your time out. 

“You know…” You say, breaking the silence. “I’ve commenced to remember some of the things I saw.” You stop for a moment, your eyes moving to the growing tension on his brows. “I think we should talk about it.” 

“Why?” You can feel him closing off, not only because you sense it, but because you can see it on the way his body language shifts from relaxation to a stiff posture, eyes refusing to meet your own, voice sounding harsh. You look at him in surprise, not expecting such a curt answer from him, not when he has been so keen on finding as much information as possible. For him to react in such a way makes you wonder if there’s something he hasn’t told you already, and considering what you have managed to remember, you can’t really blame him if that’s the case. But regardless of your suspicions, and regardless of the part of you that pleas with you to drop the subject, to shelter him from the pain, you say. 

“I think you know why.” Your eyes search his face, trying to find something,  _ anything _ that will help you, but as soon as the words fall from your lips, he attempts to stand and walk away. However, before he can get away you place your hand on his, stopping his movements right on his tracks. He freezes at the touch while his amber gaze fills with sorrow, forcing you to take a deep breath to not shudder at the intensity of the emotion. 

His hand starts to tremble, so you squeeze it gently until he allows himself to fall back into the chair, his long fingers curling around yours and giving you a soft squeeze in return, his pulse relaxing as you start to caress the velvety skin. His shoulders slump along with his head, hair cascading forward and hiding his face from you, your body moves towards him without as much of a conscious thought, but before you can make contact you stop yourself and lean back on your chair. You stay there, in silence, offering nothing but the comfort of your presence while you allow him time to gather himself. His emotions crash against your whole body, so intense that at times, you worry that they will take you down with him. 

After some silent minutes, you sense the turbulent waves emanating from him becoming still, or at least, as still as they can be in this situation. You don’t look at him, your mind now travelling through the memories of what you saw, of what it felt like you lived through, with time putting some distance between the events and you, you are able to think more clearly, you are able to handle the gutting sorrow that invades you every time you dare to peek at the other side of that gate, but with the sorrow there’s also some strange peace that comes with it, and zeroing on that moment that shines brighter than the rest, you speak words that, even if simple, are also shattering. 

“He loved you, you know.” You don’t need to specify who you are talking of, he knows, you know this and so does he. “Even at the end, no,  _ especially _ at the end, he loved you.” His hand grips your own, guilt and pain washing over you as you continue to talk in the gentlest of voices that you can manage. “He didn’t hate you, he didn’t blame you, he loved you, and he.... He regretted what he did, not for them, but for Lisa, for what his actions made you do, for putting that weight on your shoulders.” This time, when his shoulders start to shake with the strength of his sobs, you stand up and close the distance between the two of you, pulling him towards you and embracing him as you keep repeating the same words. “He loved you, Alucard, and he understood.” 

He clutches your clothes, burying his face on your stomach while you cradle his head on your arms. A part of him was damaged beyond repair the day he struck his father, and is that part that you can hear screaming, crying and begging right now. Your heart breaks with it, but at the same time, something in you steps forward and envelops him in a way you can’t describe, but with every jagged sob, every shard of pain that cuts at you, that blanket becomes heavier, safer, and as you hold him tight through the storm that rages within him, you can sense that strange energy becoming lighter while the fury of his guilt and sorrow turns to a murmur in your mind. It’s still there, and you think that part of it will never go away, but you would never expect otherwise. But that’s alright, you think to yourself, some wounds run too deep, something that you know on an intimate level, and even if these wounds heal, they become scars, never disappearing, never fading away. And perhaps that’s the way things are meant to be, but now is not the time to think of it, not when Alucard is hurting like this. 

“How am I supposed to live with myself, Xiana? I killed my own father.” His voice comes out even raspier than usual, his words sounding tired and broken, his breath warming the clothes that are now damp with his tears. 

Lowering your head down, you place a kiss to the top of his head before getting on your knees and gazing at him. Your hands tuck the long strands of his hair behind his ears like many times before before your thumbs rub the tears away from his cheeks. You look at his eyes, and the fear you see in them rips at you. Small drops hang from his long lashes, light catching on them in a somewhat beautiful way, and while you understand why they are there, part of you aches at the sight, so you lean forward until your face is mere inches from his. He closes his eyes, your contact and closeness something that he now welcomes and wants, perhaps even more than he is aware of. Your lips press against one eyelid and then the other, a soft, strained breath escapes him, and while you can feel your actions giving him comfort, you also sense more doubts and fear brewing underneath it. 

You don’t blame him, you know that what he is going through isn’t easy, it can’t be. Losing one's mother like that would be enough to turn a lot of people into broken creatures, but having humanities hopes for survival on your shoulders and carrying out the execution of your own father would certainly bring anyone to a point of no return. 

Especially when his heart held nothing but love for him. 

You press your forehead to his, wishing that somehow you could take some of his suffering away. But you can’t, you know, still, that doesn’t stop you from trying, and while you are unsure if this will work as you hope it will, you can not afford to remain stuck in this, thus, taking a deep breath you are this time the one to look down, your heart starting to fill with the familiar pain that you have attempted to ignore for a long time. 

“As you already know, I lived in a secluded village with other witches and also some humans, life was good, we lived in peace for a long, long time.” Tears start to prick behind your eyes, your voice turning hoarse as you try to keep them at bay. “There was a human village just a couple of days away from us, a village we used to visit from time to time to get certain provisions that were not easy to come by. On our last visit we learned that they were going through a bad famine, most of them wouldn’t survive the winter if they didn’t get some food. I-” Your voice breaks, the gut wrenching guilt closing your throat as you try to gather your words. “I wanted to help them, we could easily use our magic to revive their crops, to ensure their survival. The rest told me it was too risky, that it would bring unwanted attention to us. They said that it was tragic, but helping them was not an option… I.. I didn’t  _ listen _ , on our way back home I sneaked back and enchanted the land and - and soldiers were there, of course, they followed me back to camp, and then, they followed us back to our village. It was stupid and it was  _ reckless,  _ I  _ knew  _ that the Inquisition was turning stronger in the remote areas of my home, and  _ yet... _ ” You take a ragged breath, silent tears starting to fall down your cheeks, but you can’t let this break you now, you won’t. You feel an intense rage starting to form inside of him, and in a strange way, this helps you to clear your mind and continue “It was a massacre. We were not ready, they must have had a magic wilder amongst them, because we didn’t feel their presence approaching until they were right over us. But by then it was too late. They caught us by surprise, we fought, we fought with everything we had, and we managed to end a great number of them, but in the end it was futile.” The next words you say are some that you haven’t said out loud until now. Ones that you haven’t been ready to admit before, ones that tear you apart as they start to abandon your lips. “Everyone died, my parents died protecting my sister and I, but you know what’s the worst part of it all? I ruined their sacrifice too. I tried to fight more, to protect what was left while my sister tried to take me away, while she  _ pleaded and begged _ , I resisted, and in the end that my stupidity took her life too.” 

* * *

She looks up, and what Alucard sees is the face of someone that feels defeated and tired, of someone that carries a guilt that rivals his own, an expression, a look in her eyes that he has seen reflected in the mirror many times before. His eyes, before wide open now have an understanding shine in them. He knows what he wants to say, he knows he wants to tell her is not her fault, that she is not to blame for what others do, that she is not to blame for the death of her sister, but he also knows that saying so would be like forgiving himself too. 

Part of him wants to say is not the same, that what she did can’t compare to his own actions, but he knows that uttering such words will be something Xiana will not accept. With a deep frown set on his face, he closes his eyes for a moment as he tries to think of something, of an appropriate way to comfort her as every fiber of his being demands him to do. This time, he is the one to get off his chair and get down in the ground with her until their faces are eye to eye. Copying her actions without realising, he tucks her hair behind her ear and dries the silent tears that streak across her cheeks. 

He hates seeing them, he hates seeing the pain in her eyes, he hates that she had seen such horrors, that she blames herself for it, and another part of him, a part that for a split second reminds him of his father, hates that he gave the soldiers chasing her a quick death. A cold rage had been building inside of him as she told him her story, so intense that for now, it was pushing his deepest fears away, fears that he wasn’t ready to talk about, fears that he didn’t want to  _ ever  _ talk about, for if the answer to his question was what he feared most, he knew he would never recover from that. But before he can think of anything to say, she speaks again. 

“I asked myself the same question many times before, how am I supposed to live with myself? How am I supposed to do it when I took the lives of everyone I ever loved?” Her eyes stare at him, an unwavering strength that catches by surprise burning bright in them, and the resolution that sounds amidst the pain causes admiration to spread through him. “I am the reason why they are all dead, but I am also the only one that can carry their memories and pass them on, and while I hate admitting this and part of me might always fight this, I know that they would not want me to give up.” She pauses for a moment, her gaze shifting to the floor for a few moments as she continues talking, and this time, her voice is soft again, that tone that seems to always make him feel calm no matter what, the tone that makes his rage fade away as if it never existed. “This is something I will have to carry for the rest of my days, something that I can never take back, but even in death, their love for me gives me strength, and even as my sister was dying, I could see the intensity of her love, just as I could feel the love that your father felt for his boy.” 

She doesn’t say anything else, somehow, she always seemed to know when she needed to speak and when she needed to give him time or space, probably due to her abilities, he had come to realise, but still something that he was glad for. Allowing his body to relax, he moves his hand towards hers, having learned some days ago that physical contact with her could be either grounding or… intense, just like her voice or her scent, but after this, after learning about her story, the effect had somehow become much deeper. 

“It’s hard, much harder than I could have ever imagined.” His raspy voice sounds tired, and after all, that’s exactly how he feels, tired and exhausted of feeling this way, tired of not being able to sleep at night without seeing his father or them, of not being able to enjoy the warmth of her embrace without flinching in a sudden moment of panic. 

“I know, I know… but…” when she moves her free hand to his cheek and cups his face, he closes his eyes and leans into the touch in a reflex, and when her words reach his ears, his heart aches for very different reasons than before. “Don’t we deserve another chance?” 

Opening his eyes, he stares at her, once again looking for the answer to his unasked question, a question that he will never be brave enough to put into words, a question that might destroy him and an answer that he both craves and fears. A heavy weight settles on the pit of his stomach, sowing tendrils of doubts that easily spread through him. He wants another chance more than anything, a chance at happiness with her, a chance to forgive himself, a chance to heal for what they did to him, a chance to mend his broken heart, but he isn’t a fool, and he knows that wanting something, that trying as hard as he might will not assure the results that he hopes for. 

For a fleeting moment, while she was laying in that bed, he dreamed of the life they could have together, of what it would be like to hold and be held by someone to whom you are the world. But dreams are just dreams, he thought next. Moving his hand until it rests on top of hers, he forced the dark memories away and focused on the present and on the beautiful eyes that look at him full of hope and affection. His heart reacts against his will at the view, the emotions that he sees in her, so true and real, expanding through him. After what had happened the day she woke up, after the moment they just shared, he knows that he can’t turn around anymore, he knows that his heart doesn’t wish to belong to him alone no more, and while doubts and fear still claw at him, a small ray of made of hopes and dreams proves to be stronger than the rest, if not for him, perhaps for her.

“I do not know if I deserve another chance, but… I wish to try.” 

He watches her nod before almost launching herself forward, with quick reflexes, he catches her and holds her without any issue. His arms lock around her, part of him surprised at how quickly he has become familiar with her body as he feels her shape against him. While they hadn’t laid together, they had started to sleep in the same bed, and he could not deny that the desire to finally take it all the way was becoming greater with each passing day. With a familiarity that still baffles him, he tilts his head and captures her lips with ease. As usual, she responds with eagerness to his affections, and while he can not be certain of it, he is mostly sure that not even her can believe the way his attitude has changed, being entirely honest with himself, neither can he. But when he is next to her, the casual touches, the intimate kisses, they all become natural and simple, something as normal as breathing.

But then, his fears start to creep through his mind, something that Xiana feels straight away by the way she parts her soft lips from him, body becoming taut and eyes boring into him with deep concern in them. He avoids her gaze, feeling almost dirty at the prospect of keeping his thoughts from her, especially when she has just opened up to him in such a vulnerable way, yet unable to act in a different manner, at least not now. He sees her lips turning into a firm line for a split second, and guilt grips at him when he sees a flash of hurt crossing her features, but just like that, she sighs before offering him a smile, a smile that, despite everything else, brims with patience and… affection. He knows that  _ affection _ is not even close to what it truly is, but he can not name what that “affection” truly is, not because he doesn’t know it, but because he can’t bring himself to even think of it, the thought so unreal, so mythical that even thinking so feels like an unnecessary risk, a foolish way of tempting fate into destroying the little haven they have created.

With that smile, he knows that she is dropping the subject, at least for now, and while they get on their feet and start to tidy the kitchen, Alucard feels luckier than he ever did before. He knows he does not deserve her patience nor her affection, especially when he seems to create obstacle after obstacle, almost as if self-sabotage is the only way he knows, but one way or another, even as the poisonous weight of doubts settles in his heart, he is acutely aware of the fact that now, unless she wishes to leave his side, he won’t let go of her come what may. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment if you enjoyed (or hated lmao) the chapter! I always love to hearing about your thoughts if you want to share them :D


	8. Chapter 8

A storm was brewing again, and as you gaze out of the window, observing the dark clouds rolling in, you smile to yourself thinking of the perfect plan for a night such as this. Alucard had left early on to the Belmont Keep, something about working on rebuilding the place, apparently. You had spent the day doing more research on what you are as well as practicing your skills, or attempting to, at the very least. 

While before you always thought you were simply good at reading others, today you had sat down with Cezar and concentrated on reading and separating his different emotions. In the past, you always had a general sense of what others were feeling, but now you found that as you focused more on the individuality of each, the effects these were causing on you were becoming greater, but after hours of practicing, which resulted in the greatest headache of your life, you decided it was time for something else, and that is how you found yourself searching through the cellar and rummaging through your bag full of herbs. Soon, you had gathered all the ingredients for your little drink, and after successfully brewing it, you bottled it up on some of the empty bottles that were scattered across the floor and made your way to the bathing room. 

After all, there is nothing better than a delightfully hot bath and alcohol with the sound of thunder roaring outside. And so, here you are, swimming across the pool with an already almost empty bottle of queimada and your body feeling nothing but bliss. You allow yourself to drift along, your mind covered in a pleasant fog and the funny tingling sensation of magic over your skin. That was the best part about this drink, the magic that was infused in it affected the body and mind in quite a particular way, your mind wondered how it would affect Alucard, since you had never seen a vampire drinking that before. You had never seen him get even slightly tipsy with the wine he usually drank, which only served to increase your curiosity, however, when your mind starts to conjure images of him, you soon swim to the edge of the pool where Cezar is entertained biting a toy you made for him. 

“Cezar…” You start saying his name with a long, dramatical sigh, followed by a long pause as you let your mind wander free. “What am I supposed to do with Alucard?” 

You start to narrate your concerns, to speak with your loyal companion while he looks at you in a way that reassures that yes, he is listening to you. You can’t guarantee that your words are nothing but gibberish, but your drunken mind can’t articulate any complex thoughts at the moment, which doesn’t really change the fact that you feel the incessant urge to rant about your feelings. If you are lucky you won’t remember any of it in the morning, your drunken persona being one that doesn’t particularly shine for it’s grace and elegance. So you keep on talking the loose but honest thoughts that your mouth spouts without any resemblance of control from you. 

Another sigh, then a groan, then a sigh one more time. 

“Ah Cezar, why must everything be so complicated?” 

Then, a deep breath and you submerge under the water. You always enjoyed being under, which reflects on your capacity to hold your breath for a rather impressive amount of time, and then, just as you are happily relaxed, with your mind now empty and happy, something drags you to the surface without any sort of ceremony. Your brain scrambles to understand what is happening around you, what is holding you and keeping you afloat, and when your eyes fall on the dhampir that for some strange reason is fully clothed but also inside of the pool and staring at you, you can’t help but smile brightly and break in roaring laughter.

  
  


* * *

Alucard makes his way back from the Keep, his step slow and heavy. While his original objective had been to work on repairing it, he had somehow ended up reading more about empaths. Hard as he may try to keep his mind away from his dark thoughts, in the end it proves to be impossible. 

After reading more about empaths and how they need to be emotionally linked to others to survive, how they need not only mental but also physical intimacy as an intrinsic part of their being makes him think that one day, once Xiana has healed from the trauma of her life she won’t want him no more. She will see him for what he truly is. 

And when she does, she will walk away and leave him torn. 

The more he learned, the more this growing fear took a hold of him. Neither of them knows enough about this situation, but something that can not be denied is that she  _ needs _ to have a connection to him. The idea of what is starting to blossom between them is born from nothing but pure need of survival terrifies him, but he can’t bring himself to tell her. He is aware that she would understand, or at least that’s what he chooses to believe, but at the same time, he cowards at the idea that with putting his fears into words, he will poison this one chance, that he will bring her a step closer to see his true nature, the desperation in him, the constant pull that he feels towards her, almost close to a manic obsession, something that anyone sane would want nothing to do with. 

He is starved just like she was, but unlike her, his need won’t kill him, life won’t give him the kindness of that, no, instead he will creep closer to the edge of a bottomless pit he doesn’t want any part of. Perhaps the mere notion is ridiculous, perhaps he is worrying about nothing, but the truth is, no matter what he does, he can not deny the building darkness that such thoughts create. 

The ground underneath him shifts from earth that is starting to freeze with the cold of winter to gravel as he gets closer to the castle, and with that, the scent of putrefaction and decay starts to invade his nose. He stops in his tracks, his already dark expression darkening even further at the sight of the rotting corpses that still stand guard at his door. 

_ “This is your fault.”  _

His turbulent thoughts turn to scorching ire when the memory of them makes bile surge to his throat. That they still have this effect on him makes him feel ashamed, dirty and defiled.   
  
He growls at them, his voice, inhuman and filled with hatred.

“This is all your fault.” 

His hands close into fists, his lips curl into a snarl. He feels the power of dark magic flowing through his veins, asking him to defile their bodies even further, to rip them apart, to destroy them until there is not even a spec of their hideous existence left in the universe. 

But he won’t allow them to control him any further, he won’t allow their ghosts to turn him into the mindless beast that roars inside of him, that demands he rips their limbs with his bare hands, to maim their bodies until you can no longer tell they were once humans. 

No, he is above that, past them. Or at least, that’s what he tells himself as he wills his fury to reel in, as he closes his eyes and lets the cold spread through his body instead, to calm him down. After several minutes, his eyes open again, eyes that he knows shine red. 

_ “I won’t let you take anything else from me.”  _

Without sparing them a second glance he walks past them, and without bothering to even turn around to look at them, two pillars of Hellfire rise underneath him, quickly consuming them in the intensity of the flames, leaving just a pile of ashes that the wind silently swipes away. Still boiling with a mixture of feelings that he doesn’t want to think about, he finally steps into his castle, and as soon as he does this, the scent of burnt flesh is substituted with that of dust, mould, and above all else, her. 

As soon as her scent reaches him, he can feel his eyes turning back to his usual amber shade, his tense muscles relaxing a fraction, his rapid heartbeat slowing down to a steady rhythm, and the bile that was starting to rise to his throat fading away. His head tilts towards the source of it without him even realising, and then, when he starts to let her envelop him, he catches the scent of something else. 

Alcohol, herbs and, to his surprise, the unique scent of her magic mixed with the two. 

When she first arrived, he almost missed this due to the mixed scent of all the humans in his castle overpowering everything else, a strong scent of wild berries and wet earth emanating from her, a scent that somehow, had a slight, unnatural tone to it. Not long after he had learned that whenever she casted a spell or started to harbour power, the faint, yet natural scent of wild berries that always emanated from her turned into the peculiarly unnatural version of it, and right now, that scent was mixed with the blood running through her veins. 

Wondering why she would be using her magic this late at night, he hurries his step, tracking her down and soon finding himself on the corridor that leads to the bathing room, and then, coming to an abrupt stop when her voice reaches his ear. 

“What am I supposed to do with Alucard?” 

As soon as he hears her, he knows that she is drunk, very much so. Under different circumstances he would walk away and leave her with her privacy, specially knowing that she is not aware of his presence, but as he feels an unsettling sensation starting to grip at him and sending unwanted thoughts to his mind about how her next words will be ones that demolish him, he can not stop himself from moving closer until his hands rest on the door that divides them. 

She groans, and soon some ungodly sounds follow it. He wonders if they were meant to be words, and if that was the case, she was failing in a catastrophic fashion, but before he can think too much, her voice reverberates through the room again. 

“I really care for him, Cezar, I really, really do.” 

His heart starts to hammer against his chest at her words. 

“I feel so good when I’m with him, Cezar, and I feel so calm, so right.” 

A pause, and with it, he holds his breath. 

“But my heart hurts for him, he is so sad inside, so, so sad. I know I can not heal it, but at least I want to hold him right here forever, you know?” 

He hears her stirring in the water, and as he exhales the breath filling his lungs he has to refrain himself from stepping in there and let her hold him for as long as she desires. 

“But he is so confused… and his emotions keep changing and I feel bad for reading them but is not like I can stop it from happening when they are so loud and clear and then it confuses me and I know he hurts and I know he fears but is confusing and strange because I don’t think I ever felt like this before or met someone that feels the way he feels and I don’t know what to do with all of this because it makes me feel things that I never felt before and I just want to hold him and love him and make him feel good again and it all sounds so simple but in reality is so hard and and...” 

A long pause follows after she trails off, which doesn’t really surprise Alucard considering how she went on that rant without stopping to take a breath not even once. He awaits eagerly for a continuation, trying to ignore the part of her speech that his brain seems to be stuck in a loop at.    
  
_ “Just want to hold him and love him.”  _

The words keep repeating over and over in his mind, and he finds himself almost ashamed at the relief that starts to spread across him.

“Ah Cezar, why must everything be so complicated?” 

He barely registers the sound of her taking a deep breath and going under, his mind too busy telling him how her words can not be true, how they must be the talk of someone who is inebriated, just saying things that she doesn’t really mean, things that she can only say when any rational thought abandons her mind, for no rational mind woul- 

Wait. 

He listens closely, suddenly realising the time that has passed, realising that he hasn’t heard her come to the surface after going underwater. Before he can think, he opens the door so violently that is a miracle it’s still holding in place, and without a second thought, he jumps in the hot water, grabs her and hurriedly checks on her. She looks around, confused, but when her eyes fall on him and he realises that he just made a fool of himself he doesn’t have the opportunity to wallow on it, because when she smiles the brightest smile he has ever seen and laughs freely and without shame, he can’t bring himself to care about why she is laughing, and just that she is. 

* * *

“Alucard!” You throw your arms around his neck still laughing with joy. “I’ve missed you so much! I’m so happy that you are here… ah…” 

You sigh with content, enjoying the way his arms hold you, the way his body feels firm and just perfect against your own, and then… you start to giggle. 

“I’m so happy that you are back but… why didn’t you take off your clothes?” 

Grimacing and raising one of his eyebrows, you get another fit of giggles when he responds with dripping sarcasm.

“I simply could not wait to see you again.” 

“Really?” You smile again, so wide that your cheeks hurt, and then you bury your face against his neck as you rub it like an overly affectionate animal. You want to reply with something else to his comment, but your train of thought changes quickly with the warmth and wonderful smell that emanates from his skin. “Mmm… your skin is so nice, and it smells so good… I could do this forever.” 

Alucard clears his throat, and you giggle knowing without the need to look at him that his cheeks have turned slightly red. 

“If you are going to make a habit of getting drunk, I would appreciate it if you refrain yourself from doing so here.” 

His words don’t make much sense to you, and either way, that was  _ not _ what you were thinking about, so of course you laugh and correct his silly error, too drunk to realise that he was simply trying to take the conversation to different grounds.

“Not that, you idiot, I mean staying like this with you.” 

“Oh, I see.” He clears his throat again, your eyes still closed as you enjoy being held on his arms. “We should get out, get you in bed.” 

Your eyes snap open, your face morphing into a big pout as you move enough to look at him. 

“What? No! It’s really nice in here, I don’t want to get out.” 

“Xiana-”    
  
“No.” You frown, the simple thought of exiting the bath being deeply unpleasant right now, and just as quickly as the frown appeared, it vanishes to give room to a smile once again. “You should just take off your clothes and stay here with me for a little bit longer.” 

“I don’t thi-” 

“Please!” You give him the best puppy eyes you can manage, which apparently, are extremely effective as his face turns into one of acceptance and defeat soon after. You make a little victory noise when he murmurs “fine” with a falsely annoyed tone, but when he lets go of you and heads out, you stop him right there. “Wait where are you going?” 

He gives you a quizzical look, your mind almost getting lost on the drops of water that hang from his lashes. 

“I’m taking off my clothes.” 

You hum in response, closing the distance between the two and gently pushing him against the wall of the pool. 

“Let me help you so you don’t need to get out.” 

A simple “oh” is all he can manage in response, but when you chuckle as you make him raise his arms to take off his shirt, he does not resist in any shape or form. To not laugh proves to be an effort as you see his cheeks turn red again. You unceremoniously throw the wet shirt to the floor, ignoring the noise it makes as it hits the floor and more busy being fascinated at the beauty of the dhampir that patiently waits with his arms resting on the edge for you to make your next move, the one that makes you feel whole with just the way he looks at you. 

“You are so beautiful.” 

His gaze moves aside for a second before returning to yours, his voice sounding low, shy and deliciously intimate. 

“Not many people can leave me speechless, but I truly don’t know how to respond when you say such things.” 

Your chuckles die in your throat, turning instead to a soft smile as you lift one of his legs and then the other to take his boots off. 

“You don’t need to say anything, you can just enjoy it.” 

After removing them and throwing them next to his shirt, you stop for a moment to look at him. His gaze won’t leave your own, your eyes fall to his half open lips almost begging you to kiss them, and just like that, the urge to close the distance between the two increases. With your mind being practically out of commission and only being able to listen to your body's wishes, you swim to his side with deliberate slow motions, making sure you don’t break eye contact at any time. His amber eyes remain fixated on you, your senses suddenly more aware of his body’s responses, like the way his lips open slightly more in anticipation, or the way his breathing changes the closer you get. 

When you are in front of him, you place your hands on his abdomen, eyes still fixed on his own while you commence to undo his breeches. On the corner of your eyes, you see his hands - still holding to the edge - clenching against the rock, his muscles flexing involuntarily at the ministrations of your fingers. When you have finally undone the buttons, you press your chest against his own, your lips just a mere inch from his as you slowly pull the final piece of clothing down. 

You move even closer, and just when he starts to close his eyes in anticipation of the kiss that he can already taste, you move down along with your hands. You wait for his gaze to be back on you before you finally press your lips against his chest, leaving a trail of hot kisses while you keep on pulling the breeches down. Once your lips make contact with his skin, Alucard is able to keep his eyes open for a whole second before letting his head fall back while a pleasant shiver travels through his whole body. You smile, satisfied with his reaction, you finally pull off the garment, throwing it with the rest of the pile and returning your full attention to him. 

Once you wrap your arms around his neck and press your naked body flush against his own, his arms finally move from the edge of the pool to your hips. You revel at his slender fingers gently applying pressure on your flesh, at the way he looks at you through heavy lidded eyes, or the way his chest rises heavily against your own. When you finally capture his lips you feel yourself almost melting at the groan that reverberates through his throat. His tongue enters your mouth, and for a split second you wonder if he can taste the queimada that you were drinking before, the thought is quickly swept away when one of his hands moves shyly from your hip up to your side until it finally finds its place on the side of your neck.

You end the kiss by pulling his lower lip between your teeth and look at his face one more time. You find a delightful blush covering his cheeks, his lips slightly red and his eyes full of desire. 

“Alucard…” He listens attentively to what you want to say. “Is it true that vampires like doing it upside down?” 

Silence stretches across the room, you stare at him, curious and deadly serious, awaiting for his answer. The hand on your neck drops to your side and he looks at you, completely dumbfounded. 

“...What?” 

“Well? Is it true?” 

He keeps staring at you. More silence follows. While you await for an answer, your mind drifts away, and then, another question pops into your head, followed by another, and another, and another. You finally gasp at your own questions, feeling like you just made the biggest breakthrough on how to get laid with a vampire, or a dhampir, you suppose. 

“We should do it in a coffin! Maybe that would make you feel more comfortable!” 

Alucard’s hand moves towards his face, fingers pressing the bridge of his nose like if an incipient headache was starting to brew. 

“Oh Lord, strike me down, please.” 

You frown, suddenly aware that he feels completely and irrevocably  _ done _ , and you wonder what could have possibly changed his mood like this. You place your hand on his chest as worry floods you. 

“What’s wrong?” 

The look he gives you screams something along the lines of  _ I can’t believe this is really happening.  _

“What is wrong is that you have drank way too much and it is time for you to sleep.” 

He makes a move to get you out of the pool, and in response, you push yourself away from him, submerging your head until only the frown that you are directing at him is visible. 

“I can’t believe I am relating to Sypha right now…” 

You are not sure of what he means with that, but he groans deeply when he moves in your direction and you stir further back. You hear him mumble something about a certain Trevor along some more words you can’t quite hear, and then, just like that, you squeal as he appears next to you, too fast for you to dodge. Your first reaction is to complain, to call him a cheater for using his vampire speed, but as soon as you feel his arms around you and the scent of elderflower hits you one more time, all thought of resistance disappears with the distraction. 

“It’s not fair…” You pout and whine the words, he sighs with relief when you don’t fight him, allowing him to carry you away. “It’s cold out of the water.” 

Another tired sigh, but this time, you can hear a hint of amusement in his voice. 

“Do not fret, I vow to keep you warm if that makes you come in peace.” 

Your pout intensifies with your head resting on his shoulder, still doubtful about it. 

“You promise?” 

“Yes, I promise.” 

He chuckles, and the sound of it makes you happy. Finally, you relax in his arms and start to doze off, almost not noticing when you are out of the water and wrapped in a nice, soft towel. You hum in satisfaction, managing to mumble a low “you are so nice…” at his ministrations, your mind feeling silent and satisfied for the first time in a long while. Soon, you feel the familiar touch of the bed sheets caressing your skin and the soft pillow resting under your head. Lazily opening your eyes, you watch Alucard moving around, and when you notice he is heading out, you sit on the bed and offer him a confused glance. 

“Where are you going?” 

Turning around to face you - still fully naked, you notice - he raises an eyebrow in what seems to be annoyance mixed with affection. 

“Someone has to collect the clothes left in there, and seeing as only you and I live in this castle and you are deeply inebriated, that someone happens to be me.” 

Now that the alcohol’s effect is slightly lesser, you have the decency to give him an apologetic smile. 

“I hate to ask... But maybe you can do it quickly? I really feel like I need you here tonight.” 

For less than a heartbeat, you see his face darkening before returning to his usual expression, a small smile painting his features, but a smile that you think doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Of course, I’ll be back soon.” 

He wasn’t joking, mere seconds later he is back, and while worry for what lies in his heart remains at the back of your mind, you feel a surge of amusement starting to bubble inside of you. 

“You are an absolute showoff, you know that?” 

“I am but humbly following the wishes of my witch, I shall not enjoy her hexing me for taking too long.” 

You snort and throw a pillow at him, of course, he catches it, however, at the same time of your throw, the storm outside finally starts to break, and a resounding thunder roars through the night. Smiling at the perfect timing of this, you say. 

“Maybe I should just strike you with lighting instead.” 

“I wish you had done so before…” He mumbles this under his breath, so low that you can’t actually hear what he said, so just in case, you squint at him. 

He laughs at your actions, and that right there, was exactly what you were looking for. The easy smile that adorns his lips would make you feel at peace if it weren’t for the constant undercurrent of insecurities that you keep picking up from him. When he finally joins you in bed you both lay on your sides, face to face, reaching out with your fingers, you trace the elegant features that form his face, your eyes following your own movement, silently taking it all in. If you were sober, you would not utter the words that you say next, you would respect his desire to not talk, to keep things to himself, to wait for the time that feels right to him, but alas, you are not.

“You need to talk to me, Alucard, you need to share what weighs you.” 

You speak softly, wishing that he feels comfortable with you, safe. Guilt makes an appearance in his eyes, your fingers moving down, tracing some of the scars that mark the front of his body until it finally rests above his heart. He closes his eyes, his hand moving to rest on top of your own. 

“You are concerned about what I am, about what that means for my feelings for you, if they are real or not.” 

He flinches at your words, frowning as if you had stricken him with each one of them. He shifts in the bed, and you let him. Cradling your head under his chin, he holds you tight. His body is tense, and waves of guilt, fear and pain keep washing over you, waves that as soon as you place your hand on his back caressing it, holding him, start to recede. 

“Tomorrow, please.” 

The way in which his voice breaks at such simple words, make your heart reach out to him, make you want to soothe his pain. If it weren’t for the way in which you feel him relax at your touch, the way in which you can tell your presence also comforts him, you would have this conversation here and now, but when he feels so fragile as he holds you, when you can tell he is silently begging you for a night in which he can simply remain this way, you can not deny him this. 

“Tomorrow.” You say. 

For the rest of the time in which you are awake, your mind still blurry with the effects of alcohol and magic, you continue to caress his body, now also humming a song along with it. Soon, you feel yourself drifting into sleep, and just before you finally slip away, you murmur words that you won’t remember come morning. 

“I love you, Alucard.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would say I'm sorry for this chapter but I would be lying... LMFAO. 
> 
> If you feel like commenting, know that it always makes my day! <3<3


	9. Chapter 9

Rays of sunlight filter through the trees while you walk through the forest with Alucard hand in hand. That morning you had woken up with a steaming cup of herbal tea, tea that as soon as you tasted knew it contained certain herbs to help with any headaches, surprised, you had asked him about this, and then learned that he had studied a few things under his mother’s eye. After that, you got dressed without much talking besides him asking you how are you feeling and more simple small talk, however, the weight of the pending conversation was hanging in the air. 

And so here you are, walking silently with one basket each as you collect rose hips. 

The air is crisp at this time of the morning, the rain from the previous night having turned into the first frost of the year. You close the heavy tunic that hangs from your shoulders even more, your breath forming clouds as you both move, the ice cracking with a nice tune under your feet. Now that your mind was completely clear you had a more defined idea of how you wanted to approach the conversation ahead, and that started with a peaceful, quiet walk to give him the opportunity to sort his own thoughts out. 

You reach the creek that runs with crystalline water, observing the small fish swimming under the thin layer of ice that has formed at the top, your gaze travels through the landscape that surrounds you, and when your eyes fall upon a bush full of rosehip you yelp with delight, letting go of Alucard’s hand and rushing to it as you start to collect the red berries, your mind drifting for a moment towards the jams, teas and pies that you can make with them. He chuckles at your enthusiasm, and while you continue on plucking the berries, you offer him a smile before returning to your task. It makes you happy, you think, how he can still smile and genuinely laugh even when you feel the dull taste of anxiety that emanates from him pressing against your skin. 

“Xiana.” Turning around you see him standing at some distance, his eyes holding your gaze for a moment before dropping to the grass. “I suppose we should stop avoiding… this.” He says gesturing between the both of you. 

You straighten yourself, nerves pooling in your stomach, your heart jumping on the slightest. Your gaze falls on a large rock laying a few feet away right under the sunlight, the warm rays having melted the thin layer of frost on it a while ago, and without the need to test it first, you knew it would be warm and dry. You walk to it, setting the basket on the floor next to it before laying back on the rock and stretching out like a cat. You close your eyes and enjoy the sun in your skin, listening to the pleasant crunch that originates from Alucard’s steps as he comes to sit next to you. Laying there in silence for just one minute, you start to gather yourself, nervous at how this might end, but knowing is something that needs to happen. 

“Yes, we should.” 

Sitting up with your eyes still closed, your face tilted towards the sun, and taking a deep breath, you finally open your eyes and turn to face him. You have to force yourself to not get caught up on the sight right in front of you. The way in which the light reflects on his pale skin makes him look like some of the ethereal spirits that roamed through your forest, his hair glistening in the sun like the most delicate threads of gold, threads that you know the softness of. And his lashes, those ridiculously long lashes that you had gotten used to feeling brushing against your cheek whenever you kiss, so beautiful in the sun. Without the ability to control yourself, you lift your hand until it’s cupping his cheek, your mind lost in his beauty. 

“So beautiful.” 

He closes his eyes at the touch, a pained expression forming in his features and his soul before speaking, your mind jumping in alert straight away. 

“Xiana, please.” 

You remove your hand, trying to ignore the sting that his tone of voice causes in your chest. 

“Right, I’m sorry.” 

His only answer is a stiff nod, and with that, you feel your heart drop for just a second. 

“I don’t trust you, Xiana.” His voice is tense and filled with pain, forcing you to refrain yourself from reaching out to him, but you mustn't, you must let him talk, even if you feel your rising dread mixing with the worry. “I don’t know how else to say this, I wish for nothing but believing your words, but I can not find it within myself to do so with honesty.” 

It hurts. You knew something like this was coming, but you were not expecting how deeply his words would cut. You don’t blame him, you couldn’t even if you wanted to, but the hurt won’t go away because you get it. You avert your face when you feel tears pricking at your eyes, you close them as tightly as you can, you can’t let them flow, you won’t. You hear the rustle of his clothes, and while you do not dare open your eyes, you can see clearly in your mind his fingers twitching while he fights the urge to touch you, and that is what gives you the strength to compose yourself. You won’t let this turn into nothing, not if you can help it. So you rub your eyes, pushing back the unshed tears and straighten once more, ready to face what you feared most. 

“Is it because of what I am?” 

“Yes.” 

You clench your teeth, your jaw going rigid with the strength of it. You can’t pretend you didn’t see this coming, not when these are doubts that you have also felt, but didn’t dare facing. 

“The doubts taint everything we do, and I can’t, I can’t-” He stops himself, his hand moving to his eyes as this time, he seems to be the one fighting the tears. You feel the agony that emanates from him, how this is killing him just as much as you. “How will I ever know if this is real? Know if you love me the way I love you and is not but a product of your needs? Of your abilities forcing you into something so you won’t wither and die?” 

You feel your heart coming to a sudden stop. _If you love me the way I love you._ And then, your heart is galloping in your chest like wild horses. You try to not let this overcome you, especially since you are almost sure not even he is aware of what he just said, thanking the spirits for the fact that Alucard will think your speeding heart is born from the intensity of the conversation and not those specific words. You force the knot in your throat to go down, gulping time after time until it’s almost gone, but not fully, no, that proves to be impossible. 

“I understand, and… I’ve had similar doubts.” With that, his eyes snap back to you, surprise clear in his features before being quickly replaced with a sad smile that tells you that his thoughts are of someone who has already accepted this life, too good to be true, had come to an end. 

“So it's true.” 

“That’s not what I said.” You take a deep breath and offer him a tired smile of your own, you can feel sadness tinting it, part of your thoughts wondering if this will be the end of you two. You sigh, so, so exhausted, but with so much more yet to come, with no time for a break, not now, not in this moment. “How could I not have doubts, Alucard? When I learn that I will be as good as dead without some type of connection? When you are the only person around, when you are the one who saved my life? Of course I doubt myself. Do you think I buried myself in research for nothing? I have lived all my years like this, and I never needed to know any more, and I am damn sure that I won’t need to know more in the future, but I wanted answers too, and you know what? I found nothing.” 

You pause and close your eyes when your voice raises with every word, your emotions, and his, once again starting to get the better of you. You are angry, you are furious, you thought you had left this rage behind you, but as you feel the magic rushing through your veins, sharp thorns cracking the surface of the rock you sit on, you learn it was never truly gone, instead it was prowling in the shadows, waiting for the moment to strike again.

But you can’t let it, not when the source of your anger isn’t him, but the world and what led you here. Even if your anger, so sudden and violent makes you want to strike at anything at all, you won’t allow it. You close your fists, and when a thorn pricks your skin, the unexpected pain slams you back into reality, and though the anger doesn’t fade, it turns into a flame that burns brighter than the sun shining above your heads. 

“You worry that one day I will realise this is nothing but a sick infatuation caused by my abilities? That then everything will shatter and I will just walk away, feeling sorry for the hurt I caused you, but knowing I can not be with someone I do not truly love? Oh, so did I, trust me. I asked myself all the same questions, and the truth is, all the questions can get fucked.” If you could puff smoke, you are sure you would be doing it right now, but whatever you are saying, or perhaps the way you are saying it must be reaching out to him in some way, because you can feel the fire in your soul lighting hope within him. “I have met many people through my travels, others that helped me too, and all of them pale in comparison to you. None of them burns as bright as you do, none of them took my breath away with just their presence, none of them made me feel like life was perhaps worth it, if only for meeting you, none of them made me feel like I could die happy if their face was the last thing I would see. And I am sure as hell that none of them made me feel like I would rather tear my own heart off my chest than seeing someone so precious hurting ever again.” Burying your fingers in his hair, you turn them into a fist and pull him closer til your foreheads touch, his whole body almost frozen at your outburst. “Don’t you ever think that I can’t tell the difference. I grew up surrounded by love, I have fed on it, breathed it, have it pumping through my blood, and in the end, it’s not even close to this. So please, believe me when I say I love you.” 

Now out of control, you close the remaining distance and claim his lips in a kiss that is closer to devouring than anything else, his body frozen like the morning dew in winter, and somehow, not knowing exactly how, you slam down the door to his heart and pour all your emotions in them. 

All the good. 

All the ugly. 

Everything that makes you, _you_ , bare for him to see. 

Adrenaline rushes through you, you don’t know how he will react, and you know how terribly reckless this is, but you can not bring yourself to care, all that you know is that you don’t want to lose him, and this, this desperate attempt is the only method your mind can conjure, the last lifeline you found yourself clinging too. You don’t expect him to believe your words alone, but perhaps this, _this_ will make a difference. 

And then, in one simple, blissful moment, his lips that had remained immobile return the ferocity of yours. Something inside of you breaks free, a deep, wild scream of joy resonating inside of you when his arms envelop you so tight that you could break in half. But he knows his strength, and you can no longer imagine a world in which you can feel nothing but safe when you are entwined within them. Your heart hammers within your chest, and when he abruptly ends the kiss, his chest going up and down at a broken rhythm, you have to fight everything in you to not bring him right back to you. 

“What is this.” Speaking between breaths, you look at his amber gaze and notice the blown up pupils. Do yours look the same? You think they do. 

“I don’t know, I just wanted you to feel what I feel.” 

Still having difficulty breathing, he clutches his chest, looking down for a moment before looking back at you. 

“This is you?” 

You nod. You bite your lip. You wait. 

After seconds that feel like decades, he looks at you. 

“How do you deal with this?” 

His question, asked with such shock and sincerity makes you laugh, wide and loud. 

“I don’t deal with this on the daily, it just happened now.” 

You laugh again, euphoric for a reason that you can’t really comprehend, but he laughs too, and that feeds your laughter even more. Are you both losing your minds? Even more than usual? Because it sure feels like that’s the case. But if it is, do you really care? No, the answer is no. You keep on laughing, and then, in just a moment your eyes lock one more time, and suddenly, you find yourself lost in a quiet place that has nothing but him. 

“I love you.” 

Your words leave your lips before you can even properly think them, and you don’t give a damn, not when you mean it with every part of your being. You had never felt such peace before, so _right,_ but you knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that this was your truth. You place your hand on his chest, and again, you press your forehead to his. 

“I love you.” You repeat. “I love you.” And again. “I love you.” And again.

Tears start to form in his eyes, and the most intense relief you have felt emerges from within him. 

“I can _feel_ it.” His voice, choked with his sob barely manages to take the words out. 

Once again, his arms are around you, and yours, grap around him in return. You hold him as he cries, and soon, you feel your own tears joining him. He cries all his fear, all his worry, his pain, his relief. He cries it all, and perhaps, he will cry it again. You keep holding, and he keeps clutching. Whatever this emotional trip is, is one that makes you shake in it’s intensity, one that rakes your body and leaves you shore, but one that you wouldn’t change, one that you know you both need. Not sure of when it exactly happened, you feel your magic pushing, wanting to be free, wanting to act _somehow_ , and even if you don’t understand it or you never experienced this before, you know that you can trust it, so you let it free, as it begs you to. 

And as soon as you do, the grass around the rock starts to grow, to weave with one another in it’s way, it moves up the rock, and soon, it starts to grow around you, and grow, and grow, and grow, until it forms a beautiful cocoon that surrounds you both. Sun filters through it, a soft green light covering you both, making you feel safe, protected. One of the leaves growing inside reach towards you, and when it finally touches your cheek in the softest caress you ever experienced, you feel a familiarity so intense for just one moment that it almost leaves you goozy. 

A different leaf moves towards Alucard, and when it makes contact with his skin, he takes a sharp breath and his eyes snap open, looking around and realising where you both are. 

“Xiana?” 

“I’m just letting it happen, I really don’t know.” 

His fingers brush the spot the leaf touched, and a small smile appears in his lips. With that gentleness that only he is capable of, he touches the leaf with his hand and deposits a kiss on it, murmuring something that you can’t hear, but somehow, makes you feel at peace. You think of saying so, but again, somehow, you know that you don’t need to. Whatever this is, you know deep down that it was meant for him, and whatever this was, he knows what it meant. Perhaps later it wouldn’t make any sense at all, even right now it started to feel confusing if you tried to find reason in it. This moment was not one for the mind, but one for the heart and that alone. 

Nothing but your souls, bare and vulnerable. 

Your hands reach for one another, your movement almost like that of a mirror as you both cup each other's face, as you both lean into the others touch in near perfect synchrony. Your hands, moving to the backs of the other’s neck, pulling you closer, tilting your heads, and lips meeting once again. But this time, when they finally reach their destination, it feels like never before. 

Your hearts beat together, your eyes close at the same time, and somewhere within you, a thin link with the potential to become bright and unbreakable forms between the two of you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I was planning something very different when I started to write this, but well shit, it took a complete different direction and it didn't care about my opinion jlkfdsjkfdslkj
> 
> Anyway, again, hope you enjoyed it guys! <3


	10. Chapter 10

You don’t know how long has passed, perhaps it’s been hours, perhaps it’s been minutes, all around you, everything is him. Many times you found yourself lost in his eyes, gentle touches encompassing your bodies as you remain there under the influence of whatever this is, and if you are being truthful, you don’t care about the passing of time for as long as you can feel this way. 

At some point you are aware of the cocoon that surrounds you commencing to retreat, of sunlight, more intense this time, caressing your skin once again. The more the magic that pumps through your veins quiets down, the more you two seem to regain your senses, and with it, your heart starts to beat faster, your lungs filling with as much air as they can manage. One would think that you had been running for miles, yet, you are fairly sure that you didn’t move from here at any given time. Refusing to get lost in the details, you return your focus to Alucard, who seems to be going through the same stages as you.

And then, in just a second, everything is silent. 

You stare at each other, your brain trying to come up with something to say, to something that resembles an explanation in any shape or form, and after scrambling your mind for anything at all, you manage to muster some words.

“Wow.” 

You failed, clearly, try as you might, that’s all your mouth can form, and seeing the smile that starts to curl Alucard’s lips, you think nothing else is necessary. 

“Yeah.” 

It’s all he can say in response. Now, is your turn to feel the smile tugging at your lips at his equally pitiful attempt at forming a coherent sentence.

“That was…” 

You try again, and of course, one more time, it’s for naught. 

“...something.” 

His attempt at helping making sense of this experience threatens the laugh that you can feel in your chest from bursting free. You continue to stare at each other, your smiles becoming wider by the moment the longer you hold one another’s gaze, until in the end, you can hold it no more. You laugh so hard that your whole body bends forward, your hand clutching his arm as you try to find some balance, along with your head falling against his shoulder as laughter shakes your whole body. He laughs too, that beautiful sound that fills your soul like nothing else, joy expands through your veins with it, with the sensation of his hands on you, of his body also shaking with the fits of laughter that keep sneaking on you both. You keep on going, so much in fact that you end up laying on the rock once even sitting up, clutching each other’s clothes proves to be too much of an effort. 

After some minutes and some shaky breaths as you recover from the merciless, unexpected laughter assault, you both move to dry the tears that rest in your eyes. 

“Ah, we have a way with words, don’t you think?” You can barely speak, the sides of your torso aching as do your cheeks, cheeks which you start to mindlessly massage while you still get small bursts of sudden chuckles. 

“All the lessons I received on diction and poise finally paid off, I’m sure my mother would be proud of how flawlessly I elaborated my thoughts on the subject.” 

“Oh, you mean that all the unnecessary gibberish doesn’t come with being part vampire?” You playfully nudge at his side as you say these words, offering him a wink along with it. 

“It most definitely does not.” His voice is humorous, with an easy smile hanging from his lips as he continues talking, a smile that you could easily glance at for the rest of your life. “We go through rigorous training since we are young, how else are we going to lord over the masses and fulfill our better than God complex?” 

You snort and slap his chest, a broad smile painted in your features. 

“The way you said it makes it sound like it was your mother who taught you, though.”

“Oh, she was. She didn’t care much about etiquette, her reasoning to teach me the way of words was, and I quote: Adrian, you need to learn the use of words, being able to verbally smack people down is a powerful weapon.” 

“She did not!” You burst in laughter once again, this time mixed with whimpers as the pain in your cheeks returns with a vengeance. 

He laughs quietly, and his smile transforms into a soft, fond look. 

“She was something else, my father used to tell her she was the most stubborn, impudent woman to ever walk this Earth.” You see him glancing at you in the corner of your eyes before returning his to the blue sky above. “I wonder if he would have changed his mind if he ever got to meet you.” 

“Oh please, I am not that terrible.” You say with a fake frown. 

This time he is the one to snort. 

“I’m not so sure about that.” 

You try to hide the smile and appear offended at his words. 

“Oh c’mon! I was perfectly polite with you!” 

“For a whole twenty minutes, perhaps.” You scoff, and once again, slap him playfully. He rubs the attacked area and laughs. “One of these days you are going to bruise me, woman.” 

“One of these days I’m gonna do a lot more than that.” You retort with a chuckle. 

“I have no doubts you will.” 

With that, the conversation dies down and you lie back on the rock, enjoying the sunlight as you repeat the exchange in your head with amused thoughts, and then, it’s when you realise something that you had missed in the moment. 

“Alucard?” 

“Yes?” 

“Before you said Adrian.” 

“Oh.” He pauses for a moment, his brows furrowing as he goes deep in thought. Your hand moves until it finds his own, an instinctive action on your side, something that he seems to be thankful for as he allows his fingers to interlock with yours and gives you a gentle squeeze. “Adrian is the name my mother gave me.” 

Your brows move into a knot, uneasy at the tang of sadness that you feel in him, not even realising your body inching closer as you speak. 

“What happened? Why do you go by Alucard now?” 

“My mother’s people named me that, the opposite of my father, and later on, the one that would protect them from him.” He pauses for a moment, and you wait in silence for him, quietly offering him the comfort of your presence. “She hated that name, hated the idea that my life would be defined by my father, and in the end I chose to embrace it, to take it as my own and stop him as a way to honour her.” 

You say nothing, knowing that there are no words that you can say right now. You feel the guilt and sorrow, but it does not concern you, the intensity of his emotions are something that you know are to be expected, no longer the raw energy tearing at his soul, but a silent current that only acceptance would heal, the kind of acceptance that could only come with time. After long minutes of silence, you hear him taking the type of breath that you take before speaking, and sure enough, his lips move as he utters a simple, yet meaningful question. 

“Xiana, will you call me Adrian from now on?” 

You smile, understanding, almost proud at this small step. 

“Of course I will.” 

He nods at you, a quiet thank you escaping his lips before returning his attention to the sky that is slowly turning to shades of pink, and almost as if your stomach could see the sky and become suddenly aware of the pass of time, the blasted thing decides to unceremoniously growl in protest. Loudly. By the corner of your eye, you see Aluc-, no, Adrian fighting the smile forming on his face. 

“Perhaps we should go back before that beast gets any closer, it can get dangerous at night.” 

Shaking your head as you sit up, you give an exasperated sigh as you fight a smile of your own. 

“You are terrible.” 

“As someone said before, oh please, I am not that terrible.” 

You get off the rock and throw him a dirty look, you pick the basket that still waits there and continue your little game. 

“Let’s go before I give you that bruising you were talking about.” 

“As you wish.” He says with a chuckle. 

Taking his arm in an action that has become a habit, you make your way back to the castle, going past the patches of burnt earth where the corpses used to be and head to the kitchen. Earlier in the day you had noticed them on your way out, silently making a mental note to bring this up at a later time, however, not today. 

Once in the kitchen, you set the berries aside and move to the pantry to see what you have available, soon deciding to make something quick before your famished stomach decides to make its displeasure be known one more time. Food is quickly made, and after yesterday’s drinking night, you decided to go with a nice cup of tea made with the berries you picked today instead of some of the wine that Adrian usually drinks, which, as you finish the meal and take a sip of your drink, makes you wonder something. 

“Can you even get drunk?” 

“Care to elaborate?” 

“You always drink at night, and I have never seen you even close to tipsy, are you actually capable of getting drunk?” 

He swirls the wine in his glass, lost in thought, maybe trying to remember if he ever felt close to it. 

“Not as far as I can remember, and trust me, there’s someone who tried really hard.”

“Oh? I sense a story here.” 

He chuckles and points to one of the dolls that stay on the opposite side of the room. 

“After everything that happened here, Trevor headed to the cellar and ransacked through the whole thing. Somehow he managed to get me into it and insisted on making it a competition.” A smile that can’t be described as anything but diabolical he continues. “I already knew that my tolerance is higher than humans, a fact that I don’t think he was aware of. We drank for hours, and by the time he was taking off his clothes and jumping into the pool I was still completely sober.” 

“Wait wait wait wait. He jumped in _the_ pool?” 

“Yes, and I must say I was mighty impressed with -if you ever meet him, do not, under any circumstance, let him know I was impressed even for a second- how he was still capable of removing his clothes and walking at the same time, a surprisingly complex task considering the state he was in. Once he jumped in he passed out, well, he was still capable of making some sounds, but nothing anyone could ever understand, after a while, he almost drowned and Sypha had to extract the water from his lungs.” 

“No way!” You exclaim as you start to laugh. 

“Once he woke up he was mighty confused on why Sypha was beating him up.” He sighs in delight, leaning back on his chest with a satisfied smile. “That was one of the best days of my life.” 

You laugh until realisation hits you, stopping for a second before exploding in laughter once again. 

“Is that why you jumped in the pool last night?” 

When he blushes and groans, covering his eyes with his hand you laugh even harder. 

“Daww, were you worried about me, Adrian? Did you think I was going to drown?” 

“Whatever you were drinking was no normal drink.” He fumbles the words, and you coo at him, finding his worry extremely endearing. 

“You are adorable, you know that?” 

You can see his cheeks blushing further between his fingers, his hair now falling forward to aid in the hiding of his cute embarrassment. You decide to be merciful and get up with a chuckle when he answers with something you can not even make out. Taking your empty plate you put it in the sink and pour yourself another cup of tea, as you stare at the reddish, steaming liquid, a thought crosses your mind. You lick your lips in anticipation before going back to the chair, making sure that before you sit back down, you run your fingers with a ghostly caress over the back of his neck as you pass him by. You smile when you see him shiver, his hand going back to his glass of wine as his eyes are now fixated on you. He gulps when he sees the look in your eyes, his lips parting slightly when his gaze drops to the smile yours sport, and just like that, you feel the slight shift in the mood happening. 

“Tell me, Adrian, if I was drunk and you drank my blood, would that affect you?” 

He stares at you, his eyes travelling up and down your body with obvious nervousness in them, but underneath it, a clear river of desire running deep. 

“I don’t know, I can not say I ever tried so before.” 

You lean forward, your body already heating up and you are but thinking about the possibilities. 

“And do you want to?” You leave the question intentionally ambiguous, wondering how he will decide to interpret it as you finally stand up and get closer to him. He tracks your every movement, watching you sit on his lap, suddenly realising he hasn’t answered your question. 

“I apologise, what was the question?” 

You smile at him and lean over until your lips are against his ear. You are perfectly aware that he knows what you asked, but for now, you decide to go easy on him, or perhaps not, depending on the interpretation. You were being daring tonight, especially considering his reaction to sexual themes, but amidst all the emotions that you feel flowing out of him, not one of them has a hint of discomfort, and so, you carry on. 

“I asked if you wanted to do it.” You whisper in his ear followed by a gentle nibble to his earlobe. “And if you want me to be specific, I mean drinking my blood.” 

You didn’t know why the idea was so erotic, but the mere thought of Adrian feeding from your blood was enough to make you become wet, just like you are right now, something that considering the way in which he was inhaling through his nose and the hardening pressure growing underneath you, he was acutely aware of. 

“I have... thought about it.” His typically husky voice is even huskier than usual, the timbre so deep that you feel it reverberating through your own body. 

“Then I wonder… have you thought about biting me?” You feel him stiffening, but that, paired with what you feel from him, allows you to know that it’s not born from discomfort. So you smile against his ear and drag your words in a low, sultry voice. “And if you have… I wonder _where_ you would like to bite me.” Gently, you grab his hand and place it on your wrist, “here?”, then move it up your body until it’s on the crook of your neck, “here?”, then back down your body, to the curve of your breast, “here?”, then, even further down, until his hand rests on the inside of your thigh, “or perhaps here?” 

“Xiana.” His voice is strangled, and so you move back to look at him. His eyes burn with desire, but also with obvious conflict in them. Your eyes fall to his fangs, fangs that you are sure are longer than usual, but your attention is quickly shifted back to his eyes, your heart stepping forward and taking control of you as you cradle his face with the utmost gentleness. 

“I’m sorry, was that too much?” 

He shakes his head, and you frown in confusion, tilting your head to more emphasis. The question going unasked, but without the need to say so out loud. 

“I have never bitten someone, I don’t know… how I would react.” 

“Oh.” He smiles sadly, hanging his head forwards and somewhat… ashamed? “Hey, what’s that for?” Placing your fingers on his chin, you lift his head back up until you are once again losing yourself into his amber gaze. 

He definitely looks ashamed, and you hate it. 

“The impulses of my vampiric side are… strong around you.” You stare at him, blinking confused at what he says, your knowledge on his kind being rather limited. Sensing it, he takes a deep breath and explains further. “I have wanted to bite people before, but it was always people I had to fight, another weapon to use, my nature wanting me to tear their throats as soon as they get close enough, and now…” you see his eyes falling to your neck, and you know that he is starting at the slight tremor on your skin each time your heart pumps blood through your veins, right under the scars that he left on you.” Now I look at you and find myself asking what it would be like to sink my fangs in you, to taste you like this, and then I notice my own thoughts moving forward, and then I remember that I am a monster that could easily kill you, and yet…” his fingers move up to your neck, the tips barely caressing the skin right over your pulse, not daring to graze the scars that mark your neck, “I can’t stop desiring it.” 

He removes his hand, letting it fall to his side, looking away, ashamed of himself. And that’s something that you simply won’t have. 

“Hey, hey.” You tap his chin again. “Look at me Adrian, please.” He does as you say, and you look at him with as much tenderness as you can pour into it. “You are not a monster, and I have never felt in danger when around y- alright that’s a lie, when I first saw you I definitely felt in danger.” You joke lightly, and a smile forms in his lips for a second just before vanishing the next. “But hey, never once since I got to know you, and I refuse to believe that it’s as bad as you make it sound, especially when I have never felt it.”

At that, his expression changes slightly, almost hopeful, you notice. 

“I always try to not pry in your emotions, but some of them always leak, especially when they are very intense, and I have felt the want that you talk of, at least on a surface level, and not even once did it make me feel like prey, like if you were a threat to me.” You pause, biting your lip lightly as you evoke the sensation that washed over you whenever you would catch him looking at you in _that_ way, and you have to fight to repress the shudder that the sudden curious need makes you feel. “It made me feel wanted, desired, but not in a way that felt _wrong._ I always assumed that… well, without searching any deeper, I simply thought it was that you wanted _me_ \- 

“I want you, I do.” He hurriedly interrupts you, sudden worry jumping to the front of his emotions, and you can’t help but smile softly at it. 

“I know, I’m not suggesting that you want me just for my blood, but we can’t deny that a part of you wants it, and I don’t want you to believe that feeling that way invalidates anything else.” You stop for a moment, boring into his conflicted gaze and tucking some of his hair away like you usually do. “This is part of who you are, it doesn’t scare me, and honestly?” You switch your expression to a slight playful smile before continuing. “The fact that you think you can easily kill me is borderline offensive.” 

At that, he chuckles, a short, sudden chuckle, but a chuckle nonetheless. 

“I don’t mean to underestimate you, but I am powerful, Xiana, and if I was draining you and I lost control... I don’t know if you would be able to stop me.” 

“And what makes you think that?” 

“I can also wield magic, and I know that losing blood affects its power.” 

“Wait, you can?” Saying you are shocked would be an understatement, not once had you seen him using anything aside his vampiric abilities. 

He smiles for a moment at your surprise before nodding. 

“My father was, most likely, the greatest user of black magic to ever exist, he taught me how to make use of it too.” 

“I had no idea, you must show me one day.” Once again, he smiles and nods, and before your mind can be distracted by the potential of witnessing a type of magic you had never seen before takes over it, you keep your attention on him as you stand up from his lap. “Come, get up.” 

He does as he says and you pull him for a soft kiss, a kiss in which he melts into almost instantly. As your lips move against his own, you feel him relaxing, his mind being pulled away from his worries and getting lost in you, his hands moving to your body without a conscious thought. Ending the kiss, you look up to his eyes and ask him against his lips. 

“Can you get on your knees for me?” 

With no hesitation, he does as you ask him. Even in this position, his head is almost as high as your breasts. Petting his head, you tilt his head up and lower yourself down to give him another soft kiss before straightening yourself, and next, you move your wrist until it’s placed in front of his lips. 

“Drink.” 

His eyes widen in surprise, a surge of fear rushing forward as he attempts to get on his feet, a surge that you quickly quiet down with just one look. Staying on his knees as you asked him, he shakes his head. 

“No.” 

“Adrian, listen to me, like this I can easily stop you. You will not be able to get a hold of me if I do not wish to.” Fear, even if faint now, still dances in his eyes. “I trust you, Adrian, with all my heart.” 

“You shouldn’t.” 

“Yet I do.” You caress his cheek with your free hand, all the love that you feel for him being poured into the touch. “I trust you, and I want this as much as you do.” 

He hesitates for a few moments, a battle forming inside of him, a battle that you can feel but you will not interfere with. If he accepts or not will be his choice and his only. You have laid your card on the table, and it is now up to him to make the next move. You feel the surface emotions that rage within him, some showing clear as day in his eyes, and you wait, patiently, with your fingers running through his hair. 

And then, he makes his choice. 

* * *

With a reverence he has never experienced before, he takes her hand as if it was the most delicate thing he had ever held before. He looks up to her eyes, desperately searching for something that will make him stop, that will prove him right and give him an excuse, something, anything that will help him to put an end to this incessant pull that makes him bring her fragile wrist to his lips. 

When his lips make contact with the silky skin, he feels her shudder under the touch, a reaction that makes him want this even more. Would she like it? Holding his breath, he places a kiss over the gentle pulse that sounds like deafening drums in his ears, let’s the scent of her envelop him like a warm caress. Right now, nothing but her exists in his world, he drinks on everything that he feels from her, focusing on her quickening breathing, her heart commencing to speed in anticipation, or the scent of her arousal pooling between her legs. He knows that vampires can cause this in their prey if they so wish to, but he never used them before, doesn’t know if this is him using them unconsciously, or if he is even capable of doing so. Perhaps it is her, when she uttered those words, that simple declaration of a need as deep as his, he believed her, he could hear the truth in her, even if he wanted to refuse it. 

He had hoped that she would see him as the monster he knew himself to be, that she would see the clear threat that he represented. But she did not. And now, here he was, finding himself giving in, unable to stop himself no more. 

Closing his eyes as he opens his mouth, he allows his fangs to graze her skin, the sensation against them feeling better than he could have ever imagined, a sensation that apparently, feels as good for her if the rustle of her clothes, as she moves her free hand to cover her mouth as she tries to stifle the almost silent moan that abandons her lips, is anything to guide himself with. He opens his eyes one last time and looks up with her wrist still on his mouth, knowing that if he finds even an ounce of doubt in them, he will tear himself away if he has to, but when he sees nothing but a clear blush covering her cheeks, her hand over her lips as she looks down to him with a desire he had never seen before, he sends a quick prayer to whoever might be listening to not allow him to do anything he would not be able to ever forgive himself for. 

And then, as he finally gives in, he closes his eyes one more time and bites down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really thought I was going to get to the smut in this chapter, but then it somehow shifted and here we are! But well, with that ending I think we can all guess what's coming next week am I right? ;)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it! And even if we are not yet over, if you have read this far, I wanted to thank you for sticking around to read this story of mine, it means a lot <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a late update, got tangled editing stuff and well, this chapter is literally double the length of my usual 4k long chapters lmao. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it!

When his fangs finally sink in your flesh, you can’t fight the moan any longer. You are unaware if dhampirs are capable of releasing some kind of aphrodisiac substance, but right now, as you feel something you have never experienced before, it sure seems like it. His lips feel soft against your skin, a stark contrast to his fangs so firmly settled inside of you, his eyes remain closed, and you know the exact moment in which your blood hits his tongue when he groans in a completely different way to what you have heard before. His fingers remain light on your wrist, still holding it like the most delicate possession, a delicacy that somehow translates to the gentleness of his bite. 

Devotion, reverence, adoration, desire, need, _love_ , all emotions from you and him that mix and merge as the most chaotic, yet harmonious melody ever created, and all of it, for you and only you to experience. At the back of your mind, you wonder if you will ever be able to unravel the chaos that comes with this, another part questions if you will ever wish to. 

You had greatly underestimated the effect this action would have on you, now fully aware that even if you wanted to fight this, you might not be able to do so unless you focused all your intent on that and that alone. You wonder if he is aware of how much control he holds right now, or perhaps, he lacks it just as much as you do. Whatever happens next, you know for certain it’s something that it’s out of your hands, and yet, you are also sure that, somehow, you will never be in danger as long as it's him. 

Where this blind faith comes from, you know not. 

With your legs shaking, the hand that attempts to cover your mouth does a poor job at muffling the sounds you utter, and your eyes, - eyes that fight to stay open, to take in the vision of this creature kneeling before you, drinking from you in such a way that makes you feel adored beyond reason-, close against your will after a short while. When your legs keep on trembling, your knees threatening to finally give in, his free arm shoots around them and pulls you towards him, keeping you on your feet as he practically takes all your weight from you. His lips tighten around your skin every time he suctions, and every time you feel your blood rushing to his mouth, every time he swallows it down, you feel yourself becoming more and more attuned to him, a near primal pleasure enveloping you as he goes on.

Your hand finally leaves your mouth, placing itself on his shoulder as you whimper for something that you don’t understand, and as soon as that sound escapes your throat, you feel Adrian’s fangs gently retreating from your skin. Everything feels calm when you open your eyes, your senses an interesting mix of feeling dull, yet incredibly sharp. When his hot tongue licks away the thin trails of blood that stain your skin, almost removing all physical evidence of what has just transcribed, you hiss with pleasure at the contact, feeling the heat and the wetness of it with an intensity you never felt before, the area, or perhaps just you, having turned incredibly sensitive after this. 

There are no sudden movements, no janks, no sense of regret tainting the aura that lingers in the room, just his intense amber eyes observing you with a hint of something that you can not quite place. With him still on his knees and both his arms around you, his face looking up at you in something that you can not describe as anything else but adoration, you feel a smile starting to pull at the corner of your lips. With his grip on you relaxing slightly, you allow yourself to go down onto the floor with him, getting lost in his gaze, hoping that your eyes reflect all the beautiful things you see dancing in his. His hand moves to your cheek, cupping it gently and searching your eyes for something. The touch makes you close your eyes right away and lean into the touch, a touch that feels like never before, the warmth feels more intense, the softness like nothing you can compare it to, and the smell, so sweet and intoxicating. You turn your face, burying your nose against his wrist and breathing in, the familiar scent of elderflowers - a scent that you now can tell has a slight, unique tone that differentiates it from any other - surrounds you. 

“Xiana?” That voice, the way in which your name falls from his lips, that’s a sound that you will never get tired of. Not desiring to articulate any words, or remove your nose from his skin, you only hum in response, indicating that you are listening. 

Apparently, this is not good enough for him. 

Turning your head again, he holds your face with both his hands, his thumbs running gently across your skin, and now, a hint of worry tainting his voice when he repeats your name. Now, opening your eyes and turning your full attention to _him_ , instead of everything you are able to experience now, you speak back with a soft smile forming on your lips. 

“Yes?” 

Visibly relaxing at the subtle shift of your body language, his whole demeanour changes, the hint of concern that you felt, now almost gone. 

“How do you feel?” 

“I feel great.” 

“Care to elaborate?” 

You chuckle, and not finding any desire to not do as he asks, you oblige. 

“I feel a surprising mix of drowsiness and alert, almost like-” You halt yourself, stopping to consider for a second and trying to focus on the room around you, perhaps the floor under your feet, or the heat of the fire at your back, but all of it feels strangely washed out. “It’s like my senses are solely focused on you, sharper than ever, and I like it.” You stop again, testing your movements and tracing some of the folds of his shirt with your fingers. “I don’t feel any lack of control on my body, but the pull I usually feel towards you is stronger than usual.” 

He frowns slightly at your words, slight concern while he is deep in focus. You watch him close his eyes, and you feel him stirring something inside of him, as if searching for something. He presses his forehead to yours, the contact sending a pleasurable shiver down your spine, another shiver quickly following when he speaks softly against your lips. 

“Can you feel that?” 

Unsure of what he is referring to, you decide to tell him everything that you feel. 

“I can feel your skin against my own, your hair brushing against me, your breath caressing my lips, making them warm, and making me want to kiss you. I can also feel you doing something strange inside of you, your emotions feel slightly disturbed, and I can feel an intense focus coming from you, along with a slight worry.” You open your eyes and smile when you see his are already open and looking at you, with a smile of his own on his face. “Would you like me to go any deeper?” 

He chuckles, now even that faint worry completely vanished. 

“That won’t be necessary, no.” 

His fingers move to your hair, running through it as he stares at you in near disbelief, observing you as if you were something that could not possibly be real. 

“You are truly fine.” 

You get the feeling that he is saying that more to himself than you, however, you don’t let it slide. 

“Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” 

He looks away for a moment, a light blush covering his cheeks before returning his gaze, filled with tenderness, towards you. 

“I was worried that I might have influenced you.” You look at him, confused, perhaps that’s an ability that his kind possesses? Watching the evident confusion in your expression and probably remembering your lack of knowledge on vampires, he offers you a brief explanation. “Pure blooded vampires possess the ability to charm non-vampires, I had never attempted to use it myself, I am not even sure if that is a skill that I inherited, but just the mere possibility of doing that to you, even if only accidental or temporarily…” A deep frown settles on his brows, any trace of the blush now gone while something that dwells deep within him, surfaces for a moment. “That’s a thought that I abhor.” 

“Hey, don’t go there.” You say softly, placing your hand in his. “You did not do what you fear.” 

You don’t utter any more words, the need for them none when you both know what is happening. Perhaps you lack the details, perhaps you will never know, but one way or another, deep down, you know why this subject bothers him so, and if there is something you know with absolute certainty right now, is that you are not letting him go back to the dark corners of his memories. 

He closes his eyes, turning the hand in which yours rest and entwining his fingers with yours, giving you a firm squeeze, letting you know that he is here, with you. After a few more silent moments, he opens his eyes again, a saddened touch to his otherwise acceptant smile. 

“You are right, I apologize.” 

You nod in response, thinking how there is nothing to apologize for, but knowing that right now, that isn’t something he is ready to hear. Sensing the shift in his emotions, you decide to change the subject for now and bring it back to a lighter tone in which he will find himself comfortable once again. 

“Good, because your lips are very tempting right now to focus on anything else.” 

“Are they, now?” He says moving slightly closer until they barely touch your own. 

“Oh, feeling bold tonight, are you not?” You smile at your own words, still, not closing the final distance between the two of you. 

“Maybe so.” He whispers, his head tilting lighting to the side, close enough that his lashes manage to tickle your skin. 

“Look at you, having a little blood and turning all brave on me.” You shift your position slightly, your lips now ghosting over his jaw and up to his ear, and when you feel him shudder and stutter slightly, you smile. 

“Perhaps this is who I am when I am at ease.” 

You chuckle, his choice of words putting you in even a better mood as you start tracing kisses back to his lips before bringing yourself to a stop just as you are about to reach them. Barely hovering over them, you allow your breaths to mingle while you speak against his wet lips, the heat radiating from his skin feeling exquisite and so, so very tempting. 

“Is that so?” You hum as in questioning. “I wonder if you want to put this new found resolve to the test.” 

“I…” He clears his throat while a blush creeps in his cheeks, his eyes almost closed at the proximity, his expression one that lets you know that he wants nothing more than you finally claiming his lips. “I would be interested in doing so.” 

You smile as you allow your tongue to wet your lips, tilting your head, getting closer. Your hand moves to the back of his neck, the other one, makes a fist around his shirt as you pull him closer, and when your lips finally connect his whole body shivers with it. Ending the kiss much faster than you truly wish to and smiling in satisfaction at the almost hazed look that crosses his face, you get up and head to the door. You bite your lip as you try to stifle the laugh that forms in your lungs when he remains on the floor as if in a trance. 

“Well? Shall we go?” You ask as you extend your hand towards him. 

Your words seem to reach him considering that he does get on his feet and moves to your side, linking his fingers with yours and allowing you to guide him. 

“Since when are you the one showing me the way in my own castle?” He asks with humour in his voice, yet, still letting you take him wherever you desire. 

“Since you seem to be too distracted to do so yourself.” You respond with the same tone as his. 

That low chuckle of his that you seem to love so much causes you to glance back at him, and when you do and see the fond look with which he is watching you paired with that sweet smile adorning his lips, it almost makes you stop in the spot to pull him into another slow kiss. If you weren’t so close to your final destination, you might have done just that, but instead, you just hurry your step in the slightest. After a short walk, you find yourself in front of the door to the bedroom that you have been sharing, and opening the door to it you finally step in with him right behind you. 

The room is nice and warm, any remnants of sunlight now gone from the sky, giving room to a clear firmament full of stars. The fire, almost burned down to cinders, gives you just enough light to maneuver through the bedroom without crashing against anything. Turning around and wrapping your arms around his neck while his own move to your back, you pull him down for yet another kiss. You take your time as you gently brush your lips against his, enjoying the new sensations that you are feeling right now, experimenting with them as you explore him with delicious lentitude, swallowing the small groan that abandons his throat when you slowly push your tongue in his mouth, letting it dance with his, enjoying the way in which his arms tighten his hold around you when you deepen your embrace even more. 

Breaking apart when the need for air forces you to do so, you let your hands slide down his shirt and wander up his lean torso. If you weren’t enjoying the sight in front of you, you would close your eyes to better savour the way his body feels under the palm of your hands, but watching him so relaxed, so obviously enjoy this situation makes you wish that you could engrave this moment in your memory. Your palms keep moving up his body - so thin, yet so powerful - like if you were trying to memorize every part of his shape right now, every change on his skin as you feel the scars under your palm. When you reach his chest, he raises his arms and allows you to take off the piece of clothing, leaving his upper body bare for you to admire. 

The faint red light of what is left of the fire gives his body a warm look that makes you feel like this is the most intimate moment you have ever shared with anyone before. Your heart constricts in your chest looking at him, at the deep scar that runs across his chest and the thinner ones that mark the front of his body. Feeling how his surface emotions are filled with an ease that you had never sensed before in him, you can not feel anything but at peace. It makes it hard to breathe when your love for him burns so bright, when he honours you placing such trust in you, a trust that you know that, were you ever to break it, would be something that would destroy not only him, but also you. 

“I love you.” It comes out before you can think it, and in all honesty, you don’t really mind it. Closing the distance, you trace the scars with your fingertips, feeling him tremble under the touch, but not moving away. “So much.” You continue. 

For a second, you swear that you can hear his heart skip a beat, a slight tremor forming on his bottom lip before he pulls you into his embrace, burying his face on your hair and breathing you in. He doesn’t answer, and you don’t need him to. You can feel his emotions clear as day, and if he does not wish to say the words, that isn’t something that you can find in yourself to be bothered about. 

“I know.” He finally whispers, and that concession alone holds more weight than an I love you ever could. “Allow me to undress you, please.” He says after some moments.

“Of course.” Is all you say. 

Releasing you from his hold, he turns you around and gently places your hair over your shoulder, away from your back, and you, unable to contain the shiver that run up your spine when his fingers grace your skin while doing so. With slow movements he starts to undo the laces that keep your dress in place, and even if you can not be sure of this, you are sure that he is savouring the moment. One by one, you feel the fabric loosening around you, and finally, his hands on your shoulders as he commences to pull it down your arms. With a tud, the heavy winter dress falls to the ground, and not wanting to move, you remain in the same place with the garment now laying at your feet. His breath caresses the back of your neck, your hairs standing on end when shuddering pleasure runs down your back. Your breathing hitches for a moment, his lips planting a soft kiss against your skin, another shudder running through your body with it. 

“You are so beautiful.” He whispers, and you wonder if those words are for you or just a statement from his part. 

Getting down on his knees for the second time, you can’t contain the quiet gasp that your lips utter when his hands slide under your undertunic until they rest on both sides of one of your legs, slowly making their way up until they find the edge of your stockings. When you sense his eyes on the back of your head you turn your head enough to look at him, finding him silently asking for your permission before continuing, with a silent nod, you watch as his slender fingers hook the edge of the warm, wooly fabric and start to pull it down. When it reaches the end, he lifts your leg with the utmost care, fully pulling it off with one last movement. Moving to the other leg, he repeats the movements until both your legs are bare.

Going back on his feet, he allows his hands to slide up the soft skin of your legs before letting the undertunic drop down, once again covering them. Your back is partly nude, and as he ascends up your body, he places kiss after kiss until he is back on his full height, the shudders coursing through your nerves running more often. After some more gentle kisses to the back of your exposed neck, he finally turns you around, his hands moving to the front of your remaining piece of clothing where the knots keep it in place.

“May I?” 

You nod, sure that right now, there is nothing that you would be able to deny him.   
  


With movements even slower than before, he starts to undo the knots, your mouth slightly open as you drink in the evident desire pooling in his amber gaze. When the knot is finally undone and the fabric hangs only by your shoulders, he places his hands on them and starts to slide them down, the piece of fabric gliding down along his caress and leaving you finally nude in front of him. 

“So beautiful.” He repeats while drinking you in. 

Stepping out of the clothes that remain at your feet, you close the distance once again until your body is firmly pressed against his own. You nuzzle your nose against his neck, inhaling his scent and planting a kiss over the rapid pulse that makes his skin tremble. His hands move to your waist, from there, down to your hips and even further down to your buttocks, giving you a gentle squeeze and humming in satisfaction. Your hand finds it’s way once again to the back of his neck, pulling him down for another deep kiss, and this time, when the kiss is over, you place both your hands on his cheeks and look into his eyes. 

“Before we go any further…” You say with your softest voice. “Is there anything you do not wish for me to do?” 

He looks confused for a moment before realisation sinks in. You feel a momentary pang of pain surging from him, his body growing tense as no doubt unpleasant memories go to the front of his mind.

“Just... Do not attempt to restrain me, in any way.” 

You have to battle the sudden surge of anger, sorrow and hate that rushes through you when you hear his words and the way he utters them in a whisper barely loud enough for you to hear. 

“Of course, is there anything else?” 

He shakes his head, looking at the floor for a second before turning his amber eyes back at you. 

“No, I think that is all.” 

Nodding, you brush away the locks of hair that hang in front of his face, studying his perfect features with a love so intense that it makes your heart ache. You wish you could take it all away, even if you know you can not. But at the very least, you are able to hold him here and now, to place tender kisses across his skin, to make him forget about the past for even just a moment, and right now, that is more than enough for you. 

Placing a tender kiss to his lips, letting your hands roam through his torso, you feel the tension in his muscles disappearing once again, his hands back on your skin while your tongues move against one another, this time, when the kiss ends, you are the one to ask for permission when your hands slide down to the edge of his breeches, his hard length pressing against your stomach under the leather. 

“May I?” 

“Please.” He answers with his deep, raspy voice coming out in a soft breath. 

With agile fingers you start to undo the buttons, his hardened member pressing against the fabric as it practically tries to free itself from its confines. When the final button is finally undone, you get down on your knees, taking his breeches down with you and leaving him just in his braies. Tossing the clothes aside, you hook your fingers under the edge of his braies and glance at him one more time, giving you another nod as a soft blush covers his cheeks, a blush that you know is born from desire, not shame. You slide the last piece of fabric down his legs, his member finally free, and he, just as nude as you. 

Using all your self restraint, you get back on your feet instead of running your tongue over his shaft just like you so desperately wish to do. Instead, you take his hand in yours and lead him to the bed, climbing on it with him following you close behind. Taking the lead, you press against his chest until he is laying on his back, climbing on top of him, you suspire when his fingertips glide up your sides until they are tangled on your hair, pulling you towards his lips and claiming them with a perfect mixture of hunger and delicacy. Parting from his lips, you place a kiss to the corner of them, then on the edge of his jaw and up until you reach his ear. Allowing your tongue to run over his lobe, you whisper a question, your voice filled with need, but also tenderness. 

“Will you allow me to take care of you?” 

Your words make him shiver, his fingers digging on your flesh as he replies with a yes through a shaky exhale. After hearing his confirmation, you commence your trail down his body, placing kiss after kiss as you descend. On your way down, you ensure that his member keeps on brushing against your skin, feeling it twitch in anticipation a few times, something that you realise brings you deep satisfaction. You trace a way with your tongue down his defined abs, moving to the outskirts of his pelvis, letting your teeth graze over the skin, earning you a low moan from him. Smiling against his skin, you follow the shape of the bone down to the base of his shaft, he looks down at you, that characteristic blush covering his cheeks, his eyes heavy lidded as he watches you letting his member press against your cheek while you move up to his head. 

His member is larger than you would have imagined, something that makes the wetness between your legs increase when you try to imagine his whole length buried deep inside you. Not wanting to get ahead of yourself, you focus your attention back on your task in hand, your senses fully trained on him, ready to slow down or stop altogether at any unpleasant shift on his emotions. Closing your eyes, you let your tongue make contact with his member, smiling when just that makes him exhale a shaky breath. Repeating the action, you move down to the base, this time allowing your tongue to move from bottom to top, and once you reach the head one more time, you take it in your mouth. His hips bulk up instinctively with a deep moan following, making you open your eyes to look at him, who has his head pushed back against the pillow, eyes closed and hands turned into fist at the sides of his head. His hips go back down, and with them, so does your mouth. Working on his member, you start to suction on him while one of your hands wraps itself around the parts that you can not reach with your mouth. A moan reverberates through your throat when you can taste a slight saltiness already emerging from the tip, working yourself to your limit, you try to take as much of him as you can, giving you the reward of more of his delightful moans and whimpers. You feel his member twitching in your mouth and hand as you keep moving up and down, your own arousal increasing with his reactions the closer he gets to his end. 

With eyes still closed, you feel his hands on your head, his fingers tangling with your hair as they close into fists. You don’t mind the treatment, especially since he does not attempt to push you down more than you can take, instead, just keeps you in place as his hips buck one more time. You are certain that he is not even aware of this, and again, is not something that you care about. Knowing that his action meant that he was getting closer to his peak, you start to speed up, your saliva having coated his length long ago and making the task easier. When his fists drop your hair and instead fists around the bed sheets as he gives you the opportunity to move away at any time, you find yourself smiling internally at the sweetness of him. He is extremely close now, a few more pumps and suctions, and he will become undone, and thus, that’s exactly what you do. 

A deep groan runs through his throat as his member pulses inside your mouth, his whole body tensing up as his hot seed leaves his body with each one of the twitches, the saltiness, now much more intense coating your tongue as you keep on moving, carefully slowing down your speed as you help him ride his orgasm. When his body finally turns lax, his fingers back on your hair, petting you, you take him out of your mouth with a pop, making sure that you swallow every drop of him residing in your mouth. With your eyes now open, you look at him as you lick away the rest of his seed coating his head, watching him shudder intensely with his eyes fixated on you. Once you are satisfied with it, you make your way back up to his body, your own need riding strong as you shiver in anticipation at what comes next. While your primary focus is on him, you can not deny the burning heat that pools between your legs, begging you for a touch, begging you for him. 

And then, when you are back on top of him, your body pressing down against his, you feel the sudden shift on his emotions. Quickly moving your face next to his, you place your hand on his cheek and softly call his name. He looks at you, the shadow of panic staining his beautiful eyes, with no hesitation you sit up on his lap, pulling him up with you until you are both in a seated up position. You lift most of your weight away from him, both your hands now cupping his face, centering his attention on you. 

“You are here, Adrian, with me.” Your words, filled with love and understanding also possess a firmness that will not be ignored. “You are safe.” 

* * *

Her voice and her touch shines through his memories like a bright beacon, a beacon that he runs towards with near desperation. He wouldn’t allow them to take this from him, not now, not again, not ever. Fighting against the memories and the intrinsical panic that comes with them, he snarls to his own mind, bares his fangs at them, he would _not_ let this stop this moment, he would _not_ be robbed of anything else. And so, he chases after her call, her soft body pressed against his, her words, providing him with a guide, an anchor to cling to. 

When his eyes refocus on the present, he is sitting on the bed, her, sitting on his lap, his face, cupped on her delicate hands. With a ragged breath, he closes his eyes, steadying himself, allowing her to keep him in the here and now. He focuses on her scent, on the warmth of her body, the melodious sound of her shushed words. His arms move to her back, pulling her close, wanting to feel her weight on him, desiring for her presence to envelop him like a protective blanket like it had done before. He buries his nose on the crook of her neck, feeling her hands running through his hair, holding him close, safe. After a while like this, he pulls back just enough to be able to look at her, a love so deep -so deep that it almost scared him- running through his veins. 

“I am here.” His voice sounds more firm than what he imagined it would, her presence giving him the courage that he needs. “I am here with you.” 

Her eyes turn glossy, tears that never fall forming behind them as she nods. He wonders if she is feeling the love he feels, if that is the reason for her unshed tears, if she finds this situation overwhelming, yet perfect, just like he does. 

“You are.” She says. 

Bringing her to his lips, he kisses her deeply, the taste of him still on her mouth, mixing with her own, and he knows he needs more, he needs to feel her around him, to be lost in her. And so, he lifts her body, his arm moving across her back and keeping her locked and secured in place while the other moves to his length. He directs himself to her entrance, the heat that emanates from her core feeling almost scorching against his sensitive senses, and when the tip of his erection brushes against her folds, they both suck in a breath at just that. When he is properly positioned, she starts to lower herself down onto him, slowly taking him in, being stretched inch by inch until she has taken all he has to offer.  
  
“Fuck…” She whispers as she stops moving. 

They both hiss in pleasure through the whole motion, both needing a moment to adjust, a moment that they take to search each other's lips. They kiss with need, love and hunger, an urge that takes their breaths away in a form that the others didn’t cause before. 

_“I love her.”_ He thinks. But before he can continue his train of thought, she starts to raise her hips, almost taking him all the way out before sliding back down. She feels tight, warm and wet around him, the sensation one that he was more than certain could become an addiction, a sensation that he hoped felt as pleasurable to her as it did to him. Still sited on the bed, her arms wrap themselves around his neck, using him for support and leverage, something that he is more than happy to provide her with anytime she wishes. Again, she raises, letting him slide out, causing him to whimper at the sensation that he already misses before taking him in one more time, the pressure of her walls against his member making him moan and hiss just like her, she continues her movements until he can not take it anymore, the pleasure building once again inside of him begging him for release. Unable to take her tortuous slow pace anymore, his fingers travel to her hips, digging in her flesh as a whimper escapes her lips.  
  
"Xiana-"  
  
  
"I've got you." She answers between breaths, understanding what he desires without the need to utter any words. After all, she said she would look after him.  
  
  
With his hands still on her hips, she carefully pushes his chest, his body obeying her directions without any input from himself and falling back on the bed with a soft sound. For a mere moment that stretches in time, she stays on top of him, simply admiring him. The way in which her eyes shine as she drinks him in makes something deep stir within him, something violent and intense, something that rebels at the idea of losing her again. It confuses him, those eyes of hers, it brings things to his heart that he can not begging to understand, and yet, there is nowhere else he rather be in this moment.  
  
  
She opens her mouth as if about to say something, but whatever it was never leaves. Instead, she leans forward with him until her body is pressed against his own, her lips ghosting over his skin as she peppers his neck with kisses. He whimpers again, surely this should count as torture.  
  
  
"You leave me speechless." She mumbles between kisses. He wants to reply, to offer a clever retort, but his mind is blank, filled with nothing but them, what they are doing.  
  
  
By her.  
  
  
Finally, she pressed down on him harder than before, each curve of her body shaped against him like if that's how it was always meant to be. Burying her face against his neck, she moves her hips forcing moans from both of them with the motion, his grip on her tightens along with his entire body, incoherent sounds dropping from his lips like if it were a prayer. And perhaps it is, such is the devotion he feels for her.

Part of him feels helpless, like if trapped under a spell that he can not escape, a spell that consists of her and everything she is. He thinks that perhaps he should feel differently, that this should not make him feel as safe as he is feeling, but with every and each part of him attuned to this moment he can not find any reasons to stop. He willingly puts himself in her power, he willingly lets her take command, he willingly puts his trust, and his heart, in her hands. And is in this moment that he realises that is too late for him, that his heart is not his anymore, that it now belongs to her, and her alone.  
  


  
With each passing second and this realisation washing over him, he can feel the pleasure increasing more and more, and with it, he feels his emotions starting to overwhelm him. He loves her. He can think so without any qualms, without any fear. He loves her, and she loves him. And most importantly, he trusts her. Suddenly moving his hands away from her hips and turning his face towards her, he cups her face and brings his lips up to hers, the sudden urge to kiss her being one that he can not ignore. He swallows her moans as they leave from her mouth straight to his, sounds that he wants to hear for the rest of his life. 

“I love you.” He says without thinking, his words barely understandable between his irregular breath and moans. This time, she is the one to answer with similar words to his. 

“I know you do.” 

At the absolute certainty he hears in her voice he feels his eyes starting to tear up. Cursing this heart of his he turns his face away, not wanting to shed tears at this moment, when all he feels is a relief so deep he can not contain it. She believes him, even when he has not given her enough reasons to do so, she does. 

A gentle voice on his ear stopping his thoughts, catching his attention.

"It's alright, Adrian, let go." He bites his lips, fighting with himself, trying to reel in the emotions that are running wild, hating the thought that his state might disturb her too. "Please my love." She whispers while continuing her slow motions. "Don't hold back, give it to me, I've got you." He shudders, his struggle quickly becoming a lost battle.  
  


  
After all, he had surrendered to her.  
  
  


And so, he let's go.  
  
  
  
The reaction in her is instant when a whine leaves her lips.  
  
  
  
"Oh Adrian..." Is all she manages to say before moving her arms that she was using to support herself under his shoulders.

His arms shoot around her back, holding her as hard as he feels he can without hurting her. He turns his face again, this time pressing it against the long locks that fall free all around them. Being this close is not close enough, so his arms squeeze even harder. She lets a sharp breath come out, but he knows is not one of pain or distaste, just of surprise. As they hold each other, he starts to move his hips too. The movements are out of synchrony and unpracticed, clumsy and erratic, but neither of them cares. Soon she stops moving, her mouth pressed against his neck as moan after moans abandons her throat. 

“Adrian, faster-” 

Following her commands without a second thought and feeling his own pleasure demanding the same of him, he increases his speed.

Her hands moving away from under him, fingers clinging to the sheets as her body tenses beyond reason.

He can feel her fighting it, trying to relax his grip on him, to not even come close to restraining him, and with that, an overwhelming wave of emotion rushes over him, his wish to hold her and be held through this stronger than anything else. Missing even that fraction of her touch right away, he manages to force a plea out of his lips.  
  
  
  
"Keep holding me." 

"Ah-! Spirits...! Adrian I-!" She does as he asks, her fingers now digging in his skin, nails scrapping at him. And he, finding the sensation more than he can handle.

She stops talking when a slight shift in his positioning and a switch on the strength of his strokes hits the spot that she needed right now, and with a whine, almost tearing up at the unbearable pleasure, her walls convulse around his member for the first time, just as her legs and arms lock into place, pressing her taut body as hard against his as she can manage. 

Groaning into her hair as his own peak approaches as fast as lighting, he buries himself as deep as he can go, his hips remaining in position, pressing her down with one arm while they hold to one another for dear life. Her walls still spasming, his breath still trembling, and their whines still filling the room. He feels himself pulsing, spilling his seed for the second time, this time, deep inside of her, something that brings him a kind of primal pleasure that he does not fully comprehend. 

A few more moments pass before their bodies finally collapse. Carefully, she tries to keep her weight from him, a foolish notion as far as he is concerned. With a chuckle, he brings her right back to where she was but a moment ago, delighting on how she feels against him, on how her body, so tense a moment ago was now soft and mellow. 

“I believe I can stand your weight, my dear witch.” His voice comes low and raspy, with a hint of humour mixed with the adoration that stains it before he holds one of her locks and kisses it. She chuckles in response, not having to be convinced any further before letting her body melt on top of his. His fingers start to caress her back, ghosting over her skin and making her relax even more. They say nothing as they try to recover their bearings, heartbeats slowing down, breathing returning to normal. After this, he whispers against her ear with that cheeky tone of his. 

“May I move?” 

“Ugh..." She grunts, remaining silent for a few seconds as if considering his request. "If you must.” She grumbles, but he can hear the lack of seriousness in her voice. 

Sliding out of her, something that makes them both complain for a moment, he flips them both on their sides so they are face to face. Their skins, pearled with sweat glisten in the faint light, offering further proof of what had just happened, further confirmation that it was not a dream. Observing her placid face and his own state, he had to admit he was surprised. He had expected her to be tired after this considering her human nature and that she was the one to put most effort into it, what he had not expected nor considered is that he, too, would feel this tired. But right now he felt spent, ready to drift to sleep at any moment now.

But not before making sure she was more than fine. 

“How ar-”

“How ar-” 

They both pause and look at each other, laughing right afterwards. 

“Please, you first.” He says after their laugh subsides. 

“How are you feeling?” 

That tone again, so sweet, so full of love and concern, that tone that touched places in him that he had never considered before. He is about to answer when he changes his mind at the last second, bringing her fingers to his lips and kissing each one of them before whispering as he looks into her eyes. 

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” 

Offering him a smile that he would gladly kill for, he observes her as she closes her eyes, her features subtly changing as she focuses on him. Bringing her fingers back to his lips, he presses them against him as he, too, closes his eyes. He focuses on his love, on how he feels _right_ for the first time since he can remember, how he feels whole, like he belongs here, right in her arms. He focuses on the devotion, on the sense of safety that envelops him right now, on the trust that he feels burning brighter with each passing second right through his veins. He shows it all, holding nothing back just like he did before, smiling at the little gasp that escapes her lips as she keeps looking. It’s an odd sensation when she goes deep into his heart, but one that does not make him feel uncomfortable even for a moment. If this were anyone else, he knows that everything in him would rebel against such an attempt, but with her… with her, he would bear her his very soul if that is what her heart desired. 

There were memories that he was not ready to share, and perhaps he never would, at least not in detail, and yet, she somehow managed to make it feel right. She managed to let him know that whatever he did with his memories, what he shared with her, she would accept, and that caused an overwhelming gratitude and relief to wash over him. 

When they both open their eyes, hers are filled with tears, tears that he quickly kisses away. 

“I’m so glad.” She says as tears keep running down her cheeks. Even if he doesn’t possess her abilities, he can read her body language, hear, smell and see all the cues her body gives away, and right now, part of him breaks at the relief that she’s feeling. 

“I am sorry, Xiana, for everything.” 

She shakes her head. 

“Don’t, please don’t.” 

A pang of regret curses through his veins. He hates being the cause of her worries, the cause of the pain she had to endure while here. 

“There is nothing to be sorry about, please.” She stifles a sob, smiling at him, a bright smile even through the tears, a smile that makes his heart jump, knowing that there is nothing he would not do to see that smile again. “I’m just so happy, Adrian, truly, so please, do not feel sorry for what you are not to blame, feel happy for this instead.” 

Such simple words, yet, words that reached deep within him. Perhaps it was the honesty in them, perhaps it was how much he wanted to hear them, but right now, those words were words that bring tears to his eyes too. 

“Alright, I will.” He kisses the tears that keep falling, and she starts to laugh at his actions. He smiles, satisfied to hear that sound, closing his eyes and leaning into the touch when her thumbs dry his own tears. Opening them again, he looks at her eyes, part of him still not believing this to be true. “I love you, Xiana.” 

He can not believe he can say those words, to utter them and feel right, and yet, that’s exactly how he feels. 

“And I love you too.” 

Words that sound like music to his ears, words that he hopes she will always mean. 

After a few moments, she moves away from his grasp, chuckling when he looks at her like a hurt puppy. 

“We should wash up before going to sleep.” 

“Must we?” 

“Yes, and hurry up, the longer you take the longer it will be before I can curl around you.” 

She laughs when he is out of bed the next second, the fire coming back to life with a flick of his wrist while he gathers her in her arms and takes them to the bath faster than it was necessary. But it was necessary, because every time he acted like this, she would laugh in the most beautiful way, and that sound was one he knew he needed to hear for as long as he lives. Finally getting to the bath, they quickly wash themselves before stepping out to dry themselves. Xiana heads towards the towels, but before she can get away, he holds her against his body and lets his magic flow. 

“This way is faster.” He uses his cocky voice, the one that doesn’t fail to make her laugh. 

One moment they are wet, the next, a pleasantly warm pressure washes over them, and just like that, they are fully dry. She scoffs and raises a brow at him while trying to fight a smile. 

“Well, isn’t that a useful trick.” 

“Ah, you told me to hurry up, sounded more like a command if I may say so myself.” Taking her in his arms again, one second they are in the bathing room, a yelp being all that she can manage to do before they are back in the bed. “And I must also admit that being back here with you as fast as possible is at the top of my priority list.” 

“You are such an idiot.” She chuckles as she burrows against him under the heavy bed covers. 

“And you are the one to blame for that.” 

“Oh so now it’s my fault?” 

He hums in affirmation. 

“All yours.” 

“Ah, guess I will take the blame this one time, then.” 

“Are you turning soft on me, Xiana?” 

This time, she is the one to hum in affirmation before saying. 

“Yeah, and you are the one to blame for that.” 

They both laugh, arms and legs finding the right positions as they get more comfortable against each other. He knew that there were things that they still needed to work through, and so did she, he was certain of that, but while before that thought would send him into a spiral of doubts and fears, of a panic he was barely capable of keeping at bay while it tried to claw its way into the surface, now it simply felt like he was, finally, on the path that he was meant to be all along, and most importantly, with the person that he was now sure - without a single trace of doubt - meant to be with. 

Closing his eyes while he buries his face on her hair, cradling her head against his neck, legs tangled together, arms holding one another, he wishes her good night as sleep starts to take hold of him. And this time, when she mumbles an I love you before sleep fully takes hold of her, unlike the first time in which she uttered said words, he smiles in response. 

“I love you too.” 

And with that, he drifts into a calm sleep, a sleep that for once, is not plagued with nightmares. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, we got to the smut. It ended being a lot more wholesome than I expected, but you know what, fuck it. I love it like this :rofl: 
> 
> Again, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, if you have any thoughts you want to share (let it be screaming, a thesis, whatever) I'm more than happy to hear them <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda of a late update I guess, ahaha... ANYWAY, if you are an old reader, I recommend that you read the previous chapter again since it did have a bit of a rewrite (basically the smut scene is now changed), if you are a new reader then by the time you make it to this episode, you will have already read the updated version, so ignore this note lmao.

PART ONE

  
  


When the day before you had taken notice of the time of the year and how Yule was due to start any time soon, you had been reluctant to bring it up at all. You were unsure of the tradition in Wallachia, or if Adrian celebrated anything at all. To you, Yule had always been one of the most important times of the year, and even if your Clan was not here no more, you felt it was your duty to continue the tradition, and so you told your beloved you would like to do some type of celebration during the time. He of course was more than fine with your proposal, so much that he told you about a nearby village that you could visit in a few days. He had made you aware that you had to call it Christmastide while in there, but if his information was correct, your celebration and theirs should be similar enough to make it an easy task. 

And so here you are, checking your boots were properly tied before heading out, fighting the excitement that rushes through you at the thought of the day ahead. Fastening the laces you stand up and head to the table where two baskets, -one with several jars of rose hip jam and the other with cheeses and dry meats- were waiting for you. Each one of the jars was decorated with a small wreath for prosperity and protection, a small gift to properly celebrate the festive season. It was the first time in your life that you were going to pass this time without your Clan, and while it pained you, it also made you put even more effort into making this day a worthy experience, and so, you spent the entire previous day teaching Alucard how to weave the pine leaves into nice looking wreaths. His silent concentration - occasionally filled with quiet curses of frustration - quickly gave room to laughs and chuckles as his movements became more confident. 

After having a last look at the jars to make sure you did not leave anything behind, you check the second basket, where an assortment of goat cheeses and dried meats were divided in portions along with a candle. You were not sure if candles were not a traditional gift during Christmastide, but for you, it was hard to imagine Yule without them, and so, you decided to add them to the presents. 

Finally satisfied, you move to grab the sheepskin cape that Adrian had given you, securely tying it around your shoulders before slipping in the soft pair of mittens that he handed you with it. The cape had a heavy piece of fur attached to the shoulders falling down the back, along with a large hood with trimmed fur providing extra protection against the wind and the cold, something that you knew you were going to feel grateful about not long from now. Both the cape and mittens had been dyed in a beautifully rich shade of dark green, causing a nice contrast against your pale skin and the lighter white and grey shades of the fur. 

“Are you ready?” 

Turning around with a wide smile in your face, you step closer to Adrian and place a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth. 

“Yes, everything is ready to go.” You would not be able to keep the excitement from your voice even if you wanted to, and such a thing is obvious when you see it reflected on his face. 

He looks at you with adoration, happiness on his features obvious to you. It was clear that he enjoyed watching you like this, and that simply made you love him even more for it. Stepping back to get hold of one of the baskets you can not help but comment on his looks. 

“You know, you look rather dashing with these clothes.” 

Used to his simple black breeches and white shirt, you must admit that the black vest he is wearing today in combination to the heavy coat adorned with golden buttons and embroidery are a stark difference. Long fitted gloves going up to his elbow, also decorated with golden details, accompany the look sitting over the fabric, and to finish his outfit off, a black sheepskin cape with a large hood hangs from his shoulders, once again with golden edges as its only additional colour. At your words, he chuckles and bows dramatically with one hand to his chest, making sure to extend his cape with the other one when doing so, no doubt to add to his theatrics. 

“How could I not when I was aware of how radiant you would look today? It would be truly tragic if people thought you were settling with someone below your class.” You snort at his words, pulling your hood over your head before handing him one of the baskets. 

“I think considering your poise and manners the villagers are more likely to believe you are a great lord, regardless of your choice of garments.” You say with a chuckle as you hold the other basket. 

“But why waste a perfect opportunity to impress the witch who inhabits my castle?” 

Laughing once more, you playfully push him with your hip before giving him another kiss, this time, longer than before. “Flatterer.” You mumble against his lips with a smile pulling at your own. 

With nothing else to say, you turn towards the stairs where Cezar is sitting and kneel down to his level. “I’m sorry that we can not take you with us, we will be back soon.” You give him a scratch behind his ear, pleased when you feel that he does not seem to mind the temporary solitude, perhaps understanding your words and believing them. 

With that settled you get back on your feet and take the arm Adrian is offering you, finally heading to the door and stepping outside. Back in your homeland snow was not a regular occurrence, but here, in just but a mere night, the entire landscape had transformed into a world covered in the purest of whites, so bright and shining with the sun above that you find yourself covering your eyes to protect them from the intensity. Once your eyes adjust to the difference, you lower your hand, a quiet gasp filled with wonder escaping your lips. 

“It is a beautiful sight, is it not?” Adrian’s voice is low as if speaking any louder would shatter the scenery in front of you. 

“This is gorgeous.” You say with a tone that matches his own. “I almost feel bad disturbing it in the slightest.” 

“Is this the first time you see this?” 

“With snow this thick? Yes, yes it is. We had snow back in my land, but it would always melt during the same day, this…” You take a deep breath in, letting the cold air filling your lungs energice you. “This is beyond beautiful.” 

“And this is not even the best part.” He says with a smile that dances in his eyes too. 

“What could be better than this?” You wonder with expectancy. 

“This.” He says taking a step into the snow. 

The air is filled with an oddly satisfying crunchy sound, and you, following suit take a step too. The same sound occurs, and with your smile becoming even wider you look at him before dropping his arm and running off with laughter leaving your lungs at each one of your strides. His laughter joins your own, the satisfying crunchy noise of his step joining your own. Your run is interrupted with jumps here and there, your body too delirious with joy to simply run along. 

* * *

After a few minutes of wild running she comes to a halt, he observes her, her cheeks, tinted with a rosy colour as puffs of white leaves her mouth with each breath she takes, her eyes, shining with the most pure of happiness, her hair, with locks escaping the braid resting over her shoulder. 

It was truly a beautiful sight. 

Leaning onto him she commences to walk once again, the smile in her face so wide that you are surprised it doesn’t split her face in half. She looks up, her eyes, filled with cheerfulness and wonder meeting his own. 

“This is wonderful.” She says, still seemingly amazed at everything around them. 

When was the last time that he had experienced anything with the same enthusiasm as hers? He could not recall, but watching her enjoying such unrestrained fun made him feel lucky to be there, to be able to witness it, to share this moment with her. He lifts his gloved hand, slowly bringing it to her cheek, mesmerised at the beauty of her, and as soon as it connects to her skin, it appears like the world becomes frozen in time. 

“Yes, it is.” He speaks in a whisper, his amber gaze lost in the vibrant pools of hers, and when he lowers his head to capture her lips in a quiet kiss, he hopes that she knows he is not referring to the scenery. 

* * *

With the sun further up in the sky and your pace back to normal, you gasp softly and stop when the sound of music reaches your ears. 

“Is that…?” You ask expectantly. 

“Yes, we are close now, the village is just down the valley.” He answers with a chuckle. 

You try to contain your excitement, promptly failing in an epic manner when with each step you take the music becomes clearer. You believe you can discern the voices of children singing songs along with it, and not long after the smell of cinnamon, honey, mulled wine and other scents you do not recognise but make you want to hurry your step nonetheless, reaches your nose. 

A few moments after, you find yourself at the entrance of a small village, and with it, your senses are assaulted with the many emotions that exude from it. You take a sharp breath in, letting your body adapt before getting any closer. Adrian notices the change right away, and placing his hand on your lower back he questions you with concern in his voice. 

“What is wrong?” 

“Nothing, truly.” You take another breath, this time deep and slow as you turn your face to his. “It has been a long time since I was around so many people, their emotions are running high at the moment.” Another breath. “And this… This is better than I expected.” 

Now used to the new pressure against your skin, you let all the different tones of happiness, excitement, mischief and peacefulness get absorbed into your own body, you feel your smile broadening when you feel yourself energized by them. 

“I had not taken into account the effect that all these people in the same place could have on me. It was never something I needed to consider before.” 

You leave the basket on the floor, the need to wrap your arms around him one you can not refuse, so you do exactly that as you let your head rest on his shoulder, his scent and warmth enveloping you when he uses his free arm to wrap you with his cloak. 

“I know I have been saying this the whole time…” You say in a whisper loud enough for him to hear. “But this _is_ wonderful.” 

You stay there for a moment in silence. You know that Adrian does not know what to say, but you don’t need him to utter a single world when he drops the basket that he was still holding and wraps his other arm around you, embracing you in the stillness of the moment while his love and content press against your skin, any trace of his worry now gone. With certain reluctance you take a step back, the soft caress of his longing for your touch momentarily brushing against you. Smiling, you remove one of your mittens so you can touch his cheek, now cold and with some more colour to it than his usual pale tone. Placing a soft kiss against his lips and caressing his skin with the back of your fingers, you breath your words with a hint of amusement in them. 

“Don’t be sad Adrian, we will have plenty of moments to enjoy each other's company.” 

A blush creeps into his face as his expression, before dazed by your affections, turns into a shyness that makes him utterly adorable to your eyes. Averting his eyes from you and turning his head away, he clears his throat and reaches for the basket he dropped earlier on before straightening his back. 

“Your abilities can be exceptionally bothersome at times.” 

You bark a laugh at his words, his blush only increasing with it, but a soft smile replacing the undignified frown that he had put on. With a content sigh you put the mitten back on, take the remaining basket and get a hold of his offering arm once more. 

“Let’s go before you decide to kidnap me back to your castle.” 

“Kidnap you? I believe you would be more than willing to come with me.” 

“But where is the fun in that? What if I wish to be seduced by the dashing dhampir, taken away amidst the chaos of a stormy night?” 

Joining you in the chuckles, he lowers his head to your ear as you approach the entrance to the village. 

“Just say the word and I will take you back in a spectacle that these villagers will never forget about.” 

After a playful shove and with the exchange now over, you return your attention to the scenery in front of you, the music is now clear in your ears, the chatter and the scents blending in harmony around you. A simple wooden wall frames the land around the village with a now frozen stream running along its shape. The bridge, now decorated with humble garlands along its railing gives way to the open doors that display a large wreath hanging from the middle. Passing the threshold you gaze in amazement at the tree sitting in the middle of what you assume is the main plaza. An assortment of garlands, winterberries and flowers adornate the snow covered branches, allowing some touches of red to show under the white. 

Just ahead you see families strolling through the different stalls that are set around the main area, all of them no doubt familiar with one another while the children run free. Snowballs are thrown recklessly, parents shouting orders to not go too far along with empty threats of sweets withdrawn if they do not behave, your eyes move towar-

“Mihai!” 

A child no older than five summers crashes against your side, promptly falling on his butt thanks to the impact. Before you have the chance to kneel down to help him up, a young woman approaches you, frowning at the youngster. However, as soon as her gaze falls on the pair of you, her eyes widen in surprise, bowing to you as she hurriedly says.

“Milady! I apologise for his behaviour, I was just-” 

Brushing her concerns aside and not wanting to stop to think how she referred to you as Lady when you are far from one, you kneel on the snow, interrupting her words in the process. 

“That’s quite alright Miss.” You say with a smile on your face as you help the child, now covered in snow from head to toe to his feet. “Mihai, I assume?” 

The child nods, a cute smile missing one tooth showing as you help him brush the snow from his clothes. 

“Yes, milady, my name is Mihai.” 

“What a beautiful name that is, my name is Xiana, is lovely to meet you, young man.” Nodding your head to him in what a small curtsy you can handle while on the floor, you stifle your laughter when he gives you an awkward bow in response. “Now…” You move your hand, inviting him to move closer with a conspiratorial tone in your voice. Your next words are whispered, and while you know Adrian can hear you, you are certain the mother of the child can not. “I think your mother is upset with you, so here…” Opening the basket just enough for him to see the contents inside, you continue. “Why don’t you give her one of these and apologise to her?” 

With a vigorous nod, Mihai takes one of the rose hip jam jars and tries to keep it as hidden from his mother’s view as possible. Walking back to her, the child waits until he is right next to her before offering the present with an apologetic smile. 

“Mama, I’m sorry for running away.” 

The mother, now more relaxed after the exchange between you and her child gives a sigh in response. 

“You cheeky little… did you even thank the Lady?” She says with a stern look and a nod towards you. 

“Thank you for the gift, Lady Xiana.” 

Chuckling at the words, you accept the hand Adrian offers you and get on your feet, brushing away the snow that sticks to the front of your dress. The mother, turning her attention to you, yet looking at the floor, says once again with an apologetic tone. 

“Again, milady, please let me apologise for him.” You can sense the nervousness exuding from her whole being and rubbing against you. She must think you are someone important, someone with the power to ruin her if you so wish. The thought greatly displeases you, so you put on your most kind voice when addressing her. 

“Please, Miss…?” 

“Covaci, milady.” She says still not meeting your gaze. 

“There is nothing to apologise for Miss Covaci, incidents are to be expected during Christmastide, especially when the festive mood is as joyful as the one here.” With her nerves still evident, you remove your mittens and extend your hand to her, and imprinting as much sincerity as you can in your words, you add. “And please, Xiana is more than appropriate.” 

She looks at your hand with clear doubts in her mind, but when she glances at your face and sees the gentle smile adorning your face, you feel the pressure of her emotions turn into a soft touch. Finally accepting your hand and shaking it, she says. 

“You are too kind, Xiana.” 

“Oh, nonsense, your child is simply too adorable to be upset.” 

Beaming at the compliment to her child, she looks at him with a love so deep emanating from her that you have to stop yourself from saying anything out loud. She ruffles his short, brown hair, and with a tone of voice now much softer and upbeat, she adds. 

“I must insist you call me Mihaela if you want me to use your first name.” The happiness in her voice as she watches her son run off once again is evident. 

“That is more than fair.” Following Mihai with your eyes, you see him running towards a man sitting behind a stall filled with metalwork. The man, who has a strong similarity to the youngster, picks him up and hoists him to his knee with no effort. “Your husband, I take?” 

“Aye, Ioan is his name.” 

The way in which she speaks his name, or the shine of her eyes as she watches her son and husband are more than enough to make her love for them obvious, but if that were not enough, the warmth that spreads over you at the strength of her affections would not let you doubt it even for a mere instant. Leaning back against Adrian in more instinct than thought, you are suddenly reminded that he has not been introduced. 

“Please, let me introduce you, this is Adrian.” You say while gently pushing him forward. 

“A pleasure, Mihaela.” He says with a nod of his head. You can feel his nerves flourish, and then you think that you are not really aware of what his social life was like. Regardless, you take hold of his hand and give it a gentle squeeze, and for good measure you poke gently at him with your magic. Visibly relaxing at the touch, a slight pink tint covers his cheeks, and you, can’t help but smile at it. 

“Newly wed aren’t you?” Mihaela looks at the two of you with a mischievous smile on her face, and while her words make you feel giddy, you do not wish to lie outright. 

“You could say so.” You respond with a chuckle when you see Adrian’s blush intensify, along with a small smile forming on his lips when looking at you. 

“Anyway, enough chatter here, let me introduce you to my family and warm up by the fire.” 

Making sure to not forget the basket you follow her to the stall owned by her husband, and only as you get close you notice an old lady behind them both, sitting next to a fire set on the porch behind them, sipping what you are sure must be mulled wine while eating some bite size biscuits. 

“Mother, Ioan, let me introduce you to this couple Mihai and I just met, Adrian and Xiana.” 

“Ah, so you are the kind lady that helped this troublemaker get out of it, uh?” The man speaks in a loud, kind voice, the old lady snickering behind him and adding. 

“Just so you know, the little pest is going to try and eat all of that jam.”

Laughing at their words, you cherish the warmth spreading through your body, a warmth that you know has nothing to do with the proximity to the fire, but the candid energy that flows amidst them. 

“Well, I would not blame him for it.” Adrian intervenes in a relaxed tone. “It is delicious.” 

Squinting at him, the old lady regards him with a frown, clearly failing whatever test she was putting him through. When you notice him straightening up under her scrutiny, you struggle to not interrupt the moment with your laughter. 

“You.” The lady says in a demanding tone while pointing at him. “Come here.” With no choice but to obey, he steps closer until he is standing in front of her. With her hand moving at a surprising speed for a woman of her age, she grabs his face and brings him to her level.  
  
“Mother!” Clearly horrified at her mother's antics, she steps closer to try to stop her. 

“Shush, girl! Let an old woman have her way for once.” Between whispers, Ioan leans closer and adds.

“For once she says…” 

“I might be old Ionut, but I’m not deaf!” She barks right away. 

Laughing at the pet name and putting his son on the floor he responds. 

“I know old Mother, you never let me forget it.” 

With eyes wide open but too stunned to do anything at all, Adrian stays there as he is examined almost as a piece of livestock. “You are a handsome young man, but far too thin”

Humoured at the scene, you almost breath in relaxation thinking you are free from her judgement when her sharp, squinting eyes turn to you. “You too.” Her voice commanding as it is makes your posture straighten up just like it did your beloved. “Way too thin! This won’t do, you both must stay and eat, and in the meanwhile, you must tell old Mother what a young couple like yourselves is doing here.” 

“Alright.” Mihaela says. “I’m going to check on young Crina, she will be waking up soon.” After that, she enters the house next to the stall for what you assume is checking on her daughter. 

“Go play, Mihai.” Ioan adds before turning to the both of you. “I trust old Mother will keep you entertained, these trinkets are not going to be sold by themselves.” 

With a nod of acknowledgment and the old woman pointing at some of the empty stools that are set around the fire, she invites you -or more truthfully, commands you- to sit down. 

Smiling brightly you do as she asks, accepting the mug of hot wine that she gives you. As soon as you take the first sip you hum with pleasure at the wonderful taste that fills your mouth. Adrian, -careful to keep his fangs from view- drinks his mug a lot more enthusiastically than you. 

“Would you prefer a barrel instead of a mug?” 

A loud ha escapes old Mother’s lips, along with a snickering I like this one. 

“A barrel would prove problematic to handle, so I will take a refill instead, if you are so kind…” 

“Oh just call me old Mother like everyone else does.” She says with a wide smile, clearly proud of the reaction the drink caused. 

“Is this wine your recipe, old Mother?” You infer. 

“‘Course it is! Best wine you will taste in the whole area no matter what that old hag at the tavern says.” 

Finding yourself completely delighted at her words, you decide to indulge her with more flattery. 

“I can not imagine anything tasting better than this! The cinnamon and apple on this truly brings the flavours up, I can tell I am missing something, but I can not tell what it is.” 

“It is a secret family recipe, sweet girl. Maybe I will tell you one day.” She adds with a wink. 

“I will strive to be worthy, old Mother.” 

Cackling in response, she hands you a plate with slices of a sweet smelling type of cake that you have never seen before. Taking a bite, already hopeful just with the smell, you feel yourself containing a moan of pleasure at the taste in your tongue. While you recognise the taste of most of the ingredients, the way they are mixed together to form this delicious treat nearly blows your mind. 

“What is this? It’s absolutely delicious.” 

Old Mother looks at you, even Ioan turns around from his work, both of them completely aghast, soon turning their gazes toward Adrian. 

“How could you not give your bride cozonac! With her accent is obvious that she is not from around here, but you?” Old Mother raises her hand, threateningly hovering over his head as if to strike at any moment. “Shame on you, young man, to not show her our delicious food. What about gogoși?” Taking a metaphorical step back, you observe what you presume is about to become into a brutal earful when the look on his face makes it clear that he has not, in fact, offered you that food. “Sarmale cu mămăligă?” 

With this seemingly being the last straw, her hand finally strikes against his arm, followed by a series of words that are spoken so fast you are not able to understand them. Whatever she is saying must be frightening, because Adrian looks positively like a kicked puppy. While you can feel that part of him feels slightly embarrassed, the strongest sensation against your skin is that of warmth and calm. 

He is loving this. 

With every bit of his soul. In the end it seems you were not the only one that needed this, to feel part of something else, to form bonds with others. Watching him accepting every single word, -taking in the slaps on his arms that he probably can not even feel under the thick layers of clothing, nodding at her and apologising, saying that he will do better, that he will ensure, on his honour, that you learn all the good things this lands has to offer-, makes you fall in love all over again. 

However, before old Mother can continue her more than justified reprimand, we are interrupted when snowflakes start to fall again and the wind commences to pick up. Sheltered as you were by the roof on the porch you had failed to notice the once blue sky turning grey as giant clouds engulfed the sun. 

“Seems like our queue to get back inside.” Says Ioan. 

Glancing around you notice that everyone around appears to be of the same mind as all the villagers start to retreat back to their homes as the vendors pack their things or quickly close a last minute deal. Parents all around, including Ioan, call for their children to get back home, and soon enough Mihai comes running. 

“You go inside, Mihai here will help me put everything inside will he not?” 

“Yes Papa! I know where everything goes now.” Sounding very proud of himself, you get on your feet and offer your arm to old Mother. 

“Ah, yes, help an old woman get inside.” Turning to Adrian and waves at the door. “Be a dear and open the door, young man.” 

Doing as she says, he takes two long strides and keeps the door open for us, a regal bow accompanying the notion. Though, as old Mother keeps talking to you about everything and nothing, you do not miss his amused mumbling filled with a wave of newly discovered fondness.

“This old hag…” 


	13. Chapter 13

PART TWO

The smell of food fills the room quickly as Mihaela -with Mihai’s enthusiastic help- starts to prepare the meal you will all have. Any attempts to help are rejected as she insists that you, being a guest, should do nothing but relax. You soon realise that this is a lost battle, and so here you are, sitting at the kitchen table keeping old Mother company as the three of you, along with Mihai’s excited chatter, talk about this and that. 

Meanwhile, Adrian sits next to the fireplace with Ioan and baby Crina, peacefully sleeping on her father’s arms. While you can’t hear their conversation, you can feel the relaxed atmosphere forming between them, -even if at some points you sense Adrian’s emotions becoming turbulent for just a moment-, and glancing at them you can not help yourself but smile at how comfortable your beloved is while he talks with the large man. At some point he even starts holding Crina, and while you are unable to hear what they say, you do not fail to see the panicked expression in his face before settling down, chuckling in response. 

Closing your eyes for a mere moment -while old Mother instructs her daughter on how to _properly_ season the pork-, you allow your senses to be invaded with the warmth layer of safety and love that lies in this house. It reminds you of days now passed, sitting with your own family just like this, and while the memories make you feel sadness, it is one of a different kind.

It no longer tears at your soul, now it is a quiet hum of longing, of missing them. Something that now you can begin to accept. 

You smile. 

You are shocked for a moment, unable to remember if this is the first time since your people were murdered. You feel a gentle pressure at your back, and without the need to turn around you are aware of Adrian subtly focusing on you from across the room. He of course had picked up on your surprise, and you, not wanting to concern him turn your face to offer him a reassuring smile. He smiles back at you, and with no need to utter a single word, you feel the sweet caress of his love brushing against you before relaxing on his seat and returning his attention to Ioan. 

Brushing those thoughts aside now that you were back in the present, you bring your attention to the scene taking place in front of you. Old Mother could not take waiting at the table anymore, the need to supervise that her daughter did not ruin their “ancestral” recipe greater than anything else. The old woman’s arched back hunches over the large pot as she brings a wooden spoon to her lips. Without realising you hold your breath, waiting for judgment to be served. After a pause that seems to last an eternity, she puts the spoon down and with a nod of approval, says. 

“I wouldn’t expect any less from my daughter.” 

You and Mihaela chuckle while Mihai jumps victorious. 

“Mama is the best cook in the world!” Old Mother looks at him with a raised brow, no words needed for the effect to take place. “And Grandma too! Grandma makes the _best_ cozonac in the world!” 

“That’s more like it you little rascal.” She says with her expression morphing into a loving smile as she messes up his hair. Mihai beans at her, and you can’t help but laugh at his little face, stained with flour, smiling so proudly. 

“You have a beautiful family, old Mother” You say as she sits at the table once again. She hums in response, pride fresh and strong against your senses. 

“They are good, but don’t say it too loud lest it goes to their heads.” Her response makes you laugh. 

“You certainly make a good job at keeping them on their toes.” 

“Someone has to, and God knows Ioan won’t.” She frowns with a disapproving grimace on her face, but all you sense from her is a strong wave of respect and appreciation. 

“He seems like a good man to me.” 

“Ah, he is, but way too soft if you ask me.” She speaks as her eyes move to him, and while doing so you do not fail to notice the barely visible smile tugging at her lips. “But enough of that, you have to tell me more about you and your husband.” 

Your husband. It still makes you smile that they believe that to be the case, and considering the flutter you feel on the back of your neck, so does Adrian. Marriage was something you were not familiar with, but you assumed it had the same or a similar significance to the ceremonies your people would practice for those who desired to form a formal bond. The thought of one day doing so makes your smile turn softer. 

“How did a lady like you even end up here, marrying a Wallachian?” The question is asked with pure curiosity, surely expecting a tale about love to make her day more exciting, and you can not blame the elder woman for it, however, right now you wish you had thought of this before going on your little adventure and thought of a reasonable story to give.

Lying does not sit well with you, but sadly you do not have any other choice. 

“I’m afraid it is not an easy story.” You say with a strained smile. 

Part of you considers dropping the subject, at your words and tone, you feel the concern growing in the room, you sense Adrian’s attention on you, and you know for a fact that everyone here would be understanding of your silence. But you know that giving some half truths and erasing some of the mystery that surrounds your strange pairing would be a more practical outcome. Besides, you do not wish for the guilt that you feel growing on old Mother to linger. You find it touching, how this woman who is clearly stubborn and hard boiled is quick to regret her words at the face of making unpleasant memories resurface, and so you settle on giving her some of the truth. 

“I fare from the Kingdom of Castille, I was forced to leave it behind when the land was ravished by a truly horrific plague.” You speak quietly, reminiscing the day in your mind, feeling the ever present presence of Adrian -so close to your soul that you could even say you feel it within- giving you strength. “I was spared from that fate because I was not there during the worst of it. After my homeland was destroyed I had no choice but to travel, all my close relatives had passed away…” 

“Oh dear child.” 

Old Mother covers your hand -that had turned into a fist- with her own, and at the touch you feel her protective, nurturing nature blanketing your scarred heart. She doesn’t add any more words, her intent more than evident on the sadness that you can not only feel, but see in her eyes. Putting your other hand over hers you give it a reassuring squeeze, and with just the subtlest of nudges from your abilities, you try to shift some of the guilty feelings into something gentler. Her body relaxes as compassion takes over the guilt, the sorrowful eyes regarding you in a different light. 

“I was aware of some distant relatives living in Hungary, and that was where I was headed, hoping that they would take me in and allow me to start over.” You pause for a moment, trying to appear as if gathering your words due to the hardship you went through, when in truth, you are trying to think of a believable way to continue your tale. “I was near my destination when my escort and I were attacked, I will spare you details of what happened, but I was fortunate enough to run from the attackers and stumble upon Adrian. He gave me shelter while I tried to arrange my future, and that is how we came to be you could say.” 

You glance at him, remembering the true encounter that took place, a small smile of mixed emotion forming on your lips. It had truly been a bloody start, and yet, a part of you is glad that it all happened. Is it selfish, you question yourself, knowing the price of meeting him and yet unable to deny that a part of you does not regret it, that a part of you trembles at the thought of never coming across him even if the cost was a terrible one to pay. 

When old Mother’s gentle touch turns into a grasp, you realise you have been silent for longer than you intended. 

“Apologies, I got quite lost in my thoughts.” 

“Shush child, your story is a tragic one, you don’t have to apologise for it.” She speaks firmly, her touch reassuring, and for that you are grateful. “The Lord gives the hardest tests to the brightest of us, but do not forget that his challenges come with a reward, that he does not punish for no reason, and seeing how happy you seem to be with your husband, believe that all your suffering was not for nothing.” 

You try to keep your emotions under control, mostly the anger and hate that start to simer inside your veins. You know that she means well, that for her, her God is a being that would never harm without reason, that she has no way of knowing that, as everything you knew was destroyed, it was being brought to ruin in his name. So you close your eyes, -a gesture that you know she interprets differently to what it truly is- and control yourself. 

With an exhale, you smile at her. She means well, you repeat to yourself, her sympathy for you is real, her faith in her Lord, too, and you cannot fault her for that, not when her heart is clearly in the right place. And in the end, even if her words are said for a God that you do not care for, they ring true in some of it. Your suffering was not for naught, and if not for it you would not have found the one that your heart chose. 

“Thank you, old Mother, your words bring me more comfort than you know.” 

“Sometimes you simply must have faith, dear child, in the end whatever is meant to happen, will happen, you just need to believe and do the best you can with what you have in the meanwhile.” She pauses again, and you feel the uncertainty in her voice before so continues. “I know what is to lose a loved one, I am an old woman and lost one too many during my lifetime, but something that always brings me comfort is knowing that the Lord took them in his arms, as I am sure he did with the ones you lost.” 

Giving her a final squeeze, you nod in acknowledgement before she lets go of your hand with a scoff. 

“But enough of that! Now, let’s drink and enjoy the day like those two are doing over there.” She says while pointedly looking over at the two men and babe sitting by the fire. 

You look at them, taking the cup that is once again full and taking a generous gulp. Adrian turns his face to you, smiling in a way that makes you feel like if you are in the right place, and as you smile at him, feeling a warmth that you cannot tell if it’s caused by the wine or him, you say. 

“Yes, lets.” 

* * *

  
  


Adrian sits by the fire, he and Xiana quickly separated as soon as they walked into the house. While he was not amused at the prospect, he could not deny that watching her sharing conversation with others was a pleasing view. She looked happy like this, he noticed, her face just lighting up as she laughed at the antiques of the family. And well, if he was being honest, Ioan was much nicer company than he had anticipated. 

He had learned that despite his large size and intimidating features, the man had a gentle soul, something that is clear as day as he watches him cooing at his daughter and lulling her into sleep. He observes the scene in silence, not wanting to disturb the babe as she slips into the land of dreams. A few moments more pass, and when baby Crina is fast asleep, Ioan smiles with satisfaction as he returns his attention to the dhampir. 

“Victory.” 

Both men let a low chuckle escape their lips at the simple word. 

“You seem well accustomed to it.” 

“Ye, I am, more often than not I have an easier time putting this one to sleep.” His eyes turn back to the sleeping face of the babe, the shine in them shifting into tenderness at the mere sight of her. “Would not have it any other way anyway.” 

Watching Ioan like this makes him wonder if his father was the same when he, himself, was a babe. Had he held him like this? Put him to sleep? His thoughts however, can not stray for long when the man speaks again. 

“You will see when you have children of your own, the love you feel for them… is just different.” He pauses for a moment, as if thinking his words carefully. “I’ve never felt more proud or scared than the day Mihai was born. Well, and little Crina too. That first time when you get to finally hold your babe is a unique moment, you will treasure it when it happens to you.” 

Children. That was something he had never stopped to think about. In truth, he had never entertained the thought because he had never considered it to be a real possibility. Not only was he a dhampir, but he was also the son of Dracula, tasked with a quest that he was certain would not survive. Pondering about the future had been a useless effort, something that he had denied himself to spare his human heart from any more pain than necessary.

He would not be the one to get a happy ending, and he had come to terms with it. 

But that was not the case anymore, was it? Now he had Xiana, and all the choices that had been nothing but dreams could be real now, perhaps? Having a family with her… It was a thought that he enjoyed, but also one that terrified him. 

His parents had been happy too, his parents had the dream, his parents had it all until they did not. What if that was the destiny that awaited him? What if-

Adrian stops when he sees the man’s eyes going slightly glassy. Is he about to cry, he questions himself in surprise. 

His silent question is answered when Ioan sniffles, his free hand quickly moving to wipe his eyes. 

“Ugh, alright that’s enough sentimentalism for today, my lovely wife would kill me if I made our guests feel awkward.” He glances at her with a smile full of false weariness before whispering. “Don’t tell her about this little outburst of mine, she will never let me hear the end of it.” 

Adrian barks a laugh at his words, quickly covering his mouth to hide his fangs from view. Ioan takes this in a different way, and brushes the air at it. 

“Don’t worry about the noises, now that she’s finally asleep she won’t wake up until she’s hungry.” Looking at him and with a smile full of pride he asks. “Would you like to hold her?” 

“What? No I-” 

“Nonsense, you can consider this practice for the future.” 

Getting up on his feet he is next to Adrian in one single step, and with skilled movements he positions baby Crina in his arms before he has any time to refuse. Adrian is shocked, to say the least, he has never done this, what if he drops her, what if she starts to cry, what if- However he can not duell on this as he needs to ensure the baby is safely positioned in his hold. The babe’s face scrunches at the movement, -panic rising for a second as he thinks she will wake up, the chuckle he hears from Xiana one that does not escape his kin hearing-, almost as if she was deciding in her sleep if the disruption was worth waking for, but as soon as she is finally in place and all movement has stopped, her expression goes slack once more. 

Wrapped in a blanket and with a hat covering her hair, she barely moves as she continues her sleep, and as the dhampir looks at her between astonishment and wonder, the father whispers. 

“Isn’t she beautiful?” 

“Yes, she is.” 

He had never really been in touch with babies, his life not being one that led to such opportunities, but having this tiny creature there, so peaceful and tranquil, feeling clearly safe and cherished as she sleeps, makes something in him grow. It is hard to tell what it is, he feels protective, for sure, but that is likely a natural response, he tells himself. For a second, he allows his imagination to run free, to let his silly human heart dream of a possible future in which he is holding his own babe, his and Xiana, and for that single second he feels something that he can not comprehend. 

Ioan grabs some cups that rest over the fireplace before sitting back down, the dhampirs attention shifting to him with the babe still in his arms, and just like that, his day dreaming ends. Ioan grabs a bottle that is sitting by his feet, pouring them both a drink and handing it over to Adrian. Taking a sip, he places the cup on the floor, careful to not disrupt the babe. 

“You will make a good father, I can already tell, my friend.” His words make him blush slightly, a small smile forming at the words. “And she likes you too.” 

“How do you know?” 

“She’s still sleeping, ha!” He slaps his own leg, as if what he just said was somehow hilarious. “Usually she would be crying by now if a stranger was holding her, it's like she has a nose for it even when she’s asleep.” Seeing the confusion in his expression, wondering why he would give him his daughter if that was the most common outcome, he hurries to say. “Nay, don’t look at me like that, I just knew she would like you, from where do you think she takes that sense to sniff out good people?” 

Taking another swing from his drink, he offers him a bright smile. 

“But enough of that, how are you enjoying it here?” 

“Here? In your house?” 

“Nay, in the area, you must be a Lord or something of the sort, just with how you dress and talk, but I’ve never seen you before around these parts, or heard of you.” He laughs, and then quickly clears his throat. “No offence.” 

That he said he had never heard about him was something he found ironic to say the least. If he just introduced himself by Alucard and showed him his fangs, he would know right away. It was odd, not being known, but it was a feeling he enjoyed. 

“None taken.” Perhaps Xiana was right after all when making fun of his manners, he thinks with a restrained snort. “You could say I am somewhat new to the area, but I am finding this village to be most pleasant.” 

“Aye, tis a nice place to live, perhaps we will see you and your wife more often, then. If you enjoy the Christmastide festivities you should be here for Pascha, I’m sure your lady will love it too.” 

His wife. He repeats in his head, feeling a light blush spreading through his cheeks. Funny enough, as Ioan says those words, he can hear old Mother referring to him as Xiana’s husband, and at the coincidence of the situation his blush morphs into a smile. 

Maybe one day, he tells to himself.

“I am certain she will be delighted to come.” 

“Then it’s settled!” The man says enthusiastically. “The pasca that old hag makes is the best thing I ever tried, and the lamb stew my wife makes, every year she cooks it for the whole village, and I swear each time it just gets better.”  
  
As he watches this kind man talking about his family and how great they are, he feels that, right now, he does not regret what he had to do. Observing them and their happiness, their simple life that does not deserve to be ripped to shreds, he is glad that this was not destroyed by his father’s hand. 

Adrian suddenly grows tense, something that he tries to force down and be subtle about. But when old Mother questions Xiana about how they met, he can not help himself but feel alert. He knows what that question will bring to the surface, the memories that accompany it. Part of him wants to get up and be there right next to her, to offer her comfort if she so needs, but he does not wish to bring unnecessary attention to it, so instead, he attempts to make his presence known, hoping that her abilities are able to sense it, hoping that she knows he is there. 

Her body relaxes almost immediately, and with it, he feels his own settling down. 

He listens attentively while pretending that his attention is trained on Ioan, aware that he must know the same story as her as a precaution, but also because he can not refuse the feeling, the unstoppable need that urges him to be ready to put an end to the conversation if Xiana’s state becomes one of sorrow. 

She keeps talking, and when she finishes her story all he wishes is to hold her. He tells himself that he will check on her when they are alone, back at the castle and the embrace of one another. 

When old Mother speaks, he can feel the quickening of Xiana’s heart, the scent of what he knows is anger growing, and while his eyes are looking at Ioan, his every sense is focused on her. He pays no mind to the words of the old woman, himself way more preoccupied with the well being of the one who holds his heart, and while doing so, something inside him, so subtle that he can not even feel it, changes. 

An odd feeling courses through him, almost as if he could tell what her state is as she moves through her different emotions, as if a part of him was attuned to her in a way that was way beyond his abilities. Was this caused by her, somehow? He finds himself at a loss for answers, but if whatever this is helps her maneuver through the chaos that her heart can be, then he will gladly allow it to happen. 

Not long after, Xiana glances at him, something that he notices right away even with his gaze away from her. Turning enough to face her, he offers her a smile, a smile in which he tries to pour his emotions, just for her to see. She smiles in return, and when her attention goes back to old Mother, her entire body now relaxed and at peace, he feels himself doing the same. 

“You really love her, don’t you?” 

“Pardon?” Adrian questions, startled. 

“The way you look at her, you are not as subtle as you think you are, my friend.” His smile is an honest one. The fact that he could tell so easily makes him feel both strange and oddly… pleased. “Tis not always that you see a marriage of love with your kind.” 

“My kind?” He could not have possibly realised, had he? 

“Noble folk, everyone knows how your marriages are done for power, but the two of you are so in love with one another that you could not hide it even if you wanted to.” He chuckles at his own words, his large hand falling on Adrian's shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “I know it is not my place to say this, but treasure what you have, tis a one in a lifetime thing.” 

He finishes his drink, and not giving him time to respond, he gets on his feet and carefully takes the babe from Adrian’s arms. 

“Now, let’s put this little one in her crib and see what the ladies are doing over there, Mihai can only help for so long before my lady shouts at me to do something for her.” He adds the last part with a wink, and he, too, finishing his drink, takes both cups and gets to his feet. 

“I know of another lady that does the very same thing.” 

“Ha! You have no choice but to love them, don’t you?” 

They both laugh, Adrian still careful to cover his mouth, and as Ioan heads into a separate room to put his daughter down, he walks to the kitchen area. 

“Where should I put these ones?” 

A gasp is the response he gets when Mihaela turns around and sees him holding the empty cups. She rushes to his side and practically snatches them from him while she insists that he sits down. 

“That man! I can’t believe he left this for you, I-!” 

Taking a seat next to Xiana, he chuckles. 

“That is quite alright, is no trouble.”

“No trouble! That is not the point you are our guest! You shou-!” 

“Oh, hush girl, let the man be useful, I’m sure his hands won’t fall off from it.” 

Everyone laughs at her words while Mihaela tries and fails to repress hers. 

“Alright, alright, I give up trying to be a good host.” 

“Oh, nonsense, Mihaela, you are being more than gracious.” Says Xiana, her voice sincere and affectionate. 

The compliment makes the other woman smile proudly, although, also makes her blush. 

“Again, you are too kind, this is the bare minimum-” 

“For the love of God, will you just take the compliment, girl?” 

“Fine! Fine! Clearly everyone is against me.” She says dramatically as her attention is back to the food, bringing the wooden spoon to her lips and nodding in approval she adds. “Mihai, how’s the pie going?” 

Almost tripping on his hurry to the oven, young Mihai looks inside with a frown, clearly concentrated in his task. 

“I think it’s ready Mama!” 

“Let me see.” Walking there until she is behind her son, she puts her arms around him and looks inside. “Mmm, that does look ready indeed, good job, son.” Giving him a kiss on the cheek she gets back up and tells him. “Why don’t you start to set the table, puiule?” 

With a nod, he runs to a cabinet and janks it open in his enthusiasm. There, a set of plates and pots waits, and with careful movements he stacks as many as he can carry before going to the large table that waits in the main room. 

Watching the family working like this makes it easy for him to picture a future such as this for himself, he thinks, and when Xiana slides her hand on his own and offers him the brightest smile, his heart skips a beat at the vision. 

“Let’s help little Mihai, I at least have been idle for too long.” 

“What? No!” Mihaela starts to protest once again, but with a chuckle Xiana gets to her feet and pulls him along with her. Adrian gives an apologetic smile to the woman, one that says _I have to agree with her._

As she is getting ready to say something else, Ioan comes back, this time alone. 

“What is all this ruckus? Are you trying to do something else besides drinking and eating?” Mihaela’s mouth is closed shut when her husband, without having been present to any of it, knows exactly what the fuss is about. “Bullseye, aye?” 

Laughing he goes to stand next to his wife, and almost engulfing her in his arms he lifts her up and gives her a kiss on the tip of her nose. 

“Put me down, Ioan!” 

“Aren’t you adorable?”

“Ioan! Not in front of the guest, oh Lord” She mumbles under her breath as she blushes furiously. 

Quicker than he would have expected, Xiana gets on her tiptoes and plants a kiss on Adrian’s cheek. The sudden motion catches him by surprise, and feeling a blush of his own spread through his cheeks, her laugh resonates through the house. 

“If he can give her a kiss on the nose, then I can give you a kiss on the cheek.” 

“These youngsters…” mumbles old Mother with amusement on her voice. “Now, all of you stop it and do what you are supposed to! All this nonsense is getting on my nerves.” 

“Yes, old Mother.” Everyone says at unison, causing another round of laughs to erupt. 

“Then, Mihai,” Xiana says as the young man comes back, “will you show me where you keep your cutlery?” 

“Yes! Here, come with me, I’ll show you.” 

Grabbing her hand he pulls her to a set of cabinets, opening them and giving her an explanation of where everything was meant to go and what each instrument was supposed to be for while grabbing them one by one. Xiana listens attentively, nodding time to time and adding comments of her own. Counting everyone in the room, Mihai says. 

“We are going to need six of each, but I can’t grab them all by myself.” 

“Well, that’s fine since we are here to help you, is that not right, Adrian?” 

“You are correct, now, if the young man can lead the way.” 

With the three of them carrying the cutlery, Mihai walks in front of them while saying. 

“Like this, you put them in this order.” 

Carefully placing them as indicated, Adrian adds. 

“Is this good?” 

With a critical eye, Mihai looks at the placement and finally nods. 

“Yes! That’s very good, good job!” 

Chuckling at the words, they continue to set the table, and as he puts a plate down and observes Xiana conversing with the young child, he decides that this type of life is one he can easily get used to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I sure love that I am finally getting to write all the cute moments that Alucard deserves, man.


	14. Chapter 14

PART THREE

After the meal was finished, the day had continued in a more than enjoyable manner. You had tried to convince Mihaela to allow you to help her, but your every attempt had been met with complete refusal. The afternoon soon shifted into the evening, time flying past much faster than you could have imagined. With the snowfall growing more violent outside you did not have much of a choice but to stay indoors with their company, and in the span of a few hours you have come to learn a lot about this family. 

Apparently, Ioan’s family business had always been blacksmithing, something passed down generation from generation, the house that he calls his own being one owned by his parents, and their parents before them, far back in time, so far that he was unsure on when exactly it came to be. 

You also learned that Mihaela on the other hand, is a seamstress. Something that she had learned from Old Mother too, her talent so great that she had actually started to sell some of her creations. Listening to her talk about it was delightful, the passion slipping through her voice one that was evident. 

You had asked how they had met, once that she told you how she did not grow up here, but a larger town some hundreds of miles away. The town was known for having one of the larger markets in the area, and once a year, for two whole weeks, they invited people from all over to come and sell their wares. Ioan’s family had always participated in the event, and when he was old enough to go with his father, he had met Mihaela. They had both been children, but according to them it had been puppy love at first sight. 

During those two first weeks they promised to each other that they would meet during next year's market once again, and truth to their word, so they did. These encounters kept happening, soon with the months in between being filled with correspondence to one another, until one year, after Ioan had taken over the business and considered himself able to provide for her, he decided he wanted to live for the rest of his days by her side. 

And so, that is how he forged two rings and during that year’s market he proposed to her. The rest was rather straightforward, she had moved to the village with him and lived together for a few years before having their first child, Mihai. Not long afterwards, when he was just above the one year of age, they had received a letter from her relatives informing her that her father had passed away. After traveling for the funeral, Mihaela had had an argument with her mother so she would come live with them, something that the old woman tried to refuse. 

Eventually, of course, she agreed, and that is how you find yourself today in this warm room, surrounded by a close knitted family that did not hesitate to open their doors to neither of you. 

Listening to the story had been one of the most endearing tales you had witnessed in a long time. Ioan had been close to tears as he narrated the proposal, how lucky he was and is that this incredible woman accepted him, and Mihaela’s smile as she looked at her husband reflected a love so deep that made you avert your eyes due to the intensity of it. 

Now, here you are, back at the kitchen and holding baby Crina. The snowfall has turned into a full blizzard, and so it was decided that you two would expend the night here if it did not recede. 

“Aren’t you a cute little babe?” You coo to the baby girl in your arms. She giggles and smiles at you, her small hands grabbing your hair, braided along with red ribbons and examines it. 

“Pretty!” Her arm janks at your hair, and with a fake auch you take hold of it. “Auch.” She repeats after you. 

Gently pulling your hair out of her grasp, you add.

“Yes, auch, pulling hair is bad.” 

She looks at you, concentration obvious in her features. 

“Auch?” 

“Exactly, pulling hair means auch.” 

“No auch.” 

“Very good, you are very clever Crina.” 

“Good!” She repeats with another giggle. You know that she does not understand what you said, but she certainly knows that good is something nice, and on top of that, the wide smile on your face just reflects that. 

When she starts to kick the hair, you know right away that she wants to go down on the floor, your experience with babies being an extensive one on top of your abilities makes it easy for you to understand her wishes. It reminds you of all the babes you helped raise back in your homeland, of all the children you played with, all the toddlers you helped to walk, learn to talk or use their magic, and while a part of you stings with it, having this babe right here acts like a balm over your aching wound. Her emotions are as pure as they can be, simple and intense, something that grounds you. 

Putting her down and letting her hold your hand, you start to walk around the house, letting her take you anywhere she chooses. Without the need to turn around, you can tell someone is paying close attention to you, and with the help of your abilities, you are rather sure the one is Mihaela. You feel hesitance emanating from her, along with a tang of sadness and tenderness. Turning around, you see her looking at you, the emotions you feel clearly reflected on her expression. 

“Is everything alright?” 

Startled, her eyes become focused on you, on the now. 

“What? I- Yes, yes, every is fine.” She pauses, hesitant once again. “I’m sorry, I do not mean to bring back any bad memories-” Once again she stops herself, unsure on how to word her thoughts, you believe. 

“It’s fine Mihaela.” You reassure her. With a sigh, she rubs her forehead for a moment, a saddened smile forming on her lips.

“It’s just…” She takes a breath, another pause, and finally she settles for something else, something that is not as direct but let’s you know what she was thinking. Stepping closer, she holds your free hand with both of hers and squeezes it gently. “You can be with her for as long as you want.” 

Part of you is stunned at how perceptive she is, and for a second you wonder if she is simply good at it or if she has some type of ability such as yours. She had picked up on your mixed emotions while holding her daughter, so much that it had caught your attention, and without the need for words, she had understood why. You feel tears prickling at your eyes, tears you quickly get rid of with the back of your hand as soon as she lets go of your hand. 

“Thank you.” You say quietly.

She shakes her head, her smile softer now, gentler, understanding. 

“Don’t mention it.” And with that, she ruffles Crina’s hair and goes back to preparing food for supper. 

“Now I know why you are so clever, Crina, you take it from your Mama, don’t you?” 

“Mama.” She says while pointing at her. 

“Yes, that’s Mama, very good.” 

With another giggle, she goes back to walking, this time running -or more like stumbling while you do not let her fall- towards Adrian and her brother. 

“Mimi!” 

“Careful!” He shouts with an intensity that could rival that of crafters working on a delicate job. Adrian does not even spare you a glance, his entire self solely focused on the game at hand. 

“Mimi?” Baby Crina inquires. 

“We are playing pick up sticks, Cri, we can’t move anything.” 

She nods in response, again not fully understanding the situation, but probably picking on the serious tone of her brother’s voice. 

Picking her up, you sit on the floor with them and put her in your lap. Offering her your hair as a distraction, she happily remains entertained as you move your attention to the game. Adrian’s hand inches closer and closer to a simple stick, you have to force down the laugh at the _absolute_ concentration on his deep frown. 

“Will you explain to me the rules, Mihai?” You say in a whisper.

With a resolute node, he clears his throat and whispers back. “The rules are easy. You get all the sticks, put them together then throw them. You have to pick sticks, but you can’t move other sticks or you lose your turn. The one with more sticks wins the game.” 

“I see.” You hum in understanding, nodding along for good measure, and then look at the sticks gathered in the middle along with the small piles on both their sides. At a glance, it looks like Adrian is losing. 

“Yes!” He exclaims victorious after successfully extracting one of the sticks and adding it to his pile, his frown morphing to a wide grin. This time, you can not suppress the laughter. 

Finally looking at you, his expression softens, a light blush covering his cheeks as he smiles at you, embarrassment at his own enthusiasm and competitive nature evident. Having none of that, you smile back and say. 

“You got this.” 

“I don’t know about that, this urchin is much better than he appears.” 

“I’m not an urchin!” Mihai exclaims, crossing his arms while pouting and frowning at the insult. 

“You are most definitely not.” You say while Adrian and him glower at each other. “He is bitter because he is a sore loser.” 

“I thought you were on my side!” Adrian’s affronted voice claims. 

“And I am! But…” You glance at the play field and the remaining sticks, giving a meaningful look at his pile. 

“But what? Go on, say it.” He frowns at you, accusations glaring at you like daggers while he crosses his arms, mirroring Mihai’s posture. 

You try to not laugh and fail, you chortle with glee, so much that Crina turns her attention from your hair to you. 

“Look Crina, it looks like you have another child to play with!” 

Adrian gasps audibly, but before any of you can say anything else Mihai shouts an urgent no as the babe’s eyes, now focused on the coloured sticks, moves forward and scatters them all around. Too late to react, the whole thing is now a mess that can not be salvaged. 

“I was winning!” Mihai says with a whine. 

“I suppose we will never know now.” Adrian says with a way more smug tone than he has any right to. 

“Let’s play again.” The child’s tone is full of determination, something that seems to be contagious as he throws a challenging look to Adrian. 

“You are on.” 

“No you are not.” Says Mihaela’s voice from the kitchen. “Puiule, time to set the table.” 

Tense moments of silence pass between the two of them, both _children_ -because that is what Adrian is right now- glaring and not wanting to step back. The silent battle continues, and when it appears that is going to reach the tipping point, Crina’s hands slam on the sticks and scatter them around even more. With that, tension is broken, and throwing another dirty look at Adrian before starting to gather all the sticks.

“Yes Mama.” 

With Mihai now tidying up, Adrian sighs and helps him, carefully opening Crina’s grip on some of the sticks. Once all is gathered up, the boy goes to the kitchen to help his mother, the competitive aura that surrounds him being substituted with hunger and anticipation with each step closer to the cooking meal. 

“Pretty.” Crina’s little voice peeps up next to you, and turning your eyes to the scene you can do nothing but smile. 

Crina had stumbled to Adrian’s lap, and now she was patting his face while saying pretty one more time. 

“He is pretty isn’t he?” 

“Pretty, pretty!” She repeats with the enthusiasm characteristic of a babe. 

Adrian’s stunned expression looks between you and the babe, his arms going around her without thinking when she stumbles back. She giggles, and grabbing onto his vest with tiny fists and his help, she pulls herself forward, and then, without warning, falls backwards again. 

“What is she doing?” He asks unsure and worried of any injury. 

“I think she just wants to play with you.” 

“This is not safe.” 

“You are holding her, Adrian, it will be fine.” You say with a chuckle.

“But what if she slips?” 

“She will not.” 

“But what if-” 

“Hush, it is fine, you are sitting on the carpet anyway, and babes are more resistant to falls than they look, especially when they are learning how to walk.” 

Still unsure but deciding to trust your words, he continues the motions of bringing her close and then letting her fall backwards before catching her, Crina’s excited gurgles and giggles filling the room. One of the times she falls backwards her eyes lock on the ceiling, and with a surprised, serious expression, she points up. With both of you following her finger, you see some of the Christmastide decorations hanging from there, and with a knowing smile you get up. 

“Come on.” You gesture for Adrian to get up, and looking at the babe, you say. “Are you curious, Crina? Do you want a closer look?” 

Her expression of awe and her piercing gaze is entirely focused on the decorations that reflect the flames of the candles and fireplace that light up the room. Her arms stretch towards the ceiling, and with a chuckle, you nudge Adrian. 

“Lift her up.” 

He looks at you with the most deadpan expression. 

“No.” 

You laugh harder than you should. 

“She won’t fall, just hold her firmly.” Stepping closer so only he can hear you, you whisper in his ear. “You have incredible strength and speed, there is literally anywhere else where she would be safer than with you.” 

After a moment of silence and growing eagerness rising inside of him, he finally agrees. He lifts her up until she can almost touch the ceiling, and with absolute silence, she slaps one of the decorations. When it bounces back, she laughs, and so she does it again and again. After a while, she starts to kick the air again and look at the floor, and with a smile you tell him. 

“Bring her down quickly, babes love that.” 

“How?” 

Deciding that a demonstration might be easier, you ask him to hand you the girl, and when he does, you bring her as high as you can before quickly pulling her down near the floor. Her excited gurgles fill the room once again, and so, you repeat the motion. 

“Up!” You say as you pull her up. “Down!” And you bring her down. “Just like that.” 

You pass the baby back to him, and with some hesitance, he starts to do the same. Soon, his nervousness shifts into ease, and soon, into fun. His entire face lights up as he keeps hoisting the babe up and down, her joyful sounds mixing with Adrian’s as they continue to play. A few minutes later you see him blushing furiously, carefully putting her in the ground and clearing his throat. Making sure to turn away from the kitchen, you glance at the room to see Mihale, Ioan and old Mother snickering while sneaking glances at you, and considering the expression on your beloved’s face and their mood, you wonder what they said. 

Mihaela, humour still clear in her voice, let’s you know that dinner is ready, and so, you go back to the table. With one hand each, you help Crina to walk back, and when she is next to her father, he hoists her up and sets her in a high chair designated for her. 

“That was nice.” He says quietly as you sit on the table now that the blush is gone, his tone and soft demeanor indicating that to him, it was more than nice. Humming in response you smile at him. 

“It was.” 

And with that, everyone starts to chatter while serving food.

  
  
  


_A while later..._

  
  
  


“I believe I won’t be able to move for the next week” You murmur, your hand resting on your filled with food belly. “Everything was beyond delicious, Mihaela.” 

She smiles at your words, words that are clearly true considering the many empty dishes gathered around the table. A faint blush covers her cheeks, and with it, you feel the mixture of happiness and pride emanating from her, brushing against your senses in gentle waves. 

“I must agree,” adds Adrian, “I believe after today I will not be able to eat anything for days.”

“Oh, you exaggerate.” She says, the blush spreading at the praise. 

Ioan’s laughter resonates inside the room, his arm curling around his wife’s shoulder, leaning over and planting a loud kiss against her temple. She attempts to push him away, the flush on her cheeks becoming redder by the second. 

“I told you, friends, my lady here is the best cook in this entire place.” 

“Stop it.” She whispers while slapping his leg. 

“But it is the truth, dragă.” 

Your hand rests on Adrian’s leg while you smile at the exchange. They are a lovely couple, of that there is no room for doubt, but as you sit there, with your lover by your side and this family around you, you feel at peace. The emotions that flow in between them both are some that you are familiar with, emotions that, nevertheless, you won’t get tired of seeing. 

They continue their banter as old Mother, Adrian and you chuckle at the exchange, still too full to move, feeling tiredness creeping within your system. 

“Mama.” 

Mihai’s voice is a quiet mumble breaking through their pretend argument, nothing when compared to the excited chatter that he was babbling just a few minutes ago. Sitting to her left, he leans against his mother, pulling her dress and asking for her attention. Sleepiness is taking hold of him now that he has eaten at least twice his weight, by the looks of it, and considering how you too feel ready to drift off to a welcoming slumber, you believe he has the right idea. 

“Do you want to go to bed puiule?” Her focus entirely on her son now, her hand moves to his hair, patting it with love as he just hums and nods against her body. Picking him up, his head falling against her shoulder and his arms wrapped around her neck, she excuses herself before taking her son to an adjacent room. “Time to put this one to sleep it appears.” Before leaving, she adds. ““Looking at the storm outside you should stay the night at the very least.” 

With a glance at Crina, who has fallen asleep on her chair, she looks at Ioan. There are no needs for words as he says. 

“I’ll take care of her, don’t you worry.” 

“I leave you in his hands then.” She says with a smile.

With you and Adrian nodding in response, satisfied, humorous smiles still dancing on your lips, she finally makes her way up the stairs. 

With a content sigh, you too lean against the person sitting next to you, your head comfortably falling against Adrian’s shoulder. 

“You know, I think little Mihai might be onto something.” 

“Do you also need a nap?” He says with amusement.

“Do you not? I feel like I am ready to hibernate after eating that much.” 

“I do not feel ti…” A yawn makes him unable to continue, and at that, you can not help but laugh with pure mirth. Silently blinking at the perfect timing of his treacherous body, he concedes with a grumble. “Maybe it is a good idea after all.” 

A grunt from old Mother as her eyes start to shut close lets you know that apparently everyone is of the same mind. Ioan chuckles, and dragging the chair across the floor, he gets on his feet and he says. 

“Let me clean the little one and put her to bed before I set you up. You can have our room for tonight.” 

“Are you sure?” You question. “I would hate to impose, and you have already been so kind to us, we would be more than happy to sleep down here.” 

“Tis fine, although truth be told I’m surprised you haven’t fallen asleep on the table like Crina after how the two of you stuffed your face.” 

The three of you laugh, joined by old Mother’s chuckle, who despite having her eyes closed, is clearly still listening. 

“I will admit that remaining conscious is becoming increasingly difficult.” Adrian adds as he tries to stifle another yawn. 

“Then that’s settled, give me a few minutes.” 

Taking his sleeping daughter out of her chair, he too walks upstairs while cooing at her. After a few minutes he comes back with a smile and says.

“Let’s go lovebirds.” 

With considerable effort, you get up, and for a second you wonder if perhaps rolling towards a bed would be easier than walking, however, before you can think about this theory for long, a single glance at the table makes you feel a pang of guilt while observing the mess. 

“What about all this? I would be happy to help before retiring for the night.” 

“Nay, are you crazy? Do you want my lady to have my hide? If I let either of you lift a single finger the next thing you will be served for food will be my head.” 

His laugh reverberates through the room once more, and again, you can not help yourself but join. Adrian chuckles right behind you, his warmth slipping through the fabric of your dress and pleasantly warming your skin. 

“I guess we have no choice then.” 

“That’s right.” He smiles this time, his expression one of content and peace. 

“I’m going to put these old bones to sleep too.” Slowly standing, she looks at the table and then back to Ioan. “This better be tidy by the time I wake up, young man.” 

“Old Mother you wound me, you should know your lovely daughter has taught me proper manners.” 

“Has she now? Because I fail to see them anywhere.” 

“You old hag!” He shouts as laughter spills from him. Dodging the slap that is directed to his arm, he faces the both of you and says in a hurried, amused tone. “Let’s go before I get beaten up.”

As you follow him and walk up a set of stairs, you hear old Mother mumbling under her breath, the happiness, warmth and slight annoyance that flows from her something that you do not miss. 

“The nerve of this man… one day I’m going to poison his food for good…” 

With the creak of the wood filling the silence with each step you take, Ioan shows you the way. Taking a turn, the large man opens a door, and ducking under the frame gestures you to come inside. The scent of sandalwood and myrrh reaches your nose, a scent that makes you relax even further if that was possible at all. 

The bedroom is a basic one with sparse decoration that makes it look lively despite the fact. A large sized bed sits against the corner with a red blanket peppered with white patterns decorating it. A basic bedside table stands next to it with a terracotta filled with the sandalwood and myrrh that you scented upon entrance, and something that you do not fail to realise is the clumsily painting geometric figures that adorn it, you smile at the sight, knowing for sure that Mihai must be the artist behind it. 

A large, brownish ceramic heater rests against the opposite corner, a small pile of wood laying next to it waiting to be used. Colourful curtains hang from the small window, and through the clear glass you can see the closed window shutter protecting it from the storm. Along with the rest, a rug made of red, blue, green, yellow, orange and white threads, forming intricate patterns falls in the middle of the room, the design surprisingly pleasing to the sight. A large wardrobe stands on the opposite wall, colourful fabrics decorated with more patterns hanging from the doors, a small, humble shelf hangs on the wall next to it, more terracottas laying on top of it while dry herbs hang from it, adding another subtle scent that mixes perfectly with the rest. 

“Let me just light the fire for you before I leave you two alone.” 

“That won’t be necessary, we can do it ourselves.” Adrian says. 

“You just want to be alone with your lady don’t you?” He laughs at his own words, a wide grin plastered across his face that only becomes larger at the light blush that appears on Adrian’s cheeks as you snicker at it. “Alright, you got everything you need for the fire right there, if you need anything else just let us know, aye?” 

“Of course.” You say placing your hand on his solid arm and giving it a squeeze, a warm, genuine smile forming on your lips. “Thank you, Ioan.” 

“Tis nothing.” Now flustered in return, he brushes your gratitude off with a wave of his hand. “Rest up, you will need it for tomorrow’s Christmastide lunch.” 

“Christmastide lunch?” You exclaim in surprise. Your only answer, however, is Ioan mischievous laughter on the other side of the door as he steps outside and closes it behind him. 

“Does that mean the food we had today was not a big one?” You say. 

“Yes, tomorrow is the proper celebration.” 

“You mean to say that there will be _more_ food?” You are shocked. You had feasts greater than the one today, but they were for the whole Clan, not just a _small_ family. He laughs at your surprise, and pulling you close now that you are finally alone, he kisses you. 

“Yes, there will be more food.” He says against your lips. “But that is a worry for tomorrow.” 

Throwing your hands around his neck, you step on your tiptoes and return the kiss. Your lips move lazily against one another, slow, just like how you feel right now, but before that you can go any further, you yawn, parting from your mouth with a soft smile, he brings some loose strands from your hair to his lips and whispers against them. 

“You, my witch, need to sleep.” 

“I suppose I do.” You say as you try to stifle another yawn. 

With a gesture of his hand, the fire on the heather lights to life, and with a tired sigh you sit in the bed fumbling with your boots. 

“Let me.” He says. 

Without the need to wait for confirmation, you let yourself fall back in the bed as he starts to pull off your boots, followed by your socks and then stockings. Piece after piece, you are soon undressed, only a white wool tunic remaining. Helping you to undo your braid, you are finally ready to sleep, and so you get under the covers. Adrian takes off his own clothes joining you soon afterwards.

Cuddling up to him, you rest on his chest as he holds you close. While the day had been amazing, now that you are away from the noise of the family, relaxing in the arms of your one, there is something that keeps making you think about unpleasant thoughts, something that you do not wish to bring to attention right now, so you try to push it away and talk about something else. 

“Thank you Adrian.” You mumble against his neck.

“For what?” He whispers in response

“For today, it was beyond perfect.” 

“I’m glad that you enjoyed it.” 

“And you? Did you enjoy it?” 

He pauses for a moment, remembering the day and everything that happened, and while you can not see the smile on his lips, you can almost feel it. 

“I did. It was good, but...” He pauses, as if doubting his next words. “Will you share what bothers you?” 

You smile, you should have known that he would notice. 

“Is… I don’t want to talk about it tonight, the matter can wait, and I would rather have this conversation at our home.” 

He goes still at your words, but not a bad stillness, you notice right away. 

“What’s the matter?” 

He gives a dry chuckle, one that makes you move so you can look at him. He looks slightly uncomfortable, almost in a self conscious way, but underneath it all, you can sense a great happiness forming. 

“I feel stupid saying it outloud.” Another dry laugh. You look at him, curiosity picking at you now. “I… Well, is that how you feel?” 

“Feel about what?” Right, now you are confused. 

“About the castle.” He looks at you, a hand moving to cover his eyes before mumbling under his breath. “You called it _our_ home.” 

“Oh.” You give yourself time to think, to mull over the fact, and after some consideration, you get hold of his hand and gently move it away. Placing your palm against your cheek, you tilt his head until he is looking at you, and with the soft that only he gets to hear, you say. “I consider it home because you are there, not because of the castle itself.” 

“Ah.” Averting his eyes one more time, you see the emotions shifting through his face clear as an open book, and with a tender smile you allow him as much time as he needs. Finally, he brings your hand to his lips, and kissing your fingers with a devotion that only he can muster, he whispers. “Would it be preposterous to say that I feel the same way?” 

“Not in the least.” 

His eyes go glassy with tears, amber eyes that he closes and tries to control. It still makes your heart hurt, to see how something so simple means so much to him, more than he deserves, is what he thinks. And you know he is wrong, but you are patient, and you have all the time in the world for him to come to terms with it, to accept that he is worthy of love, more than worthy of you. 

So you change positions, this time with his head resting against your shoulder as you play with his hair. Minutes pass in silence, your tunic slightly damp from the few tears that escape him, your fingers running through his bright mane as you hum a simple song.

“Adrian?” You ask once he has calmed down, your tone letting him know that you are changing the subject, that he does not need to say anything at all. “What were they saying earlier, when you blushed so much?” 

“Oh god…” He mumbles. Clearing his throat and moving his face further up against your neck, making any eye contact impossible. “They were making bets.” 

“Bets?” 

“...about when we will be having a babe.” 

You laugh, quickly covering your mouth as you do not wish to disturb anyone at the house. You shake as you contain yourself, the sound fighting to escape your mouth at every moment. 

“Of course they were, some things are the same everywhere in the world, it appears.” 

He only groans in response, and with his arms tight around your waist and his face still against your neck, he mumbles in a tone that indicates this is the end of conversation. 

“Good night.” 

You stifle your laugh once more, and wishing him a good night, you kiss his head before whispering an I love you and let sleep finally take you. 


	15. Chapter 15

The morning after the snow had subsided, but the entrance was entirely blocked with it. While Adrian had been helping Ioan to clear a path you had insisted on opening one of the jams you brought with you as a gift to break fast. Warm bread had been fried in a sweet mixture -something they call friganele- and generous amounts of jam had been spread, along with a nice herbal tea and some cold meats. In the end, it had made for a hearty breakfast. 

Path cleared and the sun bright in the sky once more, all the families were back outside playing, this time around with a lack of stalls populating the streets. Children and grown people alike play in the snow, some with sledges, others throwing snowballs at one another amidst war cries and laughter. In the end, you joined Mihai, teaming up with him to fight against Adrian, who was for sure using  _ some  _ of his heightened senses as an unfair advantage, and you, of course, took it upon yourself to even the field. 

After a carefully thought strategy, you had finally managed to bring him down to the snow, you and Mihai hugging one another in joyful victory while he lays there in a mixture of annoyance and amusement. Adrian, still on the snow, had been sulking for a while, something that you knew he did not  _ entirely _ mean, but nonetheless, something that gave you an excuse to lift his mood with a quick kiss. Not long after, you noticed how everyone was starting to set up large tables and numerous pots around the village’s fire, apparently the big celebration would take place out here, and as you decided to help against Mihaela’s protests, you were soon to realise that  _ this  _ was going to be a proper feast. 

Food and wine had moved freely along the tables, along with songs, tales and a few squabbles about who made the best cozonac. The rest of the morning had gone peacefully, and when you finally had given your presents to everyone who wished for one, you and Adrian were ready to depart. 

“I’ve known you for so little time, and I am already saddened to see you go.” Mihaela says while all of you stand at the entrance of the village with your baskets now filled with food that old Mother and her insisted on you taking. “You must come visit us again.” 

“We will, I am certain of it.” You say in response. It warms your heart how her sadness is genuine, she truly will miss you. While you are saying your goodbyes to her, old Mother is nagging Adrian with a scowl deep on her features. 

“You take care of yourself, and be sure to eat properly, you are way too skinny young man.” 

“Let him be, old woman, you know his lady will take good care of him.” 

“But will he take good care of her while looking like a scrawny boy?” 

“A scrawny  _ boy? _ ” He says, aghast. 

Chuckling at the words and Adrian’s reaction you turn to her and put your gloved hand on her shoulder. 

“We will eat all of the food you packed for us, old Mother, I’m sure all that cozonac will help us put some meat on our bones.” 

Scoffing at your words but with a smile forming on her lips, she responds. 

“You better, girl, you aren’t any better than him.” 

“And if they don’t you can always stuff them every time they come visit, aye?” Ioan adds with his resonating laughter. 

“Do you have to go now?” Says Mihai, who is standing next to his mother and clearly unhappy with the idea. 

Lowering yourself to his level and opening your arms, he runs from his mother and right into you. Giving him a hug as tight as you possible can, you say. 

“We have to go back to our own home, but we  _ will _ come again, and…” you add with a mysterious tone of voice, “Do you want to know something else?” 

He nods, moving even closer to listen to what you have to say. 

“I am very happy that you were the one to run me over.” You speak in hushed words, but still loud enough for the family to hear you. Smiles spread all around, and to your surprise, Adrian adds to the conversation, his deep voice having an edge of softness to it that makes you love him the more for it. 

“I must agree with her. I had no expectations when we arrived, but I admit it was not this.” He pauses for a moment before glancing at Mihai and quickly adding with the utmost arrogant smirk that includes a raised eyebrow. “Especially not making the acquaintance of a little rascal such as yourself.” 

“You are bitter because you are a… a…” 

“A sore loser.” You whisper in his ear. 

“A sore loser!” 

This time around, the dhampir has to repress his laughter and pretend to be more offended than he truly is. 

“I will destroy you in our next encounter, infant.” 

“I’m not an infant! I am five years old!” 

He opens his mouth to respond, but before that, you step in between them and pat both of them while laughing. 

“Children, behave.” 

“My behaviour is nothing but perfect.” 

Making a non committal sound, you stare at him. He returns the look in your face, as if daring you to utter a single word that points to the contrary. 

“Pretty!” Crina, who is being held by her father, points at your hair, once again braided along with a red ribbon and repeats the word. 

“You really like this ribbon, don’t you?” You smile at her, her beautiful, big eyes looking at your braid. “Very well.” You start to undo your hair. 

“No,  _ no. _ ” Mihaela says. “That is yours, I will not accept it.” 

“It’s Christmastide, Mimi.” You say with a wink while you use Crina’s nickname for her brother on her mother instead. “Let this be my last present for the season.” With a final tug, the ribbon is now free from your hair, and stepping closer and tying it up on Crina’s wrist so she won’t lose it right away, you say. “A pretty ribbon for the prettiest babe.” 

Her gloved hands clap enthusiastically, watching the ribbon fly with the wind at each movement, clearly delighted with the addition. 

“Thank you.” Says Mihaela with the softest voice. 

“Now,” Ioan adds with his booming voice, “I’ve added some of that wine we had yesterday to the rest, make sure to enjoy it, aye?” 

“We will be sure to.” Is Adrian’s response. 

With everything that was left to say now said, you move in closer to give Mihaela a hug. As soon as you touch you can sense her worry at the back of her being, a looming presence that keeps nagging at her, something that leaves you surprised. What is she worried about? 

“Be careful out there.” She says while still hugging you tightly, her voice tainted with an undertone of fear that you cannot comprehend. 

Wanting to reassure her, but unsure as to how, you try to sound as calm and sincere as possible. 

“We will be, we always are, and we  _ will _ come visit again, you have my word.” Relaxing somewhat at your words, she steps back, this time with a smile on her face. 

“We will be looking forward to it.” 

Taking the babe from her husband you go to give a hug to Ioan too. 

“Take care of yourself, Xixi, know that you always have a home here, aye?” His arms envelope you like a thick blanket, heavy and grounding, but also safe. He exudes the type of energy that those who are born to protect have, and as such, you feel yourself closing your eyes for a moment. 

“Does Crina take the nicknames from you?” You question as you step back from the hug.

“Ha! Quite the opposite, I steal them from her!” He says between chuckles. 

“Old Mother.” You hug her, her arms a lot stronger than they appear when they pat your back a few times. 

“Enough, enough.” She says as she waves you away. Turning her attention to Adrian, she adds. “Aren’t you going to hug this old woman?” 

With a smile, he takes a step closer and envelops her in his arms. 

“Your cozonac is without any doubt the most magnificent, all the discussions were nothing but pointless squabbles.” 

“Ha! Aren’t you a charmer?” 

“I am but humbly stating the truth.” 

She chuckles at the words, once again waving him away now that she is done with him.

“He really is,” you add with an exasperated sigh and a tired expression, “if you think I am going to eat half of this food you are wrong.”

“Then you have to be faster than him, girl.” 

“Trying to compete with his appetite is a lost battle, but I will try for your food, old Mother.” 

“I detest being the one to bring this warming goodbye to an end, but we must depart if we want to arrive before evening.” 

Adrian places his hand on the low of your back, and while you know you could be home in only a couple of minutes, it is best to leave now to not raise suspicions. 

“You are right. It was a pleasure meeting you all, until next time.” You wave them goodbye and leave the village, with all of them, including baby Crina, waving you away. 

Walking away with a content sigh, you hook your arm with Adrian’s, resting your head on his shoulder before glancing up at him. 

“That was great.” 

He smiles, his face turning up to the sun, enjoying the warmth and taking a deep breath of the cold, winter air before responding. 

“It was a much better experience than I anticipated, I was surprised at the lack of unsettling humans slithering around.” 

Laughing, you manage to say. 

“Is that your experience with humans? Them slithering around?”

“Well, they also have an unpleasant smell, are demented in the best occassions, worst cases they believe themselves to be correct while the struggle to use proper speech and walk simultaneously. Oh, and the pitchforks, must not forget that.” 

“You are unbelievable.” You say as you swat at him, your attempt to chastise him proving futile when laughter bubbles at the top of your throat. 

With only a chuckle as a response, you have no warning when suddenly, he comes to a sudden stop and swipes you in his arms, his lips falling into yours just like that. 

“It was enjoyable.” He mumbles against your lips, devouring them the next second. “But I am glad we are returning now, and that I can hold you like this again.” 

“How glad?” You whisper. 

“ _ Extremely. _ ” He says as he presses his body against yours for more emphasis. 

“Then, perhaps we should hurry going back home.” Your voice is coming out in a rasp, desire painting each and every word. 

“How quickly?” He questions. 

Pulling him down by the collar of his coat, you kiss again, biting his bottom lip softly before moving up to his ear. 

“As quickly as you can.” Your words are whispered, your teeth dragging against his skin for good measure, and when you pull back to look at him through half lidded eyes, you see the desire reflected right at you. 

Holding your breath, you watch his eyes shifting in colour. The amber grows in its intensity until a bright, shining gold takes its place. The white of his eyes turns into black, like dark tendrils taking control until they swallow as much as they can. For a moment, you think that he was not aware of the change in his eyes, the shift happening against his will, something that you confirm when you feel bitterness on your skin, like sandpaper rubbing against it while a lump grows in your throat, his fear of rejection, you realise, cursing through you as if it were your own, his lips trembling, waiting, anticipating a reaction now that you had a glimpse at the other side of his nature.

You stare into his eyes, your heartbeat growing faster with each passing second, you cannot stop your hand from resting upon his cheek, or your thumb caressing the skin under his starkly different eyes, your own mesmerised at the shift that took place.

“They are beautiful.” Your words barely make it out, your mind too lost in the vision. 

His eyes close, his head tilting towards your palm, meaningful, grounding. His hand covers your own, his face turns, his nose now pressed against your wrist, breathing you in, allowing your presence to act as the anchor that he seeks. He is startled for a moment when your lips press against his jaw, his skin and your lips cold thanks to the frigid air, and yet, it makes you manage to feel as if you were on fire. 

“If not for the winter I would have you right here.” You manage to say, as you place kiss after kiss across his velvety skin. 

“I could keep us warm…” He mumbles in response, his voice breathy at your ministrations. 

“Do not tempt me, Adrian.” You bite the skin as a warning, now turning warmer with the growing desire, and what you get as a response is a stifled groan from his lips. “Let’s go.” 

It takes a moment for him to react, but when he does, he hoists you in his arms, placing you in such a way that you are safe from any impact, and as soon as he is satisfied with the result, he runs. 

It amazes you, how powerful he actually is, something that at times is easy to forget when what you know most is his playful nature, the side of him that wishes to belong, to be held and to hold. But here he is, running through the forest at a speed that should not be possible, your eyes finally closing down when all you can see is a blur that makes you feel dizzy. 

The freezing air cuts at your cheeks, but nevertheless it is exhilarating, adrenaline courses through your veins as his solid body shifts and jumps on different turns, too fast for you to see, your eyes try to take a peek at what is happening, and while they tear up when the cold air makes contact, you are unable to make them close once more. You love this, you realise. Before, you had never  _ truly _ had the chance to experience the extent of his abilities, and now, as he carries you through the forest faster than any horse you ever rode, you feel your lungs filling with a form of joy that you have never felt before. 

In what feels like nothing but a couple of minutes, way too short for your taste, you find yourself back at the castle, your beloved placing you on the floor as if you were the most delicate cargo to ever exist, and still, he does not fully let go of you. 

“Are you alright?” He asks, concern in his voice as he examines your expression. His eyes are back to normal, you notice, and the clear worry in his gaze warms you more than any fire could. 

“More than alright.” You say full of energy, the sudden rush of excitement still running through your veins like a wild torrent. 

Unable to wait, you push him against the wall, your aggression one that surprises him, but thankfully, is not unwelcomed. He groans when you pull him down to your lips, the assault on his mouth a merciless one. The need you feel for his embrace is an urgent one, one that you could not deny even if you wanted to, you think. His whole being responds in kind, fingers digging on your hips as he tries to pull you closer. Any distance between the two seemingly an error to be corrected, so you tangle your hands along his hair, grabbing handfuls of it, pulling, enjoying the locks that feel like silk against your skin. 

Your hands start to fumble with his clothes, almost ripping it apart with the urgency of your movements, frustration increasingly growing as you are denied the touch of the skin underneath that you so crave. 

“This cursed…  _ thing. _ ” You mumble when you are forced to part ways in order to look at what is stopping you. “Why does it have so many buttons.” 

The tearing sound of fabric followed by the clinking sound of buttons bouncing on the stone floor is one you do not anticipate. Blinking your surprise away as you stare at the now bare chest, you let your palms rest flush against the warmth of his firm muscles. Leaning forward you plant a kiss against the skin before letting your eyes travel to his face. 

If your desire was already high, it has now been multiplied at the expression that greets you. His half lidded eyes stare at you, a soft blush covering his cheeks along with his lips, puffy and shiny as a result of your ministrations. He is so open, so eager to continue, so willing to let you do as you wish with him, to put himself in your hands that removing the source of your frustration was nothing but the only reasonable action he could possibly take. 

With the path now open you cannot help yourself when you place kiss after kiss against his chest, your nails lightly dragging against his soft skin, fingertips tracing the deep scar that marks him. He moans your name into the room, his voice sounding more like a whine than his usually raspy tone. 

“Please.” He pleads with you, a tone that makes you want to let this last longer, to hear it more. 

“Please what?” You move up, kissing his jaw, lips trailing down his neck, letting teeth and tongue cause shiver after shiver run through his lean body. 

“Let us go upstairs, please.” 

Feeling his fingers twitching against your waist, you smile to yourself. Is not that you want to tease him, you tell yourself, but you do enjoy causing these reactions, you find it comforting, in a way, another reassurance that he wants you as much as you want him, that there is nothing but mutual need between the two of you.

Glancing around, you ponder if you want to take that detour, if you can even wait that much, the mere thought of not being against him for more than a second unbearable to you, and when your eyes fall on one of the divans against the wall, you decide that going upstairs is unnecessary. 

Taking a hold of his hand, you hurry your steps, Adrian dutifully following you without a moment of hesitation or any sign of complaints. As soon as you arrive at your destination you push him down on the plush piece of furniture, a surprised gasp abandons his lips for just a second.

“...Fuck.” He mumbles under his breath as he sits there, barely able to focus on anything but you. Watching you remove your undergarments without even bothering with the dress. 

“I need you.” You whisper against his lips once you descend upon him, your voice hoarse with something that goes beyond simple lust. 

As soon as you are over him, legs resting on each side of his, his hands fly to your legs, pushing the fabric aside until at last you feel his skin against your own. With fingers trailing up the back of your legs while you fumble with his breeches, you find yourself hissing in pleasure when his digits brush against your aching core. 

“Shit, Xiana.” You are certain that he could not say anything else even if he wanted to, but if there was any doubt about it, it weithers the second you free his hardened length from his constraints. 

With no time to lose, you rise yourself, positioning the tip of his member against your drenching folds, allowing it to be covered with the wetness of your lower lips before sliding down in a single, smooth motion. Both of you moan in unison as inch after inch enters your body, the delicious sensation of his hardness stretching you filling you with bliss. His head falls back, incoherent words falling from his lips as you raise once again before falling. 

With his legs sprawled and his hands firm on your buttocks, he assists you with your movements while you put all your might on your movements. You allow your body to fall forward, resting against his chest, head buried against his neck, moan after moan as you ride and chase the wave of pleasure building up inside of you. 

“Fuck…” He manages to force out, his voice strangled with every breath. “I- I can’t-” 

You feel his member twitching inside of you, and with a growl you say against his ear. 

“Don’t you dare.” 

“Shit.” He answers. “Fuck.” He adds. 

“Just a little bit longer Adrian.” You moan against his skin, your fingers tangling on his scalp, fists tightening, pulling at it as your movements become increasingly desperate. 

He curses again, another weak whine escaping his lips when your fists pull at his hair, the sensation one that clearly works to arouse him more. You can sense it, clear as day all over your body, how he revels at the knowledge that  _ he _ is the source of your desire, that you can not refrain from your actions, that you desire him this much. It makes him proud, you realise. 

You let a sudden, short laugh leave your lungs, mixed with the sounds of your mutual pleasure as you feel a smile pulling at your lips. 

“You cheeky little dhampir.” You manage to say. “Why do you feel so good inside of me?”

“Stop saying such things.” He groans. 

“Why?” You tease. 

“Because you don’t want me to-!” 

His sentence is interrupted when you capture his lips. One of his arms coils itself around your torso, keeping you flush against him while the other moves to the back of your neck, drinking in the kiss that you give as if his life was on the line. You let your tongue slide in his mouth, and in the ferocity of your passion you feel the prickle of his fangs against you, piercing the tender flesh, allowing the taste of your own blood to fill your mouth. 

And just like that the peak of your pleasure hits you. His grip on you turns into iron, an inhuman sound reverberating in his throat as your blood touches his tongue, his seed shooting out of his member as your walls clench around him. The pleasure travels across your body like nothing before, the intensity of it almost unbearable if not for his grounding presence against you. 

With your bodies locked in place, you remain still as your whole being shudders and trembles. It takes a while before your breathing is back to normal, before your heartbeat has slowed down, before you can open your eyes again, and when you do, you find the man you love covering his mouth with his hand, his face tilted down, his amber gaze evading your own. 

But you are not having any of it. 

Without the need for words, you gently put your hand above his, coaxing him to move it away. After a moment of resistance, he allows it. You place your hand on his cheek, turning his face towards you, and with all the tenderness that you are now feeling, the wild desire now gone, you place a soft kiss to his blood stained lips. When your tongue slides inside his mouth, this time is slow and deliberate, movements that take all the time in the world. You feel his long eyelashes fluttering against your skin, the tickling sensation making you smile. 

When you part from his lips, he looks at you as in a haze. It is clear that part of him is embarrassed at his reaction, something that was not his fault, and because of that you let your actions speak for you. With a quiet gasp, you let him slide out of your body, your hands quickly putting his now softened member back in his breeches, and with another soft kiss, you let him relax and melt into your touch before moving away. 

Getting on your feet you offer him your hand, a gesture that he accepts without question, and as soon as he is standing again you lead the way to the bathing room. When you arrive you waste no time undressing the both of you, Adrian allowing you to do as you please at all times. In no time you are both in the water, and with soft, tender movements you grab some of the lotions and unguents that create a leathery soap to form against his silky hair. With practiced movement you wash his hair, your fingers running through the strands, patiently removing any tangles that formed during your day out. 

As the minutes pass, all the sound that exists is that of the water and his occasional hums of silent pleasure. When you are done applying it you let the mixture rest as you move to his body, giving it the same attention that you gave to his long mane. Rinsing everything away from his hair, you are ready to leave the water, but his slender fingers wrapping around your wrist in the most delicate hold, you pause. 

You stare at him, waiting, and again, with words being completely unnecessary you know what he wants. Offering your back to him you relax against him as he washes you like you just did to him. His movements are unsure and hesitant at the start, something that slowly turns more confident as you hum in approval at the gentle massage to your scalp that he provides. 

Soon he is also done with you, both of you stepping out of the water, silently walking into his naked embrace as his arms wrap around you, the familiar warmth of his magic pressing against your whole being, drying both of you up in no time. Forgetting the clothes left on a pile, you walk hand in hand to your bedroom, the fact that daylight is still bright outside a matter of no importance. 

Right now the only thing that you care for is comforting the dhampir that quietly lays next to you. You both know that his fangs piercing you were not his fault, but that does not change how unsure he feels. Knowing him, you would be surprised if his mind was not fabricating the worst case scenarios, and so your whole attention is trained on him, on reassuring him. 

Moving the blankets and placing the pillows against the headboard you get yourself and Adrian under the layers of fabric and lean back on the soft pillows, more sitting than laying down. You open your arms, a silent invitation that Adrian takes without hesitation, his head falling against your shoulder, his arm and leg entangled in your body, your fingers running through his hair in shooting motions. 

You don’t speak for you do not need to, the understanding of one another so evident that the mere notion is laughable. You both know what is happening, and so, you both continue this silent exchange of love, comfort and affection, allowing your entire beings to relax against one another, and as you feel the silent shame that darkens his light fade away, you let your arms hold him tight for a moment before allowing yourself to relax. 

The moment stretches in time, your attention fluttering in and out of consciousness with your mellow muscles and the warmth that surrounds you lulling you into sleep. However, Adrian’s body, once as relaxed as yours starts to stir up in such a way that betrays his unsettled thoughts.

“Is there anything wrong?” You question in a low whisper. 

His body tenses for a moment at the sound of your voice, but burying his face against your neck, he finally answers. 

“I find myself unable to stir my mind away from what you said last night.” 

You hum in response, unsurprised at his thought. You have no reason to deny him the answer that he seeks, and so, you responde. 

“I have to go back to Castile.” 

  
  
  



End file.
